Harvard Professors Present...
Harvey Mansfield: 4004 B.C. (October): Universe created. Mankind is perfect. 4004 B.C. (November): Eve eats forbidden fruit, leading to all evils in the world today, including affirmative action, the welfare state, and homosexuality. Helen Vendler: 1637: John Milton writes "Lycidas." 1638 to present: Other people write poems using the English language, some of which are really quite good, but none of which is nearly as good as "Lycidas." Neil Rudenstine: 1636: The 1637: greatest 1638: academic 1639: institution 1724: intheworldtoday 1834: celebrates 1835: its 1836: two 1902: no, 1936: three 1999: hundredth birthd--hey, where am I? It's dark and I'm cold. Stephen Jay Gould: 20,000,000,000 B.C. to 4,000,000,001 B.C.: Not much happened. 4,000,000,000 B.C.: Various inorganic substances combine to produce self-replicating molecules; these molecules acquire a protective membrane and become the first cells. 3,999,999,999 B.C. to 100,000,001 B.C.: Not much happened. 100,000,000 B.C.: Multicellular organisms develop, invade land; reptiles become Earth's dominant life form, then go extinct. 99,999,999 B.C. to 1941: Not much happened. 1941: Stephen Jay Gould born. 1941 to present: Not much happened. Howard Georgi: First microsecond: Subnuclear particles exist in a free state as a quark-gluon plasma. Second microsecond: Then the quark-gluon plasma undergoes a phase transition and becomes confined to protons and neutrons. First microsecond: Ha ha! That's a good one! Did I ever tell you the one about the Higgs vector boson? Second microsecond: Yes! Isn't that one great? I have convulsive fits of laughter just thinking about it! First microsecond: (Falls of chair laughing.) Third microsecond to present: Hey, are we going to get to happen, or what? |
