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Destroy The Smurfs
THE MANIFESTO
Today's harsh economic environment necessitates the destruction of all Smurfs. Since the recent oil crisis in the Far East, thousands of ninja warriors have devoted their lives to this cause. Now its your turn. Come, aid us in our holy mission to destroy those little blue bastards--you'll be glad you did.
Those purveyors of smut and liberal ways have invaded the airwaves on the U.S.A. Cartoon Express for nearly 20 years. We must halt this foul practice before more of this nation's youth have been indoctrinated. Since 1969, drugs, sex, and violence have become an integral part of American life. Just look at the facts: Their strange addiction to "smurfberries"--an obviously illicit drug; one smurfette, one papa Smurf; thousands of Smurfs roaming around freely the Smurf village--topless. Is that the kind of filth we should let our children see on T.V.?!?
Even more shocking--Smurfs are blue! We all know what the complementary color of blue is, don't we? Those little communistic bastards! They think they can fool us by appearing to be blue, but America really knows that if it looks blue, it's red.
It's time to stop being mocked by those blue, or shall I say red, little bags of puke; its time to take the matter into our own hands. Gargamel was a wise man, but just boiling Smurfs doesn't go far enough--we must teach them a lesson the whole world will never forget. |