Rabbi John Seitz has flown in from good ole Colorado to give us weekly lessons on the torah. Barmitvahs and Manischevitz—that's what he's taught us this far. A student at the divinity school and therefore closer to God than any of us, our Rabbi has ultimate powers beyond most atheists/agnostics or semi-devout players: he'll levitate above you and snatch the disc on D and then burn you deep and grab the disc on O for the score.

And to top it off, he still has another year left . . . no amount of praying will help.