Sights and Sounds
Dartmouth 1972 - Drillmaster S. Seicol
ANN: Ladies and Gentlemen, the HU Bienniel Biodegradable Band!
(First measure of H's from sidelines, then stop; bang to Paramecium.)
ANN: This afternoon the Band once again interrupts its normal halftime routine to take a look at life among the lower classes. Join with us as we peer into this often overlooked culture and discover the drama of an old fashioned love story, entitled "The Age of Protists."(By now half the Band is a paramecium on the right side of the field.)
ANN: Here we see Peter the Young Paramecium.
(Peter plays the theme from "Peter and the Wolf.")
ANN: Poor Peter was lonely and neglected. He passed the time by sitting in his petri dish and flagellating. Rarely did he venture from his cell. His whole life seemed to be a vacuole.
(Play "I've Got Plenty of Nothing." Bang - AMY forms on the left side.)
ANN: One day, as Peter sat contemplating his oral groove, into his dish happened Amy the Amoeba.
(Amy plays "Once In Love with Amy.")
ANN: She was a lovely creature with round curving pseudopodia.
(Wolf whistle from Peter.)
ANN: For Peter..... (Play Peter's Theme)
ANN: And Amy..... (Play Amy's Theme)
ANN: It was a glorious moment when they met.
(Drift together on "Zarathustra" and touch on climax in music. Bang to Star and Cross.)
ANN: When they first touched, they felt cilia, there among the other phagocytes. For their love could never be - they were of two different cultures.
("Havah Nagillah" once through then "Onward, Christian Soldiers." They join in form two more times.)
ANN: It was true that they were star crossed lovers.
(Diffuse back to Amy and Peter.)
ANN: So it was that when Peter asked Amy to conjugate, all she could do was decline.
(Trombones glissando from an F down.)
ANN: Suddenly Peter observed that his culture was basic and Amy's was acidic.
ANN: Proper pH would change the whole complexion of their relationship. This was the answer.
(Whole Band plays "Hallelujah Chorus.")
ANN: And so they escaped to another petri dish where Peter allowed himself to be slightly debased, and indeed they had settled on the perfect solution.
(Come together and form a giant blob.)
ANN: From that day on, Peter... (Play Peter's Theme) and Amy... (Play Amy's Theme) lived happily ever after and continued to have organism after organism.
(Play a final chord while small blobs shoot from the large one.)