(As the scene opens, the SHMYRULIAN OFFICIAL is knocking on an (imaginary) door.)

OFFICIAL.  Yo!  Open up!  Hello?  Come to the door!  Where are you?  We need you for a mission of immeasurable importance to Shmyrule!  The entirety of the kingdom may be in jeopardy!  Argh!  Is he even home?

(NAVI enters.)

NAVI.  Hey!  Listen!

OFFICIAL.  Oh, not you.  Look, there are terrible things going on in Shmyrule Field, and I don't have time to scroll through your banter.

NAVI.  Oh, fine.  Are you looking for Knot?

OFFICIAL.  Who?

NAVI.  That's what he's been calling himself ever since we realized his real name is probably copyrighted.

OFFICIAL.  Uh, yes.

NAVI.  Why?

OFFICIAL.  Well, as you know, at the heart of Shmyrule Field lies the Grove of the Ancients, where we grow all of our fruit.

NAVI.  Uh huh.

OFFICIAL.  And at the center of the Grove lies the Temple of the Ancients.

NAVI.  And at the center of the Temple...

OFFICIAL.  Actually there's nothing there but a concession stand and a gift shop.  Oh, and we have this weird convention there every year.  All of the really important stuff is in the basement.

NAVI.  Lame.

OFFICIAL.  (exasperated)  Anyway.  It is said that long ago, deep within the Temple, Shmyrule's Seven Families sealed the evil Bananondorf in the magic Freezer of the Ages, and then hid the Freezer away for the safety of all.

NAVI.  Hey!  Listen!

OFFICIAL.  What?

NAVI.  Oh, nothing.  I, uh, just have this condition.

OFFICIAL.  Look, I don't have time for this.  We have evidence that Bananondorf is breaking free of the Freezer!  He's already begun to corrupt the Food Pyramid with his dark powers!  We need L-- we need our greatest adventurer to open the Freezer and defeat Bananondorf once and for all!

NAVI.  Look, I don't know who you are, but I've been all over the Temple of the Ancients and I've never seen a freezer.

OFFICIAL.  That's because the Ancients hid it.  They knew only those who possessed a great artifact-- and the knowledge to use it-- would be able to open the Freezer and defeat Bananondorf.  Behold!  The Ocarina of Lime!

NAVI.  Groan.

OFFICIAL.  What?

NAVI.  Nothing.

OFFICIAL.  Will you listen?  The Ancients left clues as to the proper use of the Ocarina hidden deep within fortresses around the land.  Over the years we've collected all of these clues, but we haven't been able to decipher them.  We also know that each clue was to be combined with one of the Ancient Families' crests, which are on the walls of the Temple.  However, the walls have been worn by time, and we can no longer determine which clue is associated with which crest.

NAVI.  But why did the Ancients hide the Freezer?  It seems like your gift shop would make more money if you could sell little novelty magnets or something.

OFFICIAL.  Well, it is said in the ancient scrolls that only those who learn to use the Ocarina of Lime will be able to open the Freezer and defeat Bananondorf.  Knowing this, the Families hid away the Freezer in such a way that it could only be revealed by those who were already studying the mysteries of the Ocarina.  Dedicated scholars will discover the Word of Understanding in the course of their studies, which they can speak aloud in the Grove to reveal the Freezer.

NAVI.  And you haven't managed to decipher even a single one of these clues that are supposed to teach you to use the Ocarina.

OFFICIAL.  Not yet.  Plus, we've also been finding other mysterious documents in the Grove.  We think they're related to the Freezer, but we can't know for sure while it's hidden.

NAVI.  And the whole point of this is to open this Freezer.  The same one that Bananondorf is trying to break out of.

OFFICIAL.  It's the only plan we could think of.

NAVI.  Boy, you guys are screwed.

OFFICIAL.  Well, do you have a better idea?  So far our only lead is this old guy who wants to buy masks from us.

NAVI.  Hm.  (thinks)  Oh, hey, listen...

OFFICIAL.  (hopeful)  What?

NAVI.  Nothing.  Remember, condition?  Try to be a little sensitive.

OFFICIAL.  Argh!  Look, is the pipsqueak here or not?

NAVI.  What, him?  He's been on vacation since Tuesday.  G'bye!

OFFICIAL.  Well, this is a fine barrel of apples.  It's not like a band of adventurers with an aptitude for puzzle solving and a free afternoon are just going to show up in the Temple of the Ancients.  I might as well hand in my resignation right now.  Maybe those plumber guys are hiring.