Purple Valley 2005

Saturday morning my alarm went off at 5:35, and I was worried. Walking over Kirkland to meet, all I could think about was how the 
miserable weather, small field, and playing on turf could easily make this a very not-fun weekend. I was also worried that Purple Valley 
wouldn't live up to the awesomeness of the year before. But I was wrong - Purple Valley never disappoints.


We piled into the cars and drove the three or so hours to Williamstown. A first round bye meant that we started at 10:30. 
Our pool included regional rivals Dartmouth and Williams as well as Middlebury. Our first game of the day was against Dartmouth, who had 
just beaten Williams on universe point, during which someone advised Dan Yi not to get layout blocked. They were missing Seigs but had 
Nate Raines and "eight high-level club players." It's raining ridiculously at the start of our game but the wind wasn't too bad, and we 
trade a few before getting a break and taking half 7-5. We start strong out of the half and the hard cap goes off when it's about 11-7 and
they rattle off a few and start to surge back a little, but we close it out, 12-10. Word is that Coach Josh McCarthy won a burrito on 
this game, possibly with insider information.


After a bye during which we all get a chance to start freezing and listen to some Fallout Boy and listen to some funny things that New 
Mike has to say, the wind and rain pick up a little in time for the Williams game. By playing stifling D and always being on their backs, 
we force them into a lot of drops and bad throws, and we capitalize on their mistakes to take half 7-1. They score a few after half but 
never really get back in it and it ends at something like 13-6. The sun comes out for a couple minutes at the end of this game before 
going away again, but it was slightly more pleasant.


Another bye with howling wind gives us time to mentally prep for the game against Middlebury - those Pranksters. Wanting to take care of 
business and go into the second day undefeated in pool play, we come out very strong and take half 7-2 on the back of great man D. We 
continue rolling through the second half as we bust out our secret offensive weapon, Phil Marsh. Mr. Marsh wins MVP of this game with a 
credited D on the mark and the first successful father-to-son score in HMF history.


Phil Roebuck leaves us for his family and girlfriend for the hot tub at the spa, and Teddy goes off with his ex-girlfriend (whose butt is 
looking a lot fitter) to do some irresponsible cuddling. The rest of us catch a dinner of sandwiches near the fields and Jack has some of 
his patented 4:1 carb:protein ratio recharge drink, and some of us head over to the vastly superior Pappa Charlie's for more sandwiches 
and shakes. Showering and costume-making gets us ready for the Alice in Wonderland themed party. We also hear rumors about the "Queer 
Bash" and decide we might want to make an appearance there later. Lipson regrets winning the rosham for our host and pussies out on his 
obligations.


A Mad Hatter (New Mike), caterpillar (Jack), non-drunk dormouse (Adam), and a whole bunch of playing cards headed over to the party. It 
was much smaller than anticipated because of the reduced field, and for better or for worse both the Yale and Tufts women's teams were not
present. The Williams guys expressed a lot of desire to set Will and Jack up with their freshman girls, and at one point New Will could 
be seen grinding with some white girls. About five minutes after walking in, some random hot girl comes up to New Mike and plays the "hat
game" with him - he loses his awesome Mad Hatter hat, though gets it back from another guy about a minute later (not through the hat 
game). After our five man boatracing line of me, Niall (solid pickup), Lipson, Will, and Jack take down the Wellesley women, New Mike 
continues his rampage by playing the hat game with four of them. We crush Brown in another boatrace by about a cup and a half and 
narrowly lose to Dartmouth when their last guy starts early.


Things are kind of slowing down here so we head back to our place to change before going to the Queer Bash. It's basically exactly what it
sounds like - upon walking in, we were confronted by a couple hundred people dancing, numerous guys dressed as girls, and gay porn and 
Britney Spears videos displayed on a huge projection screen (I just lost the game). After a few minutes, New Mike has seen enough and ends
the night on a good note; Jack, Lipson, Tiger, Niall, and I grind with random Williams girls; and Will starts talking up what would 
probably be the best-endowed Asian girl I've ever seen. Good and never-to-be-spoken-of-again times were had by all before deciding to 
leave. We couldn't find Niall (though we admittedly didn't try too hard) and left, though he met up with us after having apparently 
disappeared to some girl's room for about a half hour.


Winning our pool brought us immediately into the semis, meaning we didn't have to play until 12:30 the next day. So we slept in and had 
some Pappa Charlie's for breakfast. Phil met up with us at the field, and I was the only one who successfully bet the under on Teddy's 
anticipated arrival time (12:10).


So we start our semifinal game against the Amherst/alums just as the wind gods start getting riled up. Missing a few club players, Amherst
starts out with a tight zone which forces us into a turn, leading to an early break. They pick up another one, and we're down about 4-2 
before we pick up the intensity. We get our breaks back and tie it at 6-6 before taking half at 7-6. We pick up another break after half 
and build up to an 12-7 lead when the hard cap goes on. At that point we just started rushing things, and their clamped-down zone combined
with our hastiness results in a lot of turns, and they make it 12-12 - univers(al) point. A throwaway gives them the disc, and they work 
it to about 10 yards shy of the goal line before Tiger comes up with a huge layout D block. We march downfield and finally punch it in, 
allowing our hearts to start beating again. We're in the finals for a rematch of last year, Harvard-Brown.


Neither Brown nor the pouring rain scare us, and with our armour on, we are motivated as hell to play this game (to a predetermined cap to
11, given the weather). We receive then trade a couple of points before they go up a break on us, and it's 3-2 them. After trading a 
couple more, we storm ahead and take half 6-4.


Trying to stop the Redline now would be like jumping in front of the T. Our clam confuses them and forces them into many unwise hucks, and
we punch in D point after D point. At 10-4 we get the goal line jitters and turn it a few times before a Will Chen hammer finds its way 
into the arms of Aaron/Phil (strip?). We are the Purple Valley champions, and we have just beaten Brown for the first time in the last 
three years. I am damn excited to be here.


Once again, Purple Valley surpassed expectations. We have a lot to look forward to for the rest of the season, and we know we can take 
down anyone in the region.


-old skoren


"New Mike lives by no man's rules."