alhuang@hcs.harvard.edu
http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~alhuang/

February 26, 1997

  I was feeling depressed one night....
  Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi and all them. The title is taken
from Babylon 5, by J. Michael Straczynski. (I checked...I did get the
right spelling.) Jackie Chan...is Jackie Chan.

And now, Oddzilla Productions presents....

"All Alone, in the Night"

<...>: thoughts

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  It was cold.

  <Good thing I managed to snatch the blanket first.> Ranma sat huddled
beneath the comforter on the roof of the Dojo.

  Despite appearances, it was _not_ one of Ranma's worse days; at least,
it certainly didn't seem so. Sure, he and Akane had gotten into one of
their arguments, he had to fend off Shampoo's advances once more, Kunou
had challenged him as usual....

  But the violence had been relatively low. Akane had only punched him
once, Shampoo actually misgauged the jump and landed the bike half a
meter from Ranma, and the fight with Kunou was over within twelve and a
half seconds. Two of them were wasted on Kunou having trouble pulling
his bokken out from his pants--he had stuck it into the waistband, not
just his belt. How he had walked...Ranma really didn't want to know. He
smirked at the memory. It had been a good day, now that he thought
about it. Peaceful. Akane hadn't tried to cook, Ukyou had given him a
few free okonomiyaki at lunch (without irritating Akane), Ryouga was
still lost....

  So why was he here?

  On top of the roof on a cold winter's night?

  "Why indeed." Ranma was in one of his rare introspective moods. His
thoughts began to drift....

  He wondered what Hiroshi and Daisuke were up to. Oh, right, that
movie. Those two, always inseparable. They were always talking about
girls with each other (and including Ranma in the discussion, either as
participant or subject of said conversation), or watching the
everpresent spectacles that popped up in Nerima together...heck, they
even got _injured_ in pairs. The two of them got their ki simultaneously
sucked by Hinako-sensei that one time....

  What might Nabiki be doing? She had left on one of her business
meetings with her associates, or so she said. She had always implied
that the two girls that she would always be seen with were merely
lackeys...yet Ranma could always see some of Nabiki's rare _genuine_
smiles directed to those "mere lackeys", he could hear the warm laughter
that occasionally floated from where the three of them had lunch.

  His mind wandered further. Ukyou was probably cleaning up the shop
with Konatsu. Ranma shook his head and smiled. As annoying as Konatsu
could be, somehow, Ukyou got along with the bishounen ninja. Sure, the
"Ukyou-sama" seemed to get grating at times to Ucchan, but she was one
for high levels of patience.

  "Ha, ha! Saotome-kun! How's that?" There was a "growf" heard in
response, no doubt accompanied by some sign asking for a do-over.

  <They're still up? Yeesh.> Those two. Always just schmoozing, nearly
carefree.... Except, of course, when Okaasan came around. Otherwise,
though--what _did_ the two of them do all day? The endless rounds of
shougi (with the rare game of go tossed in), talking about old times,
occasionally plotting to set their children up.

  His train of thought was interrupted by some muffled giggling heard
from the direction of Akane's room. <Right. That's one of the reasons
I'm up here.> A slumber party. It had been a while since Akane had
hosted one. No doubt, they'd be reading their shoujo mangas and
gossiping about boys all night, with himself destined to be one of the
hot topics. Ranma shuddered at that thought, and decided to mentally
change the subject.

  "Where'd Ryouga run off to this time, anyways?" Perhaps he had found
Akari again. Or maybe not.... He just wasn't around; that was the only
certain thing.

  Ranma wondered about Ryouga. How did someone like that, someone so
depressed, grow to be such a strong, healthy guy? It went against the
laws of psychology. Once cursed with the sense of direction, twice
cursed with Jusenkyou. Always wandering. Such a lonely life.

  Lonely. Lonely?

  "Alone...."

  Was that the gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach? The one he had
just started to feel a few minutes ago?

  ...a few months ago...

  ...years.

  He scoffed. "Heh! That's ridiculous. I'm in Nerima, surrounded by
people wanting to marry me or kill me--sometimes even both. How could I
be lonely? In a crowd?!"

  <Why am I on this rooftop again?>

  He brushed that thought aside again. <No, I just want to think by....
Myself...?> He shook his head angrily. It wouldn't leave, though. It
even gained a voice....

  "Why are you up here, Ranma? Didn't Hiroshi and Daisuke tell you about
that Jackie Chan movie? Oh, that's right, you caught it on opening
night. Kinda crowded in there, wasn't it? And yet, no one you knew was
there...or was there, but not with you. Say, Ranma, there's that dance
tomorrow--whoops, forgot, you're too afraid to ask any girl to go, and
it's a couples-only thing. You know, Ranma--"

  He smacked himself upside the head, silently screaming at the voice to
shut up. It went silent, but he could have sworn that there was a low,
mocking laughter that trailed off as it disappeared. He sighed. Yes,
ladies and gentlemen, Ranma was depressed.

  <Usually...usually, a guy like me, feeling like me, would be talking
about stuff with his friends.> Yeah, friends. Talking, chatting...that
_would_ be nice. But who could he talk to? Oyaji? Tendou-ojisan? They'd
steer the topic straight to the marriage. Nabiki...even if she were
home...he could just imagine the rates she would charge for a simple
friendly chat, not like they'd have anything to chat about anyways.
Kasumi...wasn't quite in touch with things. And Akane--well, no go
there, for several reasons.

  Shampoo? Mousse? Cologne? Not a chance. The first would just glomp
him, the second would try to kill him, the third...would encourage the
first. He couldn't remember the time he had a calm conversation at the
Nekohanten. Toufuu-sensei, well, he certainly was a nice guy, pretty
intelligent, pleasant to talk to, but Ranma always had the feeling that
Toufuu-sensei was over his (Ranma's) head. There was also always the
danger of Kasumi showing up in some way. The Kunous? Ranma shuddered
again.

  Ukyou was always there. She was, after all, his best, oldest, closest
friend. But she was still a fiancee, and it still made a difference.
That little fact would always be hanging in the air.

  Misery loves company. <Well, at least Ryouga's always been worse off
than me.> He frowned. No, that wasn't true. Perhaps, for some time, it
definitely was so....

  But then Ryouga became P-chan. Not just a pig, a pet. He had a special
place with Akane. She would hold him close, tell him secrets that she
wouldn't even tell her closest girlfriends, let him snuggle with her at
nights...the damned pig...and now he had Akari, too. Ryouga wasn't so
lonely anymore.

  No, not really.

  <I...I...I'm pathetic. This is so sad. I'm worse off than Ryouga.
Ryouga, for crying out loud!! The Lost Boy! Here I am, in the middle of
Nerima, LONELY. I'm looking all around me, and everyone's got something,
some_one_. Oyaji and Tendou-ojisan are always playing their board games,
Mousse lives absolutely for Shampoo, Shampoo has her great-grandmother
to plot with...Ukyou and Konatsu are winding down with the cleanup,
Nabiki has her friends and Kasumi is always happy anyways plus she can
go to Toufuu-sensei even if he does go a little nuts when she's around
and then there's Kunou who's so occupied with me and Akane that it
doesn't matter and even if so then he can actually talk civilly with his
sister I mean they seem to get along and stuff of course Kodachi's crazy
to begin with she's fine isn't she don't forget Ryouga dammit Ryouga's
got Akane in his own way and Akari too I bet Hiroshi and Daisuke are
having a blast at the movie yeah how come I don't have a close friend to
talk to I'd like a shoulder to lean on sometimes it's not fair it's not
fair it's not fair stop it stop dammit stop it's not fair not fair not
fair not-->

  A loud cracking noise snapped Ranma's mind back to his surroundings.
Startled, Ranma looked around, finally setting his gaze on his hands.
There were pieces of roofing clenched in his fingers, cutting slightly
into the skin. Some blood dripped down on the tiles.

  "That didn't hurt...." he murmured, dropping the chunks. Fortunately,
it was minor damage; no real harm would come of that, either to himself
or the house. He sighed, moving the comforter away so it wouldn't get
any bloodstains. His breath misted in the chill air as he looked out
into the night.

  "All alone."

  A few tears mixed in with the small puddles of blood, unnoticed.

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  As I stated earlier, the title came from Babylon 5. A rather famous
quote from the show, isn't it? Another quote that also goes along with
it...well, I recall Sheridan saying, "There's nothing worse than being
all alone, in the night." Delenn responded with something like, "No,
there is something worse. Being all alone, in a crowd." I know the
feeling.... I'm surprised that this idea hadn't occurred to me sooner.
Nope, no conclusion, no sequel to this; that would just weaken the
impact. One final note: thanks to Stefan Gagne and his shrine to Hiroshi
and Daisuke for giving me a few useful details.