Sights and Sounds

Brown 2007 - Drillmaster Matthew Fasman


ANN: Ladies and gentlemen, the Harvard University "Live from Soldier's Field, it's Saturday Night" Band!

(Band out to OD, bangs to H)

We're sorry to interrupt your regularly scheduled studying plans, but we figured that holding the game after the libraries closed was the only way to make Harvard students leave their rooms and have some fun. Besides, you can still study here in the stadium; the lights are at least as bright as those in Lamont.

(Band plays 'Soldiers', off to 10,000.)


ANN: Ladies and gentlemen, the Harvard University "What can Brown do for you?" Band!

(Band runs out to IQ)

Some schools have always prided themselves on being forward-thinking and non-traditional. These colleges have abandoned required classes and also grades; now, casting off all pretense, they have gotten rid of learning itself.

(Band bangs to downward graph, which slowly unfurls during following.)

A recent US News and World Report study shows that Brown students actually know less when they graduate than when they arrived. Seriously. We'd explain the math, but they'd probably forget it anyway.

(Band plays 'Fortunate Son' and bangs to ABC)

Perhaps one cause of this negative learning is that students at these earth-toned ivies can major in anything, from "The Alphabet" to "Shapes and Colors." This year they will even be able to graduate - with honors - in the new field of "Team Spirit."

(Band bangs to UPS)

To encourage more students to attend games, Brown's athletic department has created Brown Nation, a rewards program for sporting events. Students earn points by attending games and wearing body paint. Five points get a hat, ten points get a T shirt, and 400 points get something they all hope for: a job.

(Band plays 'Don't Stop Believing' and bangs to Sun Symbol)

In response to Brown Nation, Harvard has decided to buy its own nation, spending some of its 35 billion dollars to purchase a small country just for itself.

(Band bangs to Moon Symbol)

In Harvard Nation, the streets are paved with gold, everyone owns an investment bank, and the sun is always shining - except when we turn it off for night games.

(Band plays 'Walking on Sunshine.' Off to 10,000.)

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