alhuang@hcs.harvard.edu http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~alhuang/ So, you want a _real_ revengefic from me? Fine! ^_^;; Written January 27, 1997. Legalese: you know it already, right? And now, Oddzilla Productions presents.... "Revenge Number 2" or, "Fine, Have It Your Way--" *...*: sounds --------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------- It was now Monday afternoon. Nothing. Still couldn't get any better ideas. I finally did take that break I was going to yesterday, after Ranma's interruption, and just finished the Tenchi Muyou movie. Not bad, IMHO. But then, I haven't seen too much Tenchi, so I'm not really one to judge. I came up to read the latest messages from the ML. At that point, I was again interrupted by a knock on the door. I opened it. "Shampoo have big problem with story Andrew wrote," a purple-haired female hissed at me. "And what's the idea of getting Ranchan and Akane together, huh!?" "You! You're trying to take Akane-san away from me!? DAMN YOU!!!!" Oh, crap. Even Ryouga was here. Ryouga, the guy who not only got lost trying to find the bathroom, but also got lost _inside_ the damn bathroom, had made it here.... It was time to start panicking. Unfortunately, the only thing that occurred to me to say as they stalked in was, "Shoes! Take off your shoes! You're all Asians, aren't you!?" (You see, two of us three who live in our suite are Asians, myself and Brian Choi. We've got this really nice rug, and we've even managed to force the one Caucasian who lives here too, Shawn Achor, to take off his shoes when we come in. Yeh, it's an Asian thing. *WHAP* Okay! I'll get on with it.) They all paused, then muttered as they removed their shoes. That being done, they once again stomped towards me. "Do not worry, Huang-san. For your gift of giving me Shampoo, I shall protect you!" Wha? Oh, right. Mousse. It was good to have him on my side...provided he kept his glasses on. Which he didn't. Argh. "Mousse, you no interefere." "Step out out of the way, duck-boy. My spatula and Andrew have some things to discuss." Ukyou was going to hurt me. Ucchan!? But-- "Ucc--er, Ukyou, please, you're my favorite character, don't you know that?!" "Small comfort if you're going to take Ranchan away from me! Oh, right. You want to set me up with Ryouga, the lost boy. Some consolation prize!" "Yeah! I mean--hey, what did you mean by that?" "I mean, you jackass, that you're nowhere as great a man as Ranchan!" "You call that half-girl pervert who keeps tormenting Akane-san a MAN!?" "Ahh, what's it to you?" Okay. Good. Leave those two to bicker-- *WHOOSH* "Yaah!" A bonbori passed within two inches of my face. "Mousse! Do something! Please!"' "But--but--I can't hurt Shampoo!" Grr. Well, at least I could use him as a shield, right? I didn't like doing that with one of my favorite male characters from Ranma, but this is my health I'm talking about. Plus, I think he's used to it. I quickly darted behind the blind boy. (Ukyou and Ryouga were still yelling at each other at the moment.) Suddenly, Shampoo's face softened. "Oh, Mousse, you so kind to Andrew...." "Wha--oh, I...uh...well, it's only fair...." "Too bad you no do anything for him!" *splash* "Quack." Dammit. Shouldn't have left the water by the window. "Now, you stay still, while Shampoo hurt you." She grinned at me evilly. *knock knock* Please let it be Ranma, please let it be Ranma, please let it be Ranma, pleasepleaseplease.... Without missing a beat in her argument with Ryouga, Ukyou reached back and opened the door to reveal-- "Shiro! Am I ever glad to see you!" Heh. Tables have been turned.... "Uh, right. Say, what are you guys doing here?" "Shiro! Help me out here! They want to do horrible, unspeakable things to me!!!" Meanwhile, Ukyou was threatening to whack Ryouga on the head with her ueberspatula. "Sorry, Andrew. Remember? Since you're trying to resolve what exactly my abilities are, they don't exist at the moment. Can't do anything for you right now. _Maybe_ if you had gotten it right the first time, I could give you a hand here." With that, he took off his shoes and headed for the bathroom. I'm gonna die.... Shampoo took the opportunity to break up the argument between Ryouga and Ukyou. They turned to face me, each brandishing their weapons. Vaguely, I recalled the morningstar which I kept in my closet. (A morningstar is a medieval weapon--a spiked metal ball attached to a wooden handle by a chain. Yes, I have one. No, I won't tell you why I have one.) Unfortunately, from the looks of things I wasn't going to have the time to get it. Besides, I could never, _ever_ hurt Ucchan.... Damn, this was a bad time to have respect for anime characters to jump in. "We..." "Are going..." "To get..." "YOU!!" "Quack." Dammit, Mousse.... Broken arms, crushed ribs, fractured skull, bruised kidneys...ech. I idly wondered if I could break through the window and start running. *ZAP* "What!?" "Ah, good, you made it here safely." "Here" was a white room with a table in it. A monitor stood on it. The voice belonged to.... "Nabiki!?" She had a...calculating look in her eyes. Oh, great. "Well, Huang-chan, I'd like to make a deal with you." I winced. I could understand why Kunou got annoyed.... "Waitwaitwait! First, explain to me what's going on?" "Oh, why, certainly. After Ranma got back yesterday, after sneaking off after you without telling the rest of us, I managed to...recover the thing that he had used to get to your dorm." She held up a small...eh, I don't know what it was. "For a fee, I let Ukyou, Ryouga, and Shampoo through. Mousse got lucky and managed to go as well. However, I do believe he's been neutralized. Would that be correct?" I nodded. "So...what's the deal?" I swallowed. "Ah, Andrew, Andrew...you go to Harvard University, is that not true?" I nodded. "One of the most expensive schools in the whole United States." Another nod. "It's just amazing how much money flows around there...." I cut her off. "Nabiki, do you have any idea how much financial aid I'm on? If you're trying to turn a profit here, you're out of luck." She sighed. "Oh, pity. And I had just the...information that you could have used to get those three off your back." She reached to press a button on the device. "WAIT! WAIT! What...uh, what about that rewrite of 'Visiting Nerima' that I was going to do? Surely, you owe me for that?" Nabiki shrugged. "You were going to do that anyways." "But if they kill me like they want to, I'll never get around to it! Come on, do you really want to be going all syrupy over Takeshi?" Hey, it was worth a try.... "All syrupy over _you_, you mean. Right, otaku?" I grimaced. Damn. "I told you, I'm going to try to change it, okay!?" "Well..." I pulled out my wallet and extracted a twenty. "Here, take this, too. I can get you a fifty that I have in my room, plus I do have some more money in the bank. Okay?!" She waited a little longer, then nodded. "Very well, then. Tell you what--I'll go and talk to them, then bring you back after it's all taken care of. Then we can discuss your bank accounts." I gulped. Well, I guess it was the best thing I could hope for. I agreed. She tapped a few buttons on the device, and vanished. Now, I had to wait a little longer.... Five minutes later, she returned. "Okay, 'Takeshi-kun'. They've promised that they won't kill you." I breathed a sigh of relief. "What about any curses or anything? Jusenkyou stuff?" "No, they won't pull that either. I must agree, that's a rather hackneyed idea, isn't it? But don't get too happy. I was, unfortunately, unable to get them to not take any revenge at all." Uh.... "They're going to dump you into the Charles River. Much more imaginative, wouldn't you say? See you later!" *ZAP* ============================= A word of explanation about the Charles River: it is the river which separates Boston from Cambridge. It is also one of the most polluted, infected, filthy waterways on the East Coast of the United States. How bad is it? Well, if you're on one of the sailing/crew teams for Harvard, you are _required_ to go to University Health Services just for getting your legs wet in it (say, for pushing a beached scull off the shore or something). It feeds into Boston Harbor...you know, that one. George Bush, in one of the debates against Michael Dukakis in the 1988 presidential races, made a crack that Dukakis's statement was "about as clear as Boston Harbor". It's that bad. Really. Don't forget, this is also wintertime here, in the Northern Hemisphere. ============================= I don't know if I can take it anymore. The doctor tells me I'll be on solid food in about a week. Not like I could keep it down, of course. Hell, the soda I'm drinking comes right back up. Plus, right now, I'm missing classes. Bad, bad, bad. Worst of all, I can't get to my computer. I hate hospitals.... "Mr. Huang? Here's some mail from your bank. They insisted that you get it now." I turn pale. I had forgotten about that.... Overdrawn? By $1000? How the Hell...I guess you shouldn't ask when Nabiki and money are concerned. My parents are going to kill me. "I think I could have taken a Jusenkyou curse much better than all of this." "Oh, do you speak this truly?" Kunou? And why does he have that bucket-- *splash* "Well, now, _cur_, what have you to say?" "Arf." Aww, $#!+. --------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------- There! Are you guys happy now!? Vocabulary note: cur means dog. :P