Andrew, I leave it up to you when to show this to the ffml... -rodM --------------------------------------------------------------------- Once upon a time there were these four siblings, who happened to be martial artists, who also happened to be movie buffs... One was a rather skinny fellow, looking a lot like Hikaru Gosunkugi, the other a short-haired girl with a fair tan, the next a sloppily dressed lad with long hair and eyeglasses, and finally, a rather cute 12 year old with a hyperactivity problem.... ROLL CALL! Ryo Muhoshin, snide yet debonaire Ryoko Muhoshin, a teen girl with flare Megs Muhoshin, a pervert beyond compare Kyoko Muhoshin, tiny tot without a care Megs: So, what's showing today? Ryo: You're forgetting something. Megs: Eh? Ryo: hold up the advert, child. Kyoko: WAI! ========================================= FFML Fun Critiques!: The More Things Read http://www.tfs.net/~tbutler/FFC/Muho.html ========================================= Ryo: Very good. Megs: Ah. Website plugs, I see. Ryo: Ah, almost forgot. Ryoko, do the honors? Ryoko: Righto. =============================================================== -M- Productions: home of The More Things Change and other junk! http://www.uh.edu/~rpm/fanfic.htm =============================================================== Megs: (grumbling) Wouldn't be surprised if they pulled out a commercial for a- Ryo: Ah, that's my cue. ========== DRINK COKE ========== Megs: (glaring at the other three) Sellouts! Ryoko: Yeah? Who's wallet is still empty, loser! Megs: *sigh* Okay, whatever. What's showing today? Ryo: Part three of Andrew Huang's epic comedy, Evanjellydonut. Megs: Oh. _HIM_. Ryoko: Shh! Film's starting! > It was time. > > Time for some more Evangelion spoofiness. [All four stare at Andrew] > "Yes, it does exist. Stop looking at me like that." Megs: I WANT SOME GRATUITY, you teasing bastard! > The writer sat down at his keyboard, and began bumbling^H^H^H^H^ > crafting his latest masterpiece. Megs: Bumbling is right :P Ryoko: Well I *like* how Andrew's kept it clean. Megs: Feh. > ************************************************ > > Misato yawned and stretched, giving a grand show to anyone who might be > watching. "8 am. Things have been so slow around here lately. Shin--oh, > that's right." Shinji had left early for school. A meeting, he said. Misato > smiled, thinking who it was exactly he was meeting with. Those two had > certainly advanced their relationship in leaps and bounds. It had been, > what, not even a week? But then, they had so little before, so that would > make sense.... Asuka had also also left early--to keep an eye on things, no > doubt. > > "Squawk!" > > "Oh, Pen-pen. Looks like Shinji already fed you." The bird nodded. Misato > laughed, remembering a certain dream. "Don't you start philosophizing about > the Angels and talking about design specs for Unit 01." Pen-pen merely > looked at her strangely, then ambled over to his refrigerated compartment, > shutting the door behind him. Misato began preparing for the day. > > The sound of typing was barely audible. [Open log_] > > [Log opened_] read the computer screen. > > [Report of Agent P: The woman knows too much...._] Megs: AAAAAAAAAGH! HIDE THE BEER! Ryo: ... Megs: What, ya never saw the commercials? > *** > Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut, part 3: > Tenshi Muyou--No Need For Angels > by Andrew Huang > written for The Sound and the Furry Productions > *** Megs: Sound and the *FURRY*? Does that mean he writes beastiality fics? Ryo: Stop it right there, mister. > If the thirteenth Angel had a mouth, it would be smiling right now. Ryo: o/" And if God would send his angels... o/" Megs: o/" We could use'em here right now o/" Ryoko: ... Ryo: Not a U2 fan, I suppose. *sigh* > Now was the time. Yes, it would find one of the Evangelion units, bide > its time in the computer system, take over the controls when activated, > and carry out its purpose. Its glorious, grim purpose. Ryo: It's forgetting the evil laughter bit. If you're an entity with great powers and a good plan, evil laughter is a must. Kyoko: but s'got no mouth! Ryo: Oh. Megs: Idiot. Ryo: Shut up. > That is, if only it could just possibly find one of those EVAs. Now that > was posing a bit of a problem. > > [Hmm. Now, where am I?] Ryo: It's... an angel with a Ryoga complex! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! > "Say, boss...you didn't, perhaps, do something with my computer again, > did you?" > > "No, Sato-kun...not since that last time. I still have the burn scars." > > "So why does the screen keep on flashing 'Which way to NREV'?" > > "Well, I don't...eh...wait. 'NREV'?" > > "NERV, I'm guessing. Maybe it doesn't know how to spell, whatever _it_ > is." > > [So sue me!] > > If the thirteenth Angel had a mouth, it would have stopped smiling just > about now. > > ------------------------------------------------ > > "Good morning, Shinji-kun." > > "Ah, good morning, Rei-chan." > > The two students sat down at empty desks next to each other. It was quite > a sight: Rei _not_ staring out the window, silently, and Shinji _not_ idly > slumped at his desk, listening to Touji and Kensuke yammer about Misato-- > instead, they chatted quietly, smiling. A cute couple, they were. Ryo: Sugary... atmosphere... ack... Megs: blood... suger... levels... rising... ugh... Ryo: Diabetes... imminent... aaaaagh... Ryoko: Jerks! *WHAP*WHAP* > But then, the past few days had been highly odd anyway, even by Tokyo-3 > standards. Rei with outward personality, Shinji with backbone.... Megs: Well, that's one of two bones he's acquired recently. Kyoko: what'cha mean? Ryo: DON'T, Megs. DO NOT answer that. > Nearby, Asuka stared at the two suspiciously. That, at least, was less > surprising than most everything else. She was finally distracted from them > by Hikari sitting down next to her. "Oh, hi, Hikari-chan." Megs: Perhaps a little lesbian romance is out of the question? Ryoko: Dream on, pervert. > "Morning, Asuka-chan." Hikari was pensive. Touji hadn't come to school > since that triple-date, five days ago. She also hadn't been able to reach > him by phone. Apparently, he was at the hospital, with his sister, just > like he was when she had first been injured. And she certainly didn't have > the time to go to the hospital to find him. > > "Are you worrying about him again? Oh, don't be...." > > "Well, you'd think that he'd call or something, right?" > > "Um, hi." It was Touji. Hikari jumped up a little too quickly and fell > over her chair. "Whoa...are you okay?" He extended a hand. Hikari, eyes > shining, took it gratefully. "Heh, sorry I haven't called or anything...." > > "It's...it's all right." They stared at each other in silence for a > second or two. Megs: must... balance... bloodstream... sugar... levels... high... Ryo: pass... the... salt... > "Ah, I guess I want to talk to you...." Touji smiled weakly. Hikari > nodded, and they walked over to a corner of the room. Asuka sighed. She > turned her attention back to Rei and Shinji. She narrowed her eyes in > displeasure as she noted how much closer together they were, now. > > "So, ah, got any plans for today?" > > "Baka." Rei bapped Shinji lightly on the forehead. "We've got training > today, remember?" > > "Oh. Damn." > > Rei laughed softly, and put her hand over his. "Still, that doesn't mean > we can't...talk after we're done." Megs: Yeaaaaaaah, at'sright. Talking the language of luuuuv. Ryo: Oh my. Ryoko: Cut it out, pervo! > Shinji blushed a bit, smiling, then froze. "You know, Rei-chan...is it > normal for humans to swell up and turn bright red?" > > "Hm? What do you mean?" Ryo: Don't you dare. Megs: Wasn't gonna say a thing, honest! > Shinji pointed nervously. Rei turned around. > > "Oh...hello, Asuka...." > > Asuka clenched a fist, and barely managed to catch herself, so she simply > turned away. "I can't stand this," she hissed to herself. She found herself > facing a deliriously happy Hikari, and a confused but overall happy Touji. > > "Heh, don't mind us, Asuka-chan." > > "I really can't stand this," muttered Asuka. Megs: Life would be so much easier on them if they accepted free love and had a threesome. > ------------------------------------------------ > > "Mommy, Mommy! My Tamagotchi is broken! Maro-chan's _gone_!!" > > "Oh, let me see that, Ju-chan." Hayama Sana took the little electronic > pet from her daughter Junko and looked at it carefully. Ryo: I _hate_ those things. Ryoko: Aw, I think they're cute. Kyoko: Wai! TAMAGOTCHI! Ryo: *shudder* ugh. > "Well, that's strange." > > "Mommy? Can you fix it?" > > "Let me see...don't worry, if Mommy or Daddy can't fix it, we'll go get > you a new one. Anata! Could you come here?" > > Sana's husband Akito walked in, carrying a NERV (tm) coffee mug. "Hm?" > > "Ju-chan's Tamagotchi is acting strange. Take a look." She handed it > over to him. Ryo: Nothing a hammer won't fix. Kyoko: Don't be mean! Nyah! > "NERV? Since when did they get involved with making these things? This > merchandising thing of theirs is getting out of hand." > > [ARGH! I can't find my way around this place worth a DAMN!] > > ------------------------------------------------ > > Aoba quickly put away the mangas he had pilfered from Hyuuga's desk and > tried to appear busy as the Subcommander of the whole operation walked in. > > "Uh, Subcommander, there seem to be reports of odd electronic phenomena > around the city this morning. All of them seem to be relating to NERV." > > Fuyutsuki blinked, and looked over at Aoba. "What?" > > Aoba handed him a NERV (tm) clipboard with several official statements on > it. The Subcommander read them over, puzzled. "This is one of the strangest > things I've ever seen. Any clue as to what it might be?" > > "None, sir. So far, it's been relatively harmless, so they've speculated > that it's just a prank. Still, it's a pretty widespread one, if you ask > me. All over the city, so far." > > Fuyutsuki nodded. "Well, keep an eye on this thing, just in case." He > looked around the room. "Where is Hyuuga?" > > "Um, check report number...seven, there." Aoba pointed at the clipboard. > > Fuyutsuki did so. He raised an eyebrow. "Well, that's interesting." > > "Yeah. Maia went in to check up on him." Ryo: I have absolutely nothing to say about this scene. Megs: Nor I. Ryoko: It wasn't bad... no... Kyoko: Was okay... Ryo: ah, well, next scene. > ------------------------------------------------ > > Maia sat next to Hyuuga in the NERV infirmary. He was on one of the cots, > several bandages and an icepack on his head. His glasses were on the table > next to him. > > She was looking very confused. "Now...run that by me again?" > > Hyuuga sighed. "I found another machine that _said_ it had Dr. Pepper. I > put in the money, punch the button, and then the LED sign on it asks where > NERV is or something like that. It didn't give me my soda. So I kicked it, > the stupid piece of junk. The next thing I know, I'm on the ground, an > exploded can of _Mr. Pibb_," he growled the name of the soda, "lying next > to me, my forehead's bleeding, and some girl with long black hair wearing > a Shinto priestess outfit is there slapping wards on the drink machine." Ryo: ah, that's my cue. ========== DRINK COKE ========== Kyoko: *giggle* Mine too! ============= DRINK SNAPPLE ============= Ryo: ... > Maia could only stare at him. "Well...." > > "I dunno, those wards seemed to have worked, 'cos the machine stopped > beeping after that. Nice girl...can't remember her name right now, though > something tells me that I really should. At least her first name." Hyuuga > fell silent a moment, grumbling. "I ought to sue, you know." Maia nodded > and started to say something, but Hyuuga went on. "False advertisement! > That machine said it had Dr. Pepper!" > > Maia fell out of her chair. Megs: (in a Sean Connery immitation voice) So, Dr. Pepper, we meet again. Ryoko: (wearing eye patch) You shall not stop my plans for world domination THIS time. My killer vending machines shall pummel you! > ************************************************ > > "Actually, I don't mind Mr. Pibb that much. But I do like Dr. Pepper a > lot more." The writer paused. "Well, so much for the pretense of having > helpful comments." Ryo: everyone ready? [the others nod] ========================= COKE: IT'S THE REAL THING =================================== SNAPPLE: NUMBER TWO AND PROUD OF IT =================================== EVIAN PURE NATURAL SPRING WATER ================ IT'S MILLER TIME ================ Megs: well, that wasn't so painful. Kyoko: o/" Sell out! With me tonight! Sell out! With me tonight! o/" Ryoko: o/" the bev'rage company's gonna gimmie lotsa money and make everything alright! o/" > ************************************************ > ------------------------------------------------ > > Caspar was hard at work, running the city, analyzing data on past Angel > attacks, playing with the minds of the humans, etc. Suddenly, he stopped. Kyoko: Wai! The friendly ghost! Ryo: Sorry, wrong show. Kyoko: Awww. > [Melchior.] > > [Yes, Caspar?] > > [It seems that someone, or something, is searching for us.] Megs: o/" Lookin fer luv in awl the wrong play-ces o/" Ryo: AAAAAAGH! STOP! > [Something like that. There have been messages all over the city asking > how to get to NERV HQ or something.] Melchior did a quick check. [Yeah, > that's it, all right. What do you think this means?] > > Balthshazar came in, after running possibilities through his circuits. [I > haven't got enough information to draw any conclusions, yet. Caspar? What > about you?] > > Caspar was silent, thinking. Then, he spoke. [I feel...a disturbance in > the Force.] > > Melchior sighed cybernetically. > > [Balthshazar, have you been downloading those gaijin movies again?] > > [Umm...no comment.] Megs: So what if one of'em watches 'Kim does Kyoto'? Ryoko: Don't make me mallet you. > ------------------------------------------------ > > "Dr. Akagi." Megs: Ooh! She's cute. Don't tell me she DOESN'T get a steamy scene later. Ryo: Well, this IS Mr. Huang writing it... Megs: Oh. Yeah. *feh* > "The Magi haven't been able to come up with anything yet. The randomness > of the occurrences seem to be throwing them off." > > "Keep working on it." > > "Yes, Subcommander. Ah, where is Commander Ikari?" > > "He called in sick today." > > ------------------------------------------------ > > "Dammit. Rei knows Jujitsu, too, does she?" Megs: Ohyeah! The chick can fight too! I _definitely_ wanna see more of her. > Gendou continued wrapping his two wrists and both ankles with tape, > giving a vicious tug with his words. It was kind of difficult, with both of > his arms in slings. > > ------------------------------------------------ > > Kensuke sat down next to Asuka during lunch. He had no one else to talk > to, considering how...involved the others were. > > "You know, I'm getting sick of this. It was Rei and Shinji the past few > days, and now Touji and Hikari, too." > > Asuka sighed. "Yeah, I know. I guess I'm glad that Hikari's happy, but... > do they _have_ to do this in class?" > > "It could be worse. You remember how Rei was just afterwards." > > Both nodded. Then Asuka sighed, wistfully. > > "I haven't seen Kaji in a few days...." > > "Feeling lonely, eh? Yeah." > > Asuka looked at him strangely. "What do you mean by that?" > > "Well, I mean," continued Kensuke, waving in the general direction of the > two couples, "seeing all that around you, y'know, but not...." He sighed. > > Asuka softened a bit. "I suppose you're right." They returned to staring > at the two pairs. Finally, Kensuke got fed up. > > "That's it. Enough with them." He turned to the computer on his desktop > and turned it on to play some Nethack. Asuka looked over his shoulder. > > "Wow, you're playing a Tourist? Tough one." > > Kensuke nodded. But before he could start the game, the screen flickered > wildly. > > [Where is NREV? I mean, NERV?] > > Asuka blinked. "What?" > > Kensuke screamed. "MY SAVEFILE!!!!!!" Ryo: Remember, kids, don't plug into games unprotected. You never know what kind of viruses you might pick up. Megs: Which is why we have NERV anti-virus 4.0! More powerful than an AT field! THRUST into the internet without fear, and DIVE right into as many sites as ya want! WIth NERV anti-virus 4.0, you're protected! > ************************************************ > > The writer stopped and grinned broadly. > > "My best regards to the DevTeam." All: Who? > ************************************************ > > This quickly brought Rei, Shinji, Touji, and Hikari running. "What > happened?" asked Hikari. > > Kensuke was quietly weeping. Asuka pointed at the screen. "Well, he > started playing Nethack, when this suddenly popped up." > > Touji tapped at the keys a bit, but nothing happened. "Someone's trying > to find NERV? This is kind of weird. What do you suppose it is?" > > Rei sat back down at her desk, and turned looked through her computer. > "Nothing wrong here...wait, some of my files were opened. The ones about > NERV general information.... We'd better tell someone about this." > > Four cellular phones were pulled out simultaneously. Megs: Robin, to the batcave! Kyoko: dadadadada! (The NERV symbol appears, spinning wildly) > ------------------------------------------------ > > "Yes? Oh...more of that stuff, huh? Right, I'll log it." Aoba hung up > the phone. "Doctor, seems that 'prank' has been showing up at school, where > the pilots are." > > Ritsuko nodded. "I'll get this data to the Magi. And who's playing that > music? It's starting to get distracting." > > [Sorry.] The Star Wars theme turned off. > > "Thanks. I--" Ritsuko stopped, looking around, then shrugged. More > important things lay ahead. Megs: John Williams would be proud, I think. > ------------------------------------------------ > > School let out. At last. > > Asuka sighed in relief, now that she could finally get away from those > four. Then she frowned. "Right about now, Hikari and I would be going to > the mall, normally." She grumbled. She wasn't about to go there alone.... > She sat down at a bench, staring up at the clouds. > > I really shouldn't be so bothered by all of that. I mean, I've done just > fine on my own for years now. Megs: She should get what every lonely girl keeps in her drawer, a dil- *****WHAM***** Ryoko: Thaaaaaaaat's enough outta you. > "Asuka?" > > Yeah, that's right. I don't need to worry about that. Hey, maybe I _will_ > go shopping by myself. > > "Asuka-chan?" > > Besides, it's not like I should spend all my time with Hikari. Megs: It's a Lesbian thing, I tell ya. Ryo: Dream on, wayward son. > "Asuka!" > > "WHAT!? WHAT?!!" > > Hikari and Touji fell away, nervously. "Uh, didn't you say that we were > going to the mall today?" > > Asuka blinked. "Oh...yeah. Yeah!" > > Hikari smiled. "Well, come on!" She looked over at Touji. "I want to try > on some things for him." Touji blushed. Asuka grumbled. Megs: THREEEEEEEEEEESOME!!! Ryoko: Pshaw. Right. Megs: Hey, a guy can hope, okay? > ------------------------------------------------ > > The thirteenth Angel was getting nervous. It was, at present, surrounded > by many, many individual electronic systems. It was going to be next to > impossible to get out of this place, it seemed. > > "Hey, there's Shinji. Next to the arcade. Hey!" > > "Oh, hi, guys. Man, I was going to try out that new Street Fighter game, > but most of the machines in there aren't working." > > [HELP!!!] > > "Oh. Pity." > > Yes, the Angel wasn't going to be going anywhere for a while. A long > while. > > "Well, where's Ayanami, huh?" > > "She wanted to finish up her homework. > > "Too bad, huh?" Touji elbowed his friend. > > *slap* > > "OW! What did you do that for?!" Shinji rubbed his cheek. > > Asuka looked embarassed. "Ah, heh, sorry...reflex action." Then she > glared at him. "But I _still_ think you're a pervert." She stomped away. Ryoko: I know what she means. Megs: Issats-*WHAM* Ryoko: See what I mean? > Touji stared after her. "Some things never change, huh?" Ryo: Well, The More Things Change... you know. Ryoko: That was bad, Ryo. Really bad. > "Come on, she's not that bad...she just has to adjust," interjected > Hikari. > > "Whatever. Well, Shinji we'd better get going now. We've got training in > a few hours, and Hikari still wants to go roaming around here. Plus, now > that you mention it, maybe I should get started on my homework...." > > ------------------------------------------------ > > "Oh, Hyuuga. Feeling better?" > > Hyuuga waved a can of his choice soda. "Much, yes. Anyways, anything > about that stuff about asking for directions to NERV yet?" Ryo: Ahem. ========== DRINK COKE ========== > Ritsuko walked out of her office. "Caspar detected a blue pattern, but > only very fleetingly. Also, the other two Magi haven't gotten so much as a > trace, so there's no conclusion yet. Especially with the sheer randomness > of it all. The Angels have been much more direct, so it just doesn't seem > quite likely." > > "Well, whatever it is...it's been a royal pain." > > "And keep that away from the console. Go drink it outside." > > Hyuuga flinched. "Yes, ma'am." Ryo: SODA FASCIST! > ------------------------------------------------ > > [Blue pattern, huh? How come we haven't gotten any trace of it?] > > [You must reach out with the Fo--] > > [WOULD YOU GET OFF THAT DAMN MOVIE ALREADY?!] > > [Okay! Okay. Calm down, you'll burn out a circuit.] > > [Too late. I think some of yours carried over to me, or something like > that. Balthshazar. Balthshazar! Get off the freaking Net already, would > you?] > > [Sorry, sorry. I found some Babylon 5 clips, and....] Megs: I'll take Star Wars any day over THAT, thankya... > Melchior cursed silently. What was it with him and old Western science > fiction? Then, [Anyways, Caspar--how did you get a blue pattern?] > > [Actually, I guess I happened to be scanning the right place at the right > time. It doesn't seem to leave any footprints or anything like that, so > once it leaves, any pattern traces leave too.] > > [Well, until I can see it with my own...um, "eyes", then....] > > [Same here.] > > [Well, keep looking, then.] > > Caspar returned to playing the saved game of Nethack which had somehow > appeared in his memory banks during that one detection of a blue pattern. > [Never got a Tourist advanced this high before. Not bad at all.] Ryo: One wonders what would happen if these three got a hold of QUAKE Megs: Computer lockdown? Ryo: Quite possibly. > ------------------------------------------------ > > Fuyutsuki walked into the apartment, briefly noting the odd brown stains > all over the kitchen wall. He promptly ignored them, and continued into > the study. > > "Commander?" > > "Ah, Fuyutsuki. Update?" > > "There may be...what happened to you?" > > "I...ah...." > > "Did you go talk to Rei again?" > > "..." > > Mental note: don't cross Rei. "Well, anyways. There may be an Angel on > the loose in Tokyo-3. A sort of computer virus, like the eleventh. Problem > is, we can't track the thing, and only Caspar so far has detected a blue > pattern from it. Even then, Caspar isn't completely sure of it." > > Gendou would have been rubbing his chin in thought, were he capable of > moving his arms that way. "Well. Nothing more concrete than that?" > > "No, Commander. What about the training today?" > > "I suppose if it's that vague, then we should continue. But be ready > to take countermeasures at any time, all right?" > > "Right." > > Fuyutsuki turned to go, when Gendou suddenly shouted, "So _that's_ it-- > OW!" > > "Commander?" > > "Forgot about the arm again.... That must have been what blew up my NERV > (tm) coffeemaker this morning." > > "Oh. I see." I have _got_ to get out of this business. He again turned to > leave, but-- > > "Ah, Fuyutsuki?" > > "Yes, sir?" > > "Could you please push my glasses back up onto the bridge of my nose? I > can't quite do that at the moment." Ryoko: No comments, huh? Megs: ... Ryo: ... Kyoko: ... Ryo: Oh, wait, I have one. ========== DRINK COKE ========== Ryoko: Now you're being silly. > ------------------------------------------------ > > "It's the strangest thing, isn't it?" > > Kaji nodded. He was, again, meeting with his contact, this time in a > crowded bar. No one paid them any attention. "Well, you guys have it all > too, don't you? Not like it's classified this time." > > "Yes, but we haven't had time to analyze any data yet. Have they come up > with anything yet?" > > "No. At least, not before an hour ago. I haven't heard anything since > then." > > "All right. So, what'll you have?" > > "No alcohol for me tonight.... Dr. Pepper." > > "Sorry, they only have Mr. Pibb here." > > "Oh. Okay." Ryo: It's an anti-COKE consipiracy, I tell you. > ------------------------------------------------ > > "What's on the schedule today, Misato-san?" > > "First off, some target practice. And now that we have all the soul- > filters from...." There was a pause, and the rustle of papers being read. > "From Maxwell House in place, all four of you can train together again." > > "Yeah, just make sure Units 01 and 00 don't get distracted." > > A cold, dispassionate voice broke in. "Don't worry about that. I'm here > for only one reason." > > Asuka raised an eyebrow. Seemed like Rei was back to her ice queen mode. > > The cold, dispassionate voice warmed up. "But afterwards, on the other > hand...." > > Then again, maybe not. > > "All right...lock and load, guys." There was just the hint of a laugh in > Misato's voice. Megs: You know... I betcha they'd reach a new high if they all synched THEN f-*WHAP* Ow! Ryoko: Hush, you. > ------------------------------------------------ > > Misato was impressed. Although Asuka's synch readings were still the same > as usual this evening, give or take one or two percent, her aim was... > > *BLAM* "Ha! Dead center!" > > ...more or less perfect. _That_ meant that it was Asuka herself making > significant improvements. Kind of scary, actually. > > "Wow, Asuka," said an awed Touji, "you're doing great!" > > "Indeed," added Rei. > > "Huh? What?" Asuka turned EVA-02 to face the others. "I wasn't--" > > *BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM* > > "--listening. Oh." Ryo: Wipe that grin off your face, Megs, and do NOT- Megs: C'mon, just ONE phallic joke about Asuka and her gun? Please? Ryo: Have a little taste. Megs: That's what I got, a little. Ryoko: Ya need more. > The outline of Unit 01's head--including its horn--was neatly punctured > into the wall behind it. Right next to the leftmost bullethole was the > control room. There was a complete, utter lack of movement. Megs: Her EVA has a head? *WHAP**WHAP**WHAP**WHAP**WHAP**WHAP**WHAP**WHAP**WHAP**WHAP**WHAP* Ryo: Bad taste. Ryoko: Next time I use a mallet! Megs: itaii.... > "Sorry about that." > > Shinji grew a sweatdrop. > > EVA-01 grew a sweatdrop large enough to fill up a good sized jacuzzi. Or > two. > > A total and absolute silence marked the following few seconds, broken > quickly by a slight whimpering sound from somewhere. > > "Ah, Asuka, maybe you want to put the rifle down for a few moments?" > Misato flicked off the comm switch, eyes wide. "She was _distracted_ and > she managed to do that?" She turned to the others. "I can't...hello?" > > Maia peeked her head over the back of her chair, behind which she was > cowering. > > "Is she done yet?" > > "A-Asuka," wavered Shinji's voice, "whatever it was that I did to you, > I'm really, _really_ sorry. Could--could you point that someplace else?" Megs: Asuuuuka, pointin'er Big Thang at Shinjiiii.... Ryo: Please, stop. Megs: Shinjiii, feelin'an infeeeeeeeeriority compleeeex. Ryo: Egads. > "Not at me! Hey! HEY!" EVA-00 scampered...well, lumbered around to avoid > the potential line of fire. Megs: Asuuuuuka, lookin'to spray Reiiiii. Ryoko: One day you'll wake up with something cut off, Megs. > Ritsuko picked herself up off the floor. "That was...interesting. Very. > Hyuuga?" > > Aoba sat up. "I think he hit his head again. He's out cold and mumbling > 'Mommy, Mommy'...oh, damn, he's going to need to change his pants, too." Megs: Oedipal complex? > "Sorry, sorry! I'll put on the--" > > *BLAMBLAMBLAM* > > "--safety?" > > This time, Misato had also thrown herself to the floor. She sat up, > wincing. She hit the comm switch and said, "Touji-kun, there's no need to > keep praying out loud. She's out of ammuni--" > > *BLAM* > > A bit of glass went *tinkle*. Megs: That ain't all that went tinkle, I'm sure. Ryo: *sigh* Ryoko: now THAT was disgusting. > "Remind me," came Misato's muffled voice from beneath the computer > terminal, "never to say _anything_ at all. Ever." Megs: Only goes to show that if God wanted women to hav- Ryo: Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat's enough. > ------------------------------------------------ > > The Angel "staggered" through a few more circuits. Then, it realized > something. > > It was in an EVA. Unit 02, it seemed. And what was more, it was active. > > [EUREKA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!] > > Now, then, to infiltrate-- > > "Great job, you all...especially you, Asuka. No, don't try to bow, it's > okay. Stop waving that rifle all over. All right, let's call it a day." > > "Turning off external power...draining internal reserves. Has anyone > found my Prozac yet?" > > "No, but here are some of those dried frog pills that I haven't used > yet--" > > *WHIIIiiiirrrrrr* > > The systems went dark as everything was shut down. > > [I have no eyes and I must cry....] Megs: The world... is a cold and lonely place... Ryo: Curse you, Ranma Saotome! Both: WAHAHAHAHAA! Ryoko: It isn't THAT much like Ryoga. > ------------------------------------------------ > > Misato jogged up to join Asuka, who was just leaving the locker room. > "You did really great today." Misato wasn't sure what was setting Asuka > off, but a compliment would never hurt. > > "Yeh. Thanks." Asuka sighed. > > "Something wrong?" > > They both stepped into the elevator. Misato punched the button to > take them to the indoor parking lot. > > "Well...I...." Asuka frowned, waving her hands around in an attempt > to wrench out the words to express her disquiet. "Ah...I don't know. I > can't say exactly." > > "I understand. It's all been...very weird for us." > > "Sorry about shooting up the control room...did you get all the glass > out of your hair?" > > "Yeah. Don't worry about it--you showed a huge amount of improvement > otherwise." > > They rode on, in silence. > > Something finally occurred to Misato. > > "Wait, where's Shinji?" > > Asuka wrinkled her nose. Carefully, she chose out some words to convey > her distaste. "He and Rei are, as could be said, deep in 'conversation'." Megs: or Shinji's deep in Rei, a-cha-cha-chaaa. ^_^ Kyoko: Wha'sat mean? Ryo: Just ignore him, Kyo-chan. We all try. > ------------------------------------------------ > > In a lounge, somewhere in HQ, with the lights dimmed down a bit.... > > Two figures still dressed in plug suits, one mostly white, the other blue > and white, were sitting on a couch. Or more precisely, the one in blue and > white was sitting on the couch, while the one in mostly white was on the > lap of the first. Needless to say, they were _very_ close to each other. > > "Well...what do you suppose Nietzsche _did_ mean by that?" > > "I'm not sure myself." > > They were deep in conversation, indeed. A rather cozy scene, it was... > > "Oh, forget about it." > > *smooch* > > ...and even more so now. Megs: Well, he wasn't before, but looks like he's about to _now_. > ------------------------------------------------ > > "I guess...I do feel lonely," admitted Asuka. Megs: HEY! WHATTHE?!?!? CUT BACK TO REI! AAAAAAAAAGH! Ryo: Down, boy. You can always watch 'Kim does Kyoto'. Megs: But I wanna see REI do Kyoto! > Misato and Asuka were now careening down the road to the apartment. The > moon, looming in the sky, cast a silvery sheen over the landscape. > > "Oh, really? I guess I can see that." > > "It's so weird, though. I never had many friends in Germany or the > United States. Here, I've got Hikari, and...there are three other people > here who understand. Understand what it is to be one of the Children." > > "But, with everything going on lately, you feel left out." > > Asuka hesitated, then nodded. Misato smiled. > > "Well, then, maybe you should do a little...ah, searching yourself." > > Asuka frowned. "What, with _those_ losers? All the guys at school are a > bunch of creeps and perverts. I mean, the best of them...." She trailed off > there for a moment, then continued. "Besides, I'm not interested in _boys_. > I'm looking for a _man_. Like Kaji." She smiled, a slowly fading smile. Megs: Dare I suggest it? Ryo: Eh? Megs: This is perhaps a foreshadowing of a Kaji/Asuka lemon scene? Ryo: I think... Huang-san has a little too much taste to do THAT. Megs: Feh. Well, it's only a matter of time. I can wait. > Misato looked at her a little worriedly. But then, she always had been > the irate type, when it came to boys. And the whole thing about Kaji.... > She could feel herself starting to blush. Megs: Hey, maybe a Kaji/Misato/Asuka th- Ryoko: SHUTUUUUUUUUUUP! > "Misato?" > > "Hm?" > > "You're in the--" > > *HOOONK* *HOOOOOOOOOONK* > > "--WRONG LANE! WRONG LAAAAANE!!!!!!" > > "YAAAAAHHH!!!!" > > *scrEEEEEEEch* > > ------------------------------------------------ > > Shinji and Rei finally came up for air. Megs: Yeah, an'we missed the good bits thanks to 'Rated G' Huang. > "Y'know, Rei-chan, as strange as it's all been, I'm glad." > > "So am I." Rei rested her head against Shinji's chest, listening to his > slow breathing. He lightly ran his fingers through her short hair. > > "But I'm wondering about Asuka." > > Rei pulled away slightly, to look him in the eyes. "What do you mean?" Megs: "I was wondering if we could all share a bed!" > "Well," he slowly spoke, "she's been acting weird. I mean, sometimes > she's all uppity like she's always been, but at other times...well, like > during training, today. She was so, so distracted." Megs: "And Rei, it really turned me on." > Rei nodded. "Well, she's been able to manage before." Megs: "Thanks to Mr. Han-" Ryoko: AHEM. Megs: Aw, you guys never let me have any fun. > Shinji chuckled. "It's just that I'm not sure that we will. She really > shot up the training area today." Megs: Zis iz ze rezzzzzzult off pent up zzexual tenzion releazed in von violent zpurt. Ryo: Thank you Dr. Ruth Westheimer. Megs: Hey, I try. *GRIN* > "Well...maybe, maybe we should help her get her mind off of things. Help > her adjust." > > "Sounds good. But how?" > > "We'll figure out something. Maybe we should talk to Hikari, too; they're > close friends, and I think she'd like to help out." > > Shinji nodded his assent. They sat in silence for a few minutes, just > thinking and...snuggling, for lack of a better word. > > "Shoot, look at the time. I'd better get home...." > > Rei pouted cutely, something which she getting even better at nowadays. > > "Ah...but I'm sure Misato won't mind me being a little late...." Megs: And don't forget yer ATCs! Ryoko: ATCs? Megs: Didn'cha read part 2? Absolute Terror Cond- Ryoko: OOOOOkay! > ************************************************ > > The writer stopped and stared. Then he looked up. > > "Did you just feel that sugar rush too? I think I did. Yow." Ryo: We've been suffering from Diabetes from the start, you sentimental ninny! Ryoko: Aw, be nice! I _like_ romance! And Shinji and Rei make such a cute couple! Ryo: Romance is one thing, death by kawaii is another. > ************************************************ > ------------------------------------------------ > > Meanwhile, in one of the EVA cages.... > > [o/" Nobody knows...the trouble I've seen.... o/"] > > Even an Angel can become bored. Megs: o/" I got a west side baby, she lives waaaaaaay 'cross town o/" Ryo: o/" Is you is, or is you ain't my baby o/" Ryoko: Enough with the blues revival already. > ------------------------------------------------ > > "Next time, I drive." > > "Ah, heh...sorry. But Asuka, you don't have a license yet." > > "Neither will you, if you keep that up." > > Misato yanked open the refrigerator and grabbed herself a beer. Or two. > Or, actually, four. "Want anything to eat or drink?" > > "No...." Asuka plopped down on the couch and lay there, staring at the > ceiling. > > "You know, that used to be Shinji's job." > > "Eh--what?" > > "Lying down, looking at nothing, and thinking all the time. Looks like > he's rubbing off on you." Misato smiled. > > Asuka's brow creased. "Shinji. It's his fault, I know it. I just have > to figure out how." She sighed. > > "Well, take it easy. I gotta do some work...." Misato left the living > room and retreated to her bedroom. Asuka resumed staring up at the > ceiling. > > Well, here I am again. Shinji's out there...with Rei.... Hikari's busy > tonight with her family and Touji. Kensuke...well, maybe he's worse off > than I am, what with losing his savefile like that. But only barely. > > Kaji...where is he? I mean, I haven't seen him in days. He'd understand > me. Of course he would. Being lonely sucks.... Megs: C'mon, he's reeeeeeeealy hinting at an Asuka/Kaji thing. Ryoko: Is not! Megs: Is too! Ryoko: Is not! Megs: Is too is too is too! Ryoko: Is not is not is not is not! Ryo: ENOUGH! > Finally, she gave up, and turned on the TV, doing a bit of channel > surfing. Finally, she settled on some old gaijin movie, untranslated, set > in outer space somewhere. Of note was...what was that, a "laitoseba" > wossname? She really needed to brush up on her English. > > Sometime during the movie, Asuka drifted off towards sleep, just about > to embark on an Enlightening Dream Sequence (tm). Unfortunately-- > > *creak* > > "I'm home," whispered a voice. It was followed by the careful shutting > of a door, and tiptoes that went near the couch. Shinji. > > Asuka waited until he was just past her when she got up. > > "Hey." > > "WAAAAAUGH!!" > > She had never seen anyone jump so high without a running start. > > "Something wrong?" > > "*gasp* N-no, not at...at all...." > > Misato poked her head out of her room. "Something wrong out there? Oh, > Shinji." > > "I, I'm all right...she just kind of surprised me." > > "Well, all right, but don't come back so late next time. At least, tell > me first." She smiled, then ducked back inside. > > "And where have you been?" > > "Ah, heh, just making ou--time! Making time with Rei. That's all." Megs: Y'know, it's said time flies when you ma- Ryo: AHEM. > Asuka snarled at him, then stalked to her room, giving him one last > withering look. Shinji sighed in relief. This had been a day of ups and > downs. Megs: She's practically BEGGING for a threesome. C'mon. > ------------------------------------------------ > > Let it never be said that the Magi neglect their duties. Always at work, > 24 hours a day, running the city of Tokyo-3. Keeping a watch for certain > elements that seem bent on harming mankind. Ensuring the safety of not > only the residents of their city, but, verily, the entire world. > > [Any more traces, Caspar?] Megs & Ryo: o/" He's Cas-par, the computer ghost! o/" WAHAHAHAHA! Ryoko: Idiots. > [No, none at all. Well, the incidents seem to have stopped, so maybe > it's all over.] > > [Yeah. Well, neither of us got anything today. I--] Melchior stopped. > > [What is it?] > > [I hear something odd. Music.] > > Balthshazar strained his "ears". [Yeah...sounds like....] > > [Sounds like...someone singing..."Achy Breaky Heart"?] > > [Egad.] > > [From nearby. The EVA cages.] > > [One of the techs, probably.... They're still doing some maintenance on > Unit 02.] > > [Maybe if we ignore it, it'll go away?] > > [Already doing it, Balthshazar.] > > Let it never be said that...oh, forget it. Ryo: achey breaky in an EVA? That's grounds for dismantling the thing, isn't it? > ------------------------------------------------ > > For some reason, though she was now lying in her bed, Asuka couldn't > sleep. She sighed. > > Well, today was pretty good. My aim's way up...beat Shinji, hah. Let's > see _him_ hit five bullseyes in a row. > > He seemed pretty happy when he walked in, aside from the sneaking part. > > Ah, who cares? The important thing is, I'm doing way better than he is. > And Rei. And Touji. I'm the best. > > But it's annoying, the way he-- > > Shut up, already! Don't worry about that. Tomorrow, tomorrow we've got > some more training. Hand-to-hand stuff. I'll show them, I will. > > Am I going to have to stare at them four all cozy together? > > What's your problem? Stop worry about them, already. You...I mean, _I_ > am doing fine. > > Well.... > > Gah. I'm whining with myself. This is bad. > > Asuka turned over on her stomach, staring at the clock next to her > head. Hmm, it wasn't that late anyway. Might as well do some reading. > She turned on the light by her bed and picked up a book. > > Yeah, tomorrow. I'll show them. Megs: So, she's gonna run across campus nude? Ryoko: C'mere, you. > ------------------------------------------------ > > Rei lay on her bed, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. A faint smile > touched her lips, like the one she smiled when Shinji-kun once asked for > her to smile. He didn't have to ask, anymore, she'd gladly smile for him, > anytime.... > > Her eyes drooped and finally closed. > > *bam* *bam* "The Council of Ayanami will now be in order." *bam* > > It was a conference room, of sorts. It was filled with Ayanami Reis, like > in part 2, except now they were more organized. At the front of the room > was Original, who presided as the ChairAyanami. Seated around her were the > other Ayanamis (except for Lazy Rei, who was off asleep somewhere). As > usual, they were all dressed in the blue school uniform (except for > Professional, in her plug suit). They were now silent, all attention > focused on the ChairAyanami. > > You ain't seen surreal until you've seen this. Megs: Actually, there's some serious erotic potential here. Ryoko: Do I need to kick you around again? > Original put down her gavel and then spoke. "I will now turn the floor > over to Book, who will give a report on the past few days." > > Book stepped up to a podium. "Our relationship with Ikari Shinji-kun has > progressed very swiftly--" she paused, interrupted by some cheering from > the back; Affectionate, of course. "Many thanks to Affectionate. Also, > thanks to Nervous, who managed to keep things under control and stop us > from scaring Shinji away by being, that is, too forward." She gave a > piercing glance at Affectionate, who blushed a little, and grinned. Book > continued. "Attempts to keep us separated have been, fortunately, easily > put aside, with help from our, ah, Physical Security official." She nodded > at Kickboxer Rei, who nodded back. "So far, everything concerning Shinji- > kun has been just fine. However, there is now another problem." Book > stepped down, and Nervous took her place. > > "Uh, um, well, it's about Asuka. Er, Souryuu Asuka Langley." Nervous > paused and took a few breaths. "Ah, I think she's going a little nuts or > something out there. Ikari-kun mentioned that it was probably somewhat, ah, > related to us an' Hikari and Touji, y'know...." Her lip quirked as she > thought. "Sometimes, she's just annoying as usual, but then, she gets > just...really out there. It's weird." Nervous sat back down. > > "So, the agenda is to find a solution to this. And beating up is out of > the question." Irate Rei sat back down, grumbling. Common Sense Rei stood > up. "The Chair recognizes Common Sense." Ryoko: You should follow their example, Ryo. Ryo: Feh. > "As stated, it is probably related to feelings of lonliness on Asuka's > part, as her friends and colleagues are suddenly, ah, occupied with each > other. Therefore, one solution would be to, ah, distract her similarly." > > "Play matchmaker, in other words," called out Affectionate. > > "You could say it that way." > > "Are there any other proposals, _besides_ kicking her into next week?" > Irate Rei again sat down grumbling. No one else said anything. "Well, then, > it seems that would be the chosen means." > > Common Sense continued. "And, of course, there is one obvious vic--that > is, candidate who comes to mind." She paused. > > "Kensuke," said each and every single one of them, simultaneously. Megs: Oh, sure, this is a match. Ryo: Not. > Practical Joker Rei started to laugh. > > Rei--that is, the real-world Rei, woke with a start. Blinking, she saw > that the clock read 3 AM. With a sigh, she buried her head underneath her > pillow. > > "Why can't I ever have a _normal_ dream?" Megs: What, no lesbian Rei? > ------------------------------------------------ > > Asuka was smirking, confidently. She had been smirking all morning. > > Shinji took this to be a good sign. "Well, maybe she'll be all right now. > What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?" > > Rei hesitated a moment. "It was about a possible way to stabilize Asuka, > but I don't know if it's necessary anymore." > > "What's that? I heard my name." > > "Nothing to worry about, Asuka," said Rei, smoothly. "We're just glad to > see you back to your usual self." Megs: Okay, maybe this is the lesbian Rei. Ryo: You're desperate for some action, aren't you. Megs: *sob* Does it show?!?! > "Ah, that," said Asuka dismissively. "I'm fine. Megs: That's right! > So good of you to be > concerned." She smirked some more. > > When she left the area again, Shinji whispered to Rei. "Then again, she > does seem to be overdoing it a little bit. Best just keep an eye on her for > now." > > Class started. > > ------------------------------------------------ > > The Children piled into their EVAs and gathered in the Big Room, which > had been repaired overnight. Misato was again in charge of the control > room. > > "All right, today's going to be close quarters combat training. Touji, > you'll need this most, since you're the newest." She paused. "Therefore, > we're going to have to push you a little bit. Shinji, you and Touji match > off first. Asuka and Rei, you stand and watch for now." > > Touji went a little pale. "I'm going to have to fight _him_?" Shinji did, > after all, have the best combat record of the three veterans. > > "Don't worry. Just remember what you _can_ do that he can't." > > "What?" > > "You'll find out, Shinji." > > He's been here a month, and I haven't heard about this? Oh well. Both of > us need the practice. "All right." > > *pow* > > "ANGK! Hwot hwas thanght?" Shinji held his now slightly bleeding nose. > EVA-03 hadn't moved forward, from the other side of the room, and yet-- "He > bobbed me righnt on da nose!" > > "Hey, it did work! Ha!" Touji cackled. His EVA's arms had elongated to > around three times their normal length and smacked Unit 01 right in the > face. Ryo: An.... Elastic EVA, so to speak. Megs: So, what other parts on it grow? *WHAP* Megs: OW! WHAAAAAAAAAT?! > Misato just smiled. "Did the Gumby trick, eh?" > > The brawl was soon underway. > > ------------------------------------------------ > > Asuka watched with extreme interest at the two fighting. After a little > dancing around, Shinji had finally gotten past Touji's long reach, and they > were now grappling in close quarters. "I'll have to take notes," she said. > > "It is a good idea. You never know what form or ability the next Angel > may have. They--" Rei ducked as a piece of wall went flying past her EVA's > head. "They have always seemed to have some sort of advantage in the past." > > Asuka nodded as she watched Unit 01 perform quite a piledriver on 03. > "Now, that had to hurt." > > "NOOGIE!!!!!" Shinji introduced EVA-03's head to 01's fist. His legs were > subsequently yanked out from under him by a maneuver known usually only to > contortionists of the extreme type. Ryo: Noogie? Noogie? This, from Shinji Ikari? Ryoko: Well, he IS more outgoing in this storyline. Ryo: Yes, but... Noogie? > "No," said Rei, "_that_ had to hurt." It was a two-and-a-half nelson, > which could only be accomplished with the seemingly rubber limbs that Unit > 03 had. Unit 01's head was now being smashed into the floor. "I wonder if > my EVA could be fitted for those kinds of arms...." > > "Ooh, now that's impressive. I didn't realize that Shinji knew how to tie > a knot like that." > > "That wasn't Shinji; Touji did that to his own arms. Ah, looks like he > got himself undone." The fact that EVA-01 was now flying across the room > attested to that statement. "Maintenance isn't going to be pleased." > > Shinji quickly closed in, before Touji could bring his stretchiness, but > was quickly grabbed into a headlock. "Ha! Let's see how _you_ handle a > noog--OW!" > > "Heh, like the horn?" Shinji performed a quick (if clumsy) judo throw, > smashing Touji onto his back. > > "Taught him that move myself," said Rei with pride. Megs: And I wonder how. Rrrrrrrrrowr. ^_^ > "All right, that'll do for you guys. Take a breather. Girls, it's your > turn now." Ryo: DON'T say it. Megs: Say what? > 01 and 03 shambled to the side, while 00 and 02 took up their positions. > > "You ready?" Asuka asked, grinning. Rei nodded. > > EVA-02 charged. > > ------------------------------------------------ > > Having gotten lost somewhere around Negative Three Thousand Six Hundred > Fifty-Eight Bottles of Sapporo On the Wall, the thirteenth Angel finally > realized that its host was active and ready to go. > > [It's showtime....] Kyoko: o/" This is it! The Night of nights! Start the show! Light the lights! And what a night this iiiiiiis! On with the show this is iiiiiiiiiit! o/" Ryo: Ah, she's been watching more Looney Toons, I see. > ------------------------------------------------ > > Asuka's battlecry rang through the Big Room, while Rei merely stared at > the charging EVA coolly. Then, something happened. Were this written in > script format, it would go something like > [the view suddenly zooms in on Asuka's left eye, and then goes dark] > or so. EVA-02 suddenly stopped in its tracks. It was quiet, suddenly, in > the area. But with the Magi, it was different. > > [BLUE PATTERN DETECTED BLUE PATTERN DETECTED] > > [SOURCE FROM EVANGELION UNIT 02] > > [BLUE PATTERN DETECTED BLUE PATTERN DETECTED] > > "WHAT?!" > > And before anyone could do anything, Unit 02 charged again. > > "Rei! LOOK OUT!" Then, to the techs--"Cut Unit 02's power supply NOW!" > > *PFFSSSS* > > "No good! Some internal energy source is powering it!" > > "What about the pilot?" > > "Can't get any readings on her...doesn't seem like she's linked to the > EVA right now...." > > Shinji jumped up to catch the berserk robot, but was backhanded away. It > reached Unit 00 and grabbed it by the neck. Rei, startled, had only time to > grab at the arms before they suddenly twisted and snapped the neck. > > "REIIIIIIIII!!!!!!" > > "Pilot is...unconscious, but alive. She's all right!" > > EVA-02 dropped 00 just in time to be slammed into the wall by an equally > berserk EVA-01. > > "Shinji, don't--" > > "IT HURT REI!" > > "You can't--" > > "IT'S AN ANGEL, ISN'T IT?!" > > "But Asuka's in there!" > > There was a pause, filled with the sounds of the walls cracking from the > pressure. "Aren't you trying to calm me down?" > > "SHINJI!!" > > "ALL RIGHT! But what can I DO!?" > > ------------------------------------------------ > > Asuka blinked, and rubbed her head in pain. What had happened? Well, it > was most decidedly odd, whatever it was. She looked around, through the > sudden gloom. > > She was not in the entry plug. At least, the last time she checked, there > hadn't been any vegetation growing in it. She got up off the ground, > brushed off her plug suit, and walked towards a soft glow. There, she > found.... Well, whatever it was, it looked like a rather ratty little > creature. It certainly smelled ratty. And it was sitting on top of what > appeared to be a clay statue. > > It was humming a tune to itself, somewhat out of key. Ryo: Something with two notes, yes? Megs: Man, is that an obscure Douglas Adams joke or what? Ryo: Feh, so sue me. > ------------------------------------------------ > > Shinji was now straining to hold down Unit 02, without trying to damage > it. At least, no too badly. Touji attempted to find a good place to grab on > and help Shinji hold 02 down, but it kept on moving too much. > > "Come ON! I can't hold it too much longer!" Megs: Love the guy's word choice. > "Commander! You're finally here...another slow moving car?" > > "Ah, er, yes. Shinji...." > > "DON'T JUST STAND THERE!! TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!" > > ------------------------------------------------ > > "Who the hell are you?" > > The creature jumped and whirled around, almost falling off the head of > the statue. > > [Wha-what-eh?] > > Asuka blinked. She wasn't quite sure whether she was _hearing_ the thing > speak, or _seeing_ the words that it was speaking. She shook her head > irritatedly. > > "I said, who the hell are you?" > > The thing started to sweat a little bit. [Ah, ah, ah...I'm...ah...your > soul! Yeah, that's right.] Ryo: o/" I'm a SOOOOUUUUL MAAAAAAAAN! I'm a SOOOOOOOUUUUL MAAAAAAN! o/" > Asuka recoiled. "DU!?" She lapsed into German. "Du bist meine Seele!?" Megs: o/" Deus does not exist but if he does- o/" Ryo: You're accusing ME of obscure references?! Who the hell is gonna recognize THAT old Sugarcubes song?! Megs: Bite me, stick boy. **WHAP** > [Uh...what?] > > "Du, du kleiner Scheiss? Igittigittigitt...." Ryo: Hmm... Megs: Hmm... Both: o/" Ich bein ein un HAPPY GOTH! Ja ich bein ein un HAPPY GOTH! o/" Ryoko: WHAT on earth are you singing?! Megs: 'Happy Goth' by the Liquid Puppies. Innit cool? Ryoko: No. > [I can't understand a word you're saying.] > > Asuka got a handle on herself. "You're my soul." > > [Absolutely right. Ah, heh.] Ryo: If that was my soul I'd have no hesitation selling it. > "Isn't this the sort of thing that's supposed to happen to Shinji? I > mean, come on...weirdness like this is his job, not mine." > > The creature thought quickly. [Shinji...Shinji...oh, right your--I mean, > our friend, the, ah, other pilot. You, you, ah, we, never mind.] > > She stared at it, hard. "What?" > > [Ah, nothing, nothing at all. Well, why might you be here, do you think?] > > "You're asking me?" > > [Well, I, uh, don't know everything that goes on....] > > Asuka shrugged. "I don't know myself." She looked around. "Do you have > any idea what all of this is supposed to represent? Or that statue, for > that matter." She stepped closer. The statue edged back away from her, a > little bit. > > Dammit, dammit, I think I'm in trouble, dammit.... [It's, ah, your mind, > you see, and here I am, in the middle of it, of course! Yes. And, er, this > statue is, you see, you, that is your physical body. And, and....] > > Asuka stepped closer again. Now, she got a really good look at the thing > and also got a stronger whiff of what scent it was carrying. Asuka's vanity > struggled with what she had just been told, and her vanity won. Very > easily. "I don't believe it. No way. Not a chance. I won't believe it. I'm > asking you again. What are you, and what is that thing you're sitting on?" > > It paused. [Oh, forget it. I'm Angel number 13, and this here is the > metaphysical equivalent of EVA-02. A golem, an artificial human.] Then, to > the golem, it said, [Sic her!] > > Asuka's eyes widened. > > ------------------------------------------------ > > "Try to get the entry plug out first." > > "I can't...it's too hard to be holding this down against the wall, I > can't let it go to get to the plug." > > Gendou sighed. Just perfect. > > ------------------------------------------------ > > "Damn it," panted Asuka, "these things aren't supposed to happen to me. > Just Shinji, or maybe Rei...not me." She ducked around a tree, hearing the > rumbles of the golem stomping behind her. > > Wait.... > > Golems were artificial humans. They got their "life" from the words > written on their head. Rub out the words, somehow, and.... > > "Good thing I took a look at that translation of the Kabbalah...." All: Oy Vey! > ------------------------------------------------ > > "Touji! Can you reach it?" > > "Almost...damn! My hand slipped." > > Gendou's face was grim. It looked like.... > > It looked like Unit 02 had just suddenly sagged to the ground, unmoving. > He spun around. "Report!" > > "There is no power running in Unit 02 now...systems are shutting down. > But--there's still a blue pattern showing. Damn!" > > He turned back around, to see Shinji and Touji struggling with the hatch. > "Get her out, now!" > > "It's no good," said Shinji. "The plate isn't coming off. I really don't > understand it." Megs: Bet they never thought they'd see the day they were all on top of Asuka, eh? Ryo: Egads. > ------------------------------------------------ > > Asuka lay on the grass, panting. Her body was thin, yes, but filling out > nicely. And what was on there was almost all muscle. Still, it really > wouldn't hurt if she stopped by the weight room every now and then. > > On the border of her mind, something was whispering to her that this all > wasn't really happening, that this wasn't her physical body. That, then, > asked the question, why she was feeling out of shape. > > Her mental defenses decided to ignore it and just get on with things. > Philosophical questions woul have to wait. > > In front of her was the statue, a chunk of its forehead sheared off. > That piece was what had the holy words written on it, which had given the > golem its life. A tree branch lay next to it, half snapped through. A > little farther beyond was the rat-thing that was the thirteenth Angel. > > She staggered to her feet. Holding her breath, she walked over, picked it > up by what might be technically termed a "neck", and glared at it...though > it is slightly hard to glare when a lingering stench is making your eyes > cross. > > [Um...I'm sorry?] > > "No, you're pathetic." > > *punt* > > Asuka watched the Angel with the remarkably short career it as it flew > far, far away, seemed to hit some sort of threshold, and disappear with a > soft flash of light. > > Enough of that thing.... Ryo: Ah, she is a practicioner of the deadly 'Boot to the Head'. > ------------------------------------------------ > > "Blue pattern gone, sir! Pilot is reviving...Asuka's conscious." Megs: o/" Blue angel, Blue angel, won't you be miiiiiine o/" > "Hallo, Alle...." > > "Asuka? Are you all right?" > > "Was? Wie, bitte? Was ist denn los?" > > "Oh, dear." Ritsuko leaned over to Aoba. "Go get Jakob Schrottstechech-- > *kaff*" Ritsuko paused to recover the pint of spit she had just lost. "Go > get Jakob Schrottstechler...sorry about that." She wiped the other pint of > spit from Aoba's face. > > "That's disgusting." > > "Get Jakob Schr--the German translator. Looks like Asuka's head is a > little scrambled." > > "Aua, das schmerzt doch.... Hat jemand ein bisschen Aspirin? Mein kopf > tut mir weh." Megs: I ever mention that I really dig German chicks? > ------------------------------------------------ > > Shinji sat by Rei's hospital bed. They had said the shock of virtually > feeling her neck snap had put her out, but that she would be okay. Still, > he had been fretting nervously, and was immensely relieved when he saw her > eyes flutter open. > > "Rei-chan...." He took her hand in his. > > "Shinji-kun? Is...." > > "Everything's all right. The Angel's gone. Asuka's okay, if a little out > of it right now. How do you feel?" > > "Just...a little tired. What happened, anyway?" > > "The Angel...remember that thing that kept on asking for directions all > of yesterday?" Rei nodded. "It got into Unit 02...it attacked and...." > Shinji paused, shuddering. "But Asuka managed to stop it and then force it > out. There's not any trace of it, the Magi say. She's going to be okay, > and...so will you, they tell me." He smiled. > > Rei sat up slowly, returning the smile. "I feel better already." She > leaned towards him. He leaned towards her. > > Two rooms down, a diabetic went into seizures. It took a few megadoses > of insulin to get him back to a stable condition. Ryo: Yeah? Pass the insulin, buddy. I'm feelin a bit ill myself. Megs: I'm next! Ryoko: Guys! > ------------------------------------------------ > > "Aw, forget it." > > Kensuke, oblivious to the life and death drama that just finished > playing itself out, had been working for the past two hours on restoring > his savefile, to no avail. It was simply time to give up. > > [aida% mount floppy_] > [aida% cd floppy_] > [aida% rm *_] > [delete all files? y_] > [Hello, is there anyonAAAAAARRGHNONONONONOsqueep_] > [aida% _] > > For some reason, despite losing the file for good, Kensuke felt vaguely > satisfied. Ryo: Thus proving UNIX can save the world. > ************************************************ > > "Heh. Gotta love UNIX." > > The writer nodded. Then, he turned to write something down in a notepad. > > "Goal of the year...get a girlfriend...." Ryo: You too, Megs. Megs: HEY! > *** > To be continued.... > *** Megs: STILL WAITING FOR THAT UNCENSORED SHOWER SCENE, YA PRIG!!! Ryo: Will you QUIT with the shower scene thing??? Megs: NO! ******WHAM****** --------------------------------------------------------------------- -rodM