Shortly after the great scientist's death, a diary was found in the attic of his home. These pages contained Dr. Dolittle's greatest secrets. Published for the first time, these entries reveal the untold stories behind the man who could talk to the animals.

November 17, 1824: I have finally discovered how to get animals to talk, but the simplicity of the technique is startling. As soon as I threaten them with raping their mothers, they start talking immediately. Little do they know that I wouldn't go near anyone but the horse.

January 15, 1825: The cat finally opened her mouth this morning. She said, "I like chicken, I like liver, meow mix, meow mix, please deliver." I could not decipher that, so I probed her anus.

March 3, 1825: Big news! The camel can speak. Translated from the Arabic, he said, "Please be careful with that dangerous-looking straw. It could break my back, you know."

April 1, 1825: I have been tricked! The fish weren't really talking; it was just the cat playing a joke on me. Fish don't say, "Take me out of the tank so I can get some air. Just leave me in Sheba's food dish."

June 23, 1825: Rabbits are meaner than I thought. After listening to hours of insults hurled at me, I cooked up Lucky for dinner. He tasted like chicken.

August 31, 1825: I found a tape recorder behind the cat litter today, with a tape in it labeled "Talking dog." It seems that animals do not really talk; it was all a hoax carefully constructed by the cat. The scientific journals will have a field day with this one.