The Freshman
F.A.Q.

As a service to the class of 2002, Demon would like to offer answers to a few Frequently Asked Questions. In the interest of privacy, some names have been changed to "Q" and "A."


Q. People keep asking me where I go to school. I feel like I'm bragging if I answer, "Harvard." What should I say?
A. This is a common problem faced by all of us. Over the yeas, Harvard students have developed a strategy which we will demonstrate with a sample dialogue:

Layman: Where do you go to school?
Student: In the Boston area.
Layman: Oh.
Student: It's actually in Cambridge.
Layman: Oh, Okay.
Student: I go to Harvard, okay! Is that such a big deal?
(Layman runs away)

Q. I'm not sure what math class to take. The placement test results recommend Math 25, but I've already taken the equivalent of all the grad courses and have published several research papers.
A. Go to hell, nerdboy.

Q. I've heard that freshman are invited to become members of finals clubs by receiving invitations called "punches." How do I get "punched" by a finals club member?
A. Here is a proven, five-step method:

1. Wait until a finals club throws a party.
2. Enter finals club.
3. Approach nearest football player.
4. State that you are a pre-frosh, football recruit and then tell the finals club member that he looks like an "androgynous mother-fucker."
5. Await "punch."

Q. I can't decide whether to be pre-med, pre-law, or just jump right into consulting.
A. Dean Lewis, why don't you take this one.
Harry: No problem. Always striving for diversity, I feel that our student body's diverse needs are best served by complete randomization. Therefore, starting this year we will encourage the freshmen to spend their year finding classmates with similar interests, and forming a "concentration block." Later, each block will sumbit its top four choices. My staff, in turn, will ignore this information and assign each freshman a random concentration. On a final note, I alone control PBH.

Q. Can I triple major in Economics, Sanskrit, and Women's Studies, while cross-registering at MIT for independent study in Astrophysics?
A. We don't "major," we "concentrate."



indexindexarchivesindexarchives../../../misc/archives