IGPlog #1: Wikipedia is on to us!

In a never-ending quest to expand our web presence, IGP presents the first in what one can only hope is a series: IGPlog, IGP’s very own…log, I guess. Anyway, collectors might want to print out the page, seal it in mylar, and keep in a cool, dry place for twenty years or so. The value of that page can only increase in that time, especially if you print it on fifty dollar bills.

But as I said, this is all about expanding the web presence and, in order to know what kind of
work I had ahead of me, I checked out the results when you Wikipedia the phrase Immediate Gratification Players. The results are nothing short of mildly interesting (click the image to see the full page):

So, without further ado, IGP presents:

The Seven Things Most Relevant to IGP, according to Wikipedia!

1. Damien Richardson

A football (or, to put it another way, “soccer”) manager from Ireland, Damien Richardson currently runs the Cork City club. This may seem a bizarre choice for the entity in the cosmos more closely related to us than any other, but his Wikipedia page reveals a treasure trove of amazing quotes that clearly reveal him to be an improv artist at heart. Some examples:

“There was a lack of interdepartmental choreography between midfield and attack.”

“It’s always the same sometimes.”

“The fundamental inability to grasp the fact that real leadership is accepting that you are merely another cog in the wheel has derailed many careers and deranged many managers.”

“It takes two to tango, but for a tango to show its exhiliration, you need two people performing it. There was only one team tangoing tonight.”

Sheer brilliance. Take note, managers of Irish football teams, if you’re trying to become an honorary member of a Harvard improv troupe…well, there’s a blueprint, and its name is Damien Richardson.

2. ESFP

I was really hoping this was some kind of special improv sixth sense, like maybe extra-sensory funny perception. I mean, that’s logical and even a little bit plausible. I also would have settled for extra-sensory fortunate perception, because what kind of psychic power isn’t fortunate? Sorry, M. Night Shyamalan, I’m not seeing a downside to a power that means I get to see more of Bruce Willis. That guy is an indestructible hunk chiseled from unstoppable granite. He once fought a fighter jet armed only with a truck. And won.

Sadly, it turns out it’s a personality type invented by Carl Jung. Which is still kind of cool, but mostly only because Jung gets referenced at one point in Batman Begins, but then I define my world in terms of that movie.

3. Korg Prophecy

Frankly, there’s no way the reality could possibly improve on what I imagine this to be.

The Korg Prophecy is considered

Stop that! The Korg Prophecy is, as far as I’m concerned, an ancient prediction by the legendary philosopher Gomrath in the kingdom of Korg (hence the name) that, in the time of shadows…

one of the earliest (mid-nineties)

Seriously, cut it out! Anyway, in the time of shadows, when brigands of tragedy overrun the good people, a brave gang of comedy samurai, led by a mysterious humor general known only as…

“virtual analog” (a.k.a. VA) synthesizers,

I’m warning you! Anyway, in the final battle, the prophecy states that a young villager will take the place of a fallen comedy warrior and, when the situation is at its absolute bleakest, wield the sword of…

although its synthesis capabilities went beyond many of its VA contemporaries.

Wait? The Korg Prophecy was just a tricked out synthesizer? That’s…actually kinda cool, assuming it was used in the creation of phat beats.

4. Ultimate Terms

I was hoping there’d be something really flattering in there like “The Immediate Gratification Players is the ultimate term for ‘humor’”, but actually it’s a compendium of insanely technical terminology from Ultimate Frisbee. Which is also pretty cool, if you think about it.

Did You Know? Bear-Ninja-Cowboy is one way to determine who begins the game with possession, and it is basically the ultimate version of rock-paper-scissors. And I mean that in both senses of the word “ultimate”, because that’s unbelievably awesome.

5. Harvard College

I mean, sure, I guess this has something to do with us. Just a little. It has to be pointed out that this is the only one where the words “Immediate”, “Gratification”, and “Players” actually appear next to each other, instead of cunningly hiding themselves throughout the entry. So no points for creativity or subtlety there, I’m afraid.

6. Raymond Scott

He’s apparently a classical composer who did a lot of the music for Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. His music was later used on the likes of The Simpsons and Animaniacs. So basically, this guy is the forerunner of the improv piano player, something that has been near and dear to IGP in the past. Pretty straightforward, really. But I have to tell you right now, this next one baffles me.

7. Clark Kent

I just don’t get it. What does Clark Kent, a reporter for The Daily Planet, have to do with us? I mean, he’s won a Pulitzer or two in his time for his exposes on LexCorp, but he’s just a mild-mannered, unassuming guy when it all comes down to it, about as far from improv as you can imagine. Ah well – I guess even Wikipedia makes a mistake sometimes.

What’s that? Brainiac’s back? And he’s attacking the power plant? This looks like a job for Supe…

Uh, I mean, thanks for reading IGPlog #1! See you soon! I now have to run to see if the power plant needs any…improv. That’s right, see if they need any…improv. Yes, that’ll do.

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