Category: Meeting Minutes

After a truly breathtaking introduction from yours truly, the good people of SPS are speechless, leaving us to begin the

SPS Research Roundtable 2013

REUs, or Research Experiences for Undergraduates – refers to the NSF “brand name”
Can search for REUs by location, type, etc, at the NSF website
All over the United States
Being from Harvard might help, but might not. Different REUs will accept based on different criteria.
Pay – $3000 to $4000 in addition to housing and food. Usually about 8-10 weeks, starting in early-mid June
Apply to 5-10, and have a backup – study abroad (not even necessarily research!), and in the end Harvard should be your final backup.
International “REU” program in Germany – Ruhr Fellowship and RISE – Research Internships in Science and Engineering
and Israel – Weizmann Institute (CS, math, physics)
Unfortunately Ruhr, RISE, and Weizmann deadlines have passed. Try next year!
Also nanotech (in the US) in some places
Also Doyle does Japan
International programs want to hear that you’re not going to go wild, like a certain member of the round table.
Harvard – can get around $4000 (but that money needs to go to housing and food as well). They’ll probably want to you work at least 6 or 8 weeks so you can get into your project.
Nikko “Prompt Service” Pomata ’13
SPS Secretary and/or Treasurer
Paraphrased or anonymous -DJM

Society of Physics Students
Meeting Minutes for January 11, 2001
Adams House Small Dining Room

Present: Dave Freeman, Zack Subin, Andrew Goldstone, Brian White,
Jenny Pegg, Philip “Pre-Med” Zeyliger, Tamara Mittman, Nilah
Monnier, Bill Zaientz, Christina Mulligan, Scott Worsley, Tad
Warshaw, Alexey Gorshkov.
Late Arrivals: Andy Cotton, Ruth Murray, Ben Krefetz.

-2. A quorum was reached.

-1. The meeting endorsed the Taylor series.

0. The meeting was called to order.

1. Christina proposed an experiment. Her proposition involved
throwing a party with O’Douls (i.e. nonalcoholic beer) replacing
the alcohol normally present, and not telling the attendees of that
party, in order to test the so-called “placebo effect” in a more
entertaining manner.

2. Can Zack make a hypothesis?

3. “If people come to a party expecting to behave in one way, and
it is socially acceptable to behave that way, than in future
situations it would seem logical for them to behave in that manner,
insofar as their previous experience has prepared them, although
it is important to note…”

4. The answer to (2) was shown to be “yes”.

5. Jenny’s mutant white carrot was discussed.
5a. Show and Tell time ensued.
6. The bashing of Lisa for being in New Orleans rather than at
SPS was discussed.

(n.b. lisa’s thoughts were with sps despite her non-presence. She
discussed sps with some visitors to her research poster at the
conference in new orleans. Some of them had even been to the sps website.)

7. SPS unofficially endorsed the Celtic orgy.

8. Scott’s impressive ice bifurcation stunt was discussed.

9. Scott agreed to chiding Scott for bad puns.

10. <empty set>

11. Christina declared herself Queen of SPS.

12. Phil was declared Court Jester.

13. Jenny was declared Head Chamberlain.

14. The optimal table shape for an SPS meeting was discussed.
Mathematical modeling may follow.

15. Tamara said a “formal adieu”.

16. The existence of Harpaul was questioned.

17. [gratuitously stricken]

18. Following from 16, the Quad, as Harpaul’s residence, was also
found not to exist.

19. The limit of the distance to the Quad goes to infinity as
Harpaul ceases to exist.

20. Ben took the name of Harpaul in vain.

21. If Harpaul did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

22. Christina announced that she was no longer wearing shoes.

23. Phil objected that he’s not in the minutes enough.

24. Phil said, “Don’t hit me because I’m beautiful”, in a shameless
ploy to get into the minutes.

25. Christina stole the minutes.
25a. Genevieve reclaimed the minutes.

26. It was noted how truly “quality” this meeting was, despite
Lisa’s non-attendance.

(n.b. thanks. )

27.34823 Phil attempted to sabotage the minutes, in a shameless
ploy to get into the minutes.

29. Lack of observation made the meeting dissolve into indeterminacy
and chaos.

Society of Physics Students
Meeting Minutes for January 4, 2001
Adams House Small Dining Room

1. Present: Genevieve Reynolds, Zack Subin, Craig Hetherington, John
Lee, Poom Siraprapasira, Brian White, Bryan Parno, Scott “Brian”
Worsley, Andy Cotton, Phil Zeyliger, Bill Zaientz, Dave Freeman,
Lisa Powell, Mike Develin, Tad Warshall, ben Lauderdale, Alexey
Gorschkov, Ari Behar (tardy).

1.a. Craig made Lisa proud.

2. Let it be noted that SPS had A KEG at this meeting. Those present
partook in much joy and ebullient debauchery.

3. Zack determined that the earth is “in violation of classical

4. Genevieve complained about people forgetting her name.

5. Scott, in reference to the large metal barrel (heretofore and
henceforth, the “keg”) enthroned upon the center of the table,
yelped, “Whoa! I missed that!”

6. Differences of opinion were elucidated. Genevieve: “Guinness
tastes like earwax!” Zack: “Guinness is _so_ good!”

7. Mike made Andy an offer he couldn’t refuse.

8. Lisa’s legitimacy as a Lisa was challenged. Disorder ensued,
but Lisa reasserted her Lisa-ness, to the admiration of the crowd.

9. At 6:33, her Lisa-ness Lisa called the meeting to order.

10. It was realized that Lisa was surrounded by 14 guys and a keg.
It was noted that more girls/women should come to our meetings,
in order to take advantage of the inherent hedonism of gatherings
of physics students. It was noted that MEL should take more of an
interest in our meetings.

11. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: Craig was commended for bringing the keg.

12. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: Free dinners in exchange for participation
in a forum on diversity in science and technology were announced.
Scott and Craig were nominated to represent SPS at this forum. In
keeping with the grand SPS tradition of not voting for candidates
for positions, both Scott and Craig shall attend.

13. It was noted that “the ratio” was now 1:9.

14. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: Elections for next semester and year’s SPS
officers will take place soon. If you are interested, consider
emailing the current officers. They will set you straight.

15. Gen motioned that we challenge the Canadian Club to Ultimate
Frisbee. Mike seconded.

16. It was reported that Harpaul had explored the possibility of
Math 25-vs-SPS capture-the-flag game.

17. Scott used Zack as an intermediary. Scott acknowledged that
“Craig is a bold man and he does not need an intermediary.”

18. [omitted]

19. [omitted]

20. The literal and existential meanings of Primal Scream were
discussed. It was concluded that the point is to run in front of
John Harvard with thousands of people cheering.

21. The SPS snowball fight was brought up.

22. Zack realized that he knows something about algebra. Scott
had a revelation.

23. The meeting bifurcated.

24. Raves were wistfully discussed.

25. Gen, in a trait consistent with earlier statements involving
housewifery, does know how to cook.

26. Cooking shows were endorsed. Emeril, Yan Can Cook, and The
Iron Chef received exceptional praise.

September 30, 1999
Coolidge Room, Lowell House.

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:10. Present for at least some part of the meeting were Liam McAllister, Mike Develin, Ben Krefetz, Zachary Subin, Darren Ragozzine, Jamie Lee (from Holworthy East), Jose Sandoval (disenfranchised), Aaron Parsons, Chris Laumann (with overwaxed apple), Brad Kittenbrink, Eleanore Chadderdon, Dave Freeman, Nate Greenblatt, Lisa Powell, Sara Hashmi, Paul Dieffenbach, Harpaul Kohli, Tad Warshall, Igor Teper, and Joydip Kundu.

2. The meeting got off on a rather high note with the introduction of all of those present. Liam and Mike gave a short schpiel about what SPS does. Mike made an ardent plea for Cool Physics speakers.

3. The meeting quickly degenerated.

4. Mike leveled totally false accusations at Lisa concerning the buddy system’s restraining order against him. Harpaul dutifully voiced his grievances thereof. In reality, however, anyone can be a buddy! If you haven’t already emailed Lisa, you should do so at once.

5. The Macintosh Quack was discussed. It was concluded that it emanates from a tutor in Adams House named Dave.

6. A certain Quincian (formerly Quadling) present noted that a certain professor with dual citizenship was a “surprisingly good” teacher. This met with mixed reactions.

7. After Mike encouraged wide-open, hotly-contested mud-slinging elections for SPS posts, Harpaul declared his candidacy for SPS penguin, surprising no one. The polar bear in the Coca-Cola commercial was also nominated.

8. Harpaul noted that some cores are bad. Pressed further, he could not come up with any. He did, however, note that he was taking an excellent class by the name of “Lives Ruined by Literature,” leading to many snickers.

9. James Watson was discussed.

10. Jose’s band, an eternal topic of SPS meetings, once again elbowed its way through a mass of competing topics to the forefront. He promised to bring a CD to the next meeting so that we could gather some empirical evidence about the heretofore elusive organism.

11. Harpaul launched a lengthy one-breath diatribe about the squeaking doors in the Science Center lecture halls. The freshmen, unfamiliar with this ongoing lecture series, were visibly shaken, but also stirred to action.

12. Half of the first-year contingent left.

13. Igor regaled the crowd with a devilishly humorous anecdote about how he attempted to run down Stephen Hawking. Fortunately for the physics community, he failed.

14. Noam Elkies and Kalle Karu, professors of Math 55 and 25 respectively, were discussed. No conclusion was reached.

15. Harpaul’s excuse for leaving: “Someone’s coming from the prison. We have to make a big show about it.” Since this is only funny if you were there, you should come to the next meeting.

16. The efficacy of using members of the Physics Department as erasers was determined to be nil.

17. The meeting was adjourned at 7:12. The freshmen generally dispersed to other extracurricular activities. The upperclassmen, far more jaded, cynical, and lazy, retired to their respective dens.

October 7, 1999
Coolidge Room

1. Around 6:18, it was remarked that the meeting had yet to be called to order. So Liam called it to order, and he saw that it was good.

2. Present around the absurdly long and unwieldy table at one point or another were Ben Krefetz, Sara Hashmi, Andy Cotton, Jim Griffin, Liam and Tara McAllister, Nate Greenblatt, Lisa Powell, Adrienne Shapiro, Mike Develin, Darin Ragozzine, Wei Ho (who@fas), Joon Pahk, Eleanore Chadderdon, Jose Sandoval, Paul Lujan, Harpaul Kohli, M. Ari Behar, William Wise. This list most likely contains several egregious omissions, for which the secretary would like to apologize, but as was mentioned earlier, the table was ridiculously unwieldy for these purposes.

3. Lisa bounced to business: Physics buddy signup! Get your physics buddies!

4. Lisa informed Adrienne that she could be a sketchy buddy to a sketchy freshman.

5. It was almost unanimously resolved that the Game Room would be infinitely more appropriate to SPS purposes than the Coolidge Room, and it was resolved that measures would be taken to gain entry to said Game Room. 7. Harpaul materialized after a vast stretch of time since his first appearance in the Coolidge Room.

8. Mike accused Harpaul of being the stupid person in the police log, then fled the room in a fit of giggles.

9. Harpaul reportedly invaded Hurlbut and was found sleeping on an astonished freshman’s couch.

10. Joon stormed out to get root beer.

11. The propriety of mentioning Stephen Hawking during the Physics Department puppet show was debated.

12. Mike confounded many with his reversal of LIFO and FIFO.

13. Jose procured for the listening pleasure of SPS a copies of his band’s demo and live CDs. He is currently looking for a drummer; those interested should respond to jsandova@fas

14. The calculus of variations was dubbed “Krazy Kalculus”

15+ Many more interesting statments and occurrences escaped the eyes and ears of the secretary due to the unfortunate conformation of the room, which rendered her completely unable to observe anything at the far end of the table. Complaints and queries should not be sent, as they will be ignored.

Coolidge Room, Lowell House
October 14, 1999

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:02 by Liam. Present was Liam McAllister.

2. Later arrivals included Eleanore Chadderdon, Emily Lin, Adrienne Shapiro, Mike Develin, Nate Greenblatt, Ben Krefetz, Paul Dieffenbach, Matt Thrasher, Ari Behar, Harpaul Kohli, Lisa Powell, Ben Dreyfus, and Sammy Klein.

3. Emily asked Liam what his sister’s last name was, prompting laughter from the masses.

4. An audible groan was emitted as an Undesirable Event occurred. Mike burst out laughing.

5. Joydip Kundu was exalted and crucified in rapid alternation.

6. A discussion broke out at one end of the table about the break dancing scene at Harvard. Matt noted that it is in fact, alive and well. It was remarked that Oklahoma had a plurality of those present. With much less surprise, it was also noted that Massachusetts had a similar plurality.

7. Nate insulted Mike’s people.

8. Fistulated cows were discussed, in the context of the Pennsylvania Dutch. New York, Minnesota, and Wisconsin proceeded to have an all-out war over dairic supremacy. Like in all wars, there were no winners, only losers.

9. The taste of certain religious traditions was discussed.

10. A rather personal battle with an external tyrant was alluded to.

11. Harpaul recounted the story of Quito vs. the Volcano, starring Tom Hanks. No one was sure whether laughing would be insensitive or blasphemous, so a few nervous giggles comprised the only reaction.

12. Adrienne sneezed up a carrot.

13. Harpaul asked when the most recent hunger strike at Harvard was; apparently he has a friend whose college decision rests on the answer to this question. Liam and Mike both came up with unsure answers.

14. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

15. Emily moved that the Physics and VES departments merge, extolling the possiblities of a greater enlightenment for both.

16. At this point, Ben Dreyfus entered the room, marking the first time in SPS history that both treasurers had been present at a meeting, and also marking an all-time high for officer attendance, with seven.

17. A basmati rice fight broke out. Order was quickly restored.

18. The constitution of the US was analogized to something Jewish. The goyim at the table were perplexed.

19. The rather puzzling question of how Iris found law school interesting was raised. No one had an adequate answer.

20. Thrash noted that the only time SPS talks about business is when Mike leaves. Mike returned, halting constructive discussion.

21. Over Mike’s objections, a proposed co-sponsorship by SPS of the Ig Nobels was passed. A delegation was formed.

22. Ben Dreyfus and Emily burst out in a stirring rendition of O Canada, providing a backdrop for a discussion about Ricky Martin and the English National Anthem. No one could see the reasoning behind either.

23. Annenbergian traffic jams were discussed. On a related note, Eleanore announced that she was attending a pretty fly party that night.

24. Much to the surprise of all, Adrienne noticed that Sammy was, in fact, wearing a wet suit. Why?!?!?

25. Ben Krefetz and Noam Elkies were analogized by Sammy. Ben’s mind was played with. Ben’s Crimson article was discussed.

26. The Pfoho vs. Adams war was discussed. Tempers flared.

27. Sammy engaged on a lengthy oration about toast masters and Americanisms. Harpaul then proposed that every week, there should be one reading, as an additional draw for certain recalcitrant freshmen. The motion was unanimously passed.

28. The meeting was adjourned much too late to ensure that those with problem sets due the next day could get a good night’s sleep.

October 21, 1999
Lowell House Game Room

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:10

2. Gracing the newly-acquired Game Room were Ben Krefetz, Nate Greenblatt, Ari Behar, Joon Pahk, Liam McAllister, Mike Develin, Adrienne Shapiro, and several whose names were harshly torn from the paper bearing notes for these minutes. Those seeking redress should apply to the secretaries.

3. Various topics covered in Physics 16 were discussed. Professors were compared. Mistakes were made.

4. Mike made an exceptionally mature gesture in response to the discussion of asymmetric tops.

5. Ben spoke at length on a topic which he requested not be put in the minutes, despite the fact that nobody had ever given the slightest indication that said topic was being considered for peer review and subsequent inclusion in the minutes.

6. SPS hockey was proposed. This proposition rapidly snowballed into a discussion of the finer points of “icing.”

7. Joon conducted a vote on East Timor during which many were encouraged to vote “present.”

8. Marshall Perrin’s state of origin was debated in a heated member. Candidates included Texas as one of the more incendiary states.

9. Tenure habits of various departments were pondered. Ari pointed out that the US branch of the History department has not granted tenure since the sixties. Rapid calculations led the group to conclude that they’re REALLY OLD.

10. Mike made quasi-surreal comments about fruit.

11. Purcell and Weinberg retain offices in the physics department, despite the fact that Purcell is dead and Weinberg is no longer at Harvard, due to Harvard’s desire to maintain a high ratio of Nobel-prize-winning-physicists’-office-space-to-body-mass.

12. Sources of Nobel prize money were discussed. This led to the inevitable mention of Harvard’s endowment, and the abrupt termination of the meeting.

October 21, 1999
Lowell House Game Room

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:10

2. Gracing the newly-acquired Game Room were Ben Krefetz, Nate Greenblatt, Ari Behar, Joon Pahk, Liam McAllister, Mike Develin, Adrienne Shapiro, and several whose names were harshly torn from the paper bearing notes for these minutes. Those seeking redress should apply to the secretaries.

3. Various topics covered in Physics 16 were discussed. Professors were compared. Mistakes were made.

4. Mike made an exceptionally mature gesture in response to the discussion of asymmetric tops.

5. Ben spoke at length on a topic which he requested not be put in the minutes, despite the fact that nobody had ever given the slightest indication that said topic was being considered for peer review and subsequent inclusion in the minutes.

6. SPS hockey was proposed. This proposition rapidly snowballed into a discussion of the finer points of “icing.”

7. Joon conducted a vote on East Timor during which many were encouraged to vote “present.”

8. Marshall Perrin’s state of origin was debated in a heated member. Candidates included Texas as one of the more incendiary states.

9. Tenure habits of various departments were pondered. Ari pointed out that the US branch of the History department has not granted tenure since the sixties. Rapid calculations led the group to conclude that they’re REALLY OLD.

10. Mike made quasi-surreal comments about fruit.

11. Purcell and Weinberg retain offices in the physics department, despite the fact that Purcell is dead and Weinberg is no longer at Harvard, due to Harvard’s desire to maintain a high ratio of Nobel-prize-winning-physicists’-office-space-to-body-mass.

12. Sources of Nobel prize money were discussed. This led to the inevitable mention of Harvard’s endowment, and the abrupt termination of the meeting.

October 28, 1999
Lowell House Game Room

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:05. Present for at least some of the meeting were Joseph David Rabinoff, Andy Cotton, Tad Warshall, Ari Behar, Josh VonKorff, Adrienne Shapiro, Mike Develin, Liam McAllister, Dave Freeman, Darren Ragozzine, Eleanore Chadderdon, Paul Dieffenbach, Harpaul Kohli, Natalia Luckyanova, and Paul Lujan (7 PM onward.)

2. The SPS constitution was once again raised. The question of whether we could discriminate against people who didn’t like physics, as well as possible provisions for impeachment, were discussed in particular.

3. Context-free notes were taken while I was out of the room. Consequently, they have been stricken from the record as any Expos preceptor would do.

4. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: The question of whether SPS should send a delegation to the regional meeting in UMass-Amherst was brought up. Reaction seemed to be lukewarm barring expense accounts.

5. Someone clever brought up the idea of stealing CityStep propagandic methods to promote the spread of Physics. If you think you might be that person, email an officer.

6. A poll seemed to indicate that four people had math sets due tomorrow, while only one had a physics set due today. Mike cheered. Liam ordered a recount.

7. The Physics 16 essay was discussed. Yes, you read that right. Shortly thereafter, Judaism came up yet again.

8. Figurines of Milne characters in Harvard flora were discussed.

9. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: Apparently there is some sort of function every week, the Young Experimenters colloquium (for lack of a better word) that undergraduates are at least allowed to attend. This urban legend was tossed around for a while, during which the pronunciation of Golubovic was hashed out.

10. Adrienne confuted former Soviet Socialist republics.

11. Certain secretaries’ emphasis on punctuality was discussed. Lisa arrived.

12. According to Eleanore, there is something called the Kisone Republic. It consists of 40 cubic feet of airspace, somewhere over Wisconsin (Minnesota? Michigan? Ah, well, they’re all the same.) Liam and Mike discussed appropriate dimensions for computing the number of people who could fit into such a bastion.

13. Once again, possible mascots for SPS were discussed. The frontrunners were Harpaul and a cute boy in a Tigger suit. Paul D. was confused.

14. Harpaul flashed his cellphone penguin indicator. People laughed.

15. The question of whether SPS was closer in institutional practice to HRO or a final club was discussed. No consensus was reached, except for the proposal of Negative Annual Dues which emanated from Paul D., via Joe.

16. Gas-guzzling SUV’s and Hermann Hesse were discussed. Both received a thumbs-down. However, Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s soundtrack was reviewed positively by Lisa.

17. The upcoming movie _Bats_ was discussed. All of the obvious analogies were made.

18. Joe noted loopholes in the de jure SPS constitution. Paul D. pressed the argument.

19. Someone talked about physics! The conversation then quickly came full circle, with Eleanore hurling a personal insult at Andy. In a related note, Alex Saltman is at most twelve.

20. A possible rampant spate of bikers dealing tobacco to minors sometime in the 1980’s was hypothesized, during which Harpaul chimed with tales of his reckless jaywalking.

21. The story of how Ben Krefetz jumped into a bus to prove a point and had to leap back was told. An unspecified person made a demonstration.

22. Adrienne got a graphite tattoo.

23. The ambiguity of laws regarding bicyclists, rollerbladers, and pedestrians was discussed. The meeting was adjourned at 7:11 so experimental evidence could be collected.

Lowell House Game Room
November 4, 1999

1. The meeting was called to order by Mike at 6:13, proclaiming himself dictator in the absence of any higher-ranking officers. The “stunning” attendance at that point was Darren Ragozzine, Paul Dieffenbach, Andy Cotton, and the aforementioned Mike Develin (who apparently possesses the amazing skill of “writing without looking at the paper,” according to Josh.) Later arrivals included Matt Thrasher, Emily Lin, Lisa Powell, Sara Hashmi, Joon Pahk, Paul Lujan, Harpaul Kohli (brandishing half a Tommy’s pizza), Tim Warren, and, for a brief moment, Josh Blanchfield, and Jeannie Miller, concentrating in Hist and Lit of Europe, 1300-1750. All mentions of “Paul” in the following minutes refer to Paul Dieffenbach unless noted otherwise.

2. Andy brought up the longtime Amending the Constitution debate. All present thought it was a good idea, but it was later filibustered to death.

3. Paul instructed Mike to “keep the minutes funny.”

4. Darren brought up negative dues as a possible amendment to the constitution. Paul then exhibited his nihilist tendencies for all to see, and proposed that a grapefruit be present at every meeting.

5. Hell froze over.

6. Completing the grand tour of classic topics, the SPS Mascot was discussed and determined to be a Jewish penguin in Noteables. Or possibly Harpaul.

7. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: Emily brought up again the SPS Zone Meeting. The age of Bo Hammer, national SPS president, was discussed. Various swarthy pronunciations of his name followed.

8. Emily detailed her harrowing run-in with notorious Lowell Checker Vicky. Paul chimed in.

9. Yet another Classic SPS Conversation was relived as the Fraternity Issue (a.k.a. Why SPS Isn’t Officially Part of National SPS) came up. Hillel inevitably ensued.

10. An inbox contest took place. Emily derided Paul’s manhood.

11. Matt and Emily carried on their own conversation about cool things.

12. Analogies between Prof. Georgi’s office space and the Death Star were constructed. Several of those present resisted an overwhelming desire to quote “Clerks” and/or refer to the SPS Puppet Show of two years ago.

13. Lisa said “prom.”

14. Emily committed a grave cakelike social blunder.

15. In rapid succession, the topics of baby identification difficulty, “all Asians look alike,” How To Tell People You’ve Dated Apart, and premeds vs. statues were brought up. Conclusions of various global and local offensiveness were reached.

16. The Exploding Bus was discussed.

17. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: Lisa announced that the buddy assignments would be distributed shortly. The Buddy Luncheon is sometime around December 6. This is of course useless by now, since you’ve already gotten the Buddy Email from Lisa.

18. Sara discovered that she had a defective egg. Albino chickens, as opposed to chickens merely lacking in melanin, were discussed. Lisa posited a class known as “country eggs,” presumably in opposition to “city eggs.” [Insert witty clause here.]

19. Prof. Robert Nozick was discussed in connection with Lisa’s TV box in the Crimson. It was decided that he should make regular appearances on WWF Smackdown, shown every Thursday night at 8 PM on UPN.

20. Diets consisting solely of bananas, or solely of cheese, and their consequences were discussed. Do not try this at home.

21. Sara took the Saltine Challenge. Matt and Emily took the Saltine Challenge. Mike took the Saltine Challenge. All completed it in order-of-1 minutes.

22. Matt recounted a shocking but true fact: in the Bartlesville, OK hospital, blood for transfusions is frozen and then microwaved before being recirculated. This both caused some woman to die because the blood was boiled, and did nothing to dispel stereotypes of Oklahomans as incompetent hicks.

23. The SPS Cloud Chamber came up again. It still doesn’t exist, in case you were wondering.

24. The meeting was adjourned at 7:10, in plenty of time for Smackdown.

Lowell House Game Room
November 11, 1999

1. Available in the flesh were Liam McAllister, Tara McAllister, Emily Lin, Vince Chu, Vagish Hemmige, Darin Raggozine, Paul Dieffenbach, Matt Thrasher, Tadd Warshall, Harpaul Kohli, Adrienne Shapiro, Lisa Powell, and surprise guest personality Joydip Kundu.

2. The concept of Mike in a tux was discussed and routinely discarded.

3. It snowed in Santa Barbara once, but that doesn’t mean Liam shouldn’t go to grad school there. Also, despite Joydip’s intense advocacy of snow in Florida, the orange farmers get really irate when it gets cold down there.

4. The legal status of Skewers was debated. Although some claimed to have seen sarcastic notes to postal workers directing them to alternate locations, Joydip’s all-too-present schwarma belied this statement.

5. The Greek accent of the Math 23 professor, in the grand tradition of the Greek accent of last year’s Math 22 professor, was discussed. A poll was conducted to unearth the names of teachers with particularly entertaining accents that would keep a tired student awake.

6. Official Business: It is with deep regret that we inform the SPS community that we were unable to send anyone to the SPS Zone meeting.

7. Mike didn’t help this guy move a chair two years ago. The memory will be with him forever.

8. Joydip is going to the Yale game.

9. Harpaul insisted that the security guard in the science center is a Kennedy. As in, a KENNEDY.

10. Tenure was discussed yet again.

11. Harpaul revealed his knowledge of George Will’s immediate family: “His daughter is a nice guy.”

12. Paul derided the Game Room architecture.

13. The fact that there is a person named Lemma provoked a great deal of laughter among all present. Immediate references were made to other equally amusing names, like “Corollary.”

14. Paul’s mission is to break the froyo machine in Annenberg to force the dining employees to serve real ice cream in accordance with the Camp Widener Agreement.

15. Paul was reminded that Annenberg is the only dining hall that consistently serves ice cream novelty when it is on the menu. Leverett was singled out as being particularly lacking in this facility.

16. Mike attempted to be debonair without lung cancer by pretending to smoke a breadstick.

17. Lisa came in to announce the official business that Buddies should be receiving emails about their status as a Buddy or a Bud-ee. Those who signed up to get a Buddy who have not received notification of their buddy should email Lisa, as it is now Her Problem.

18. Thrash expressed regret at not being a Bud-ee.

19. Eventually people wandered off into the no-longer-remotely-sunset.

November 18, 1999
Game Room, Lowell House

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:15. Throughout, the attendees were some subset of Liam McAllister, Mike Develin, Adrienne Shapiro, Paul Dieffenbach, Lisa Powell, and Harpaul Kohli.

2. Mike ranted about the paltry attendance due to his not sending out a reminder. He noted that he will, in general, not send out reminders, and that if people hear nothing, the meeting is on. As reinforcement, it was decided that Mike simply “wouldn’t make the minutes funny this week.”

3. Coed bathrooms were discussed.

4. Meteors, lots of meteors, meteor showers even, were discussed.

5. Mike extricated his entangled yo-yo using an array of knives.

6. Adrienne commented that Harpaul’s bike helmet would, in fact, be quite useless in the case of a crash.

7. Lisa wants holiday presents. If you are in the mood, please give holiday presents to Lisa. Thank you.

8. Meteors were discussed again.

9. The buddy system is CLOSED. If you are not a buddy yet, don’t say we didn’t warn you. You got your buddy email; you had your chance.

10. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: The Physics Puppet Show will be happening this year. In fact, as of now, it will be happening TODAY, at 8 PM in Jefferson 250, with refreshments in the physics library beforehand, at 7:30. According to Liam, the G2’s haven’t been going to any classes; apparently they’re working really hard on it, so it ought to be really good. Do not be hoodwinked by the signs claiming cancellation of the puppet show.

11. Physics was discussed.

12. Lisa remarked that she needed a bottle opener for her keychain. The bottle-opening ability of several objects were then discussed in rapid succession.

13. The meeting broke up sometime around 7:15.

SPS Minutes
November 27, 1999
Currier House Dining Hall

0. The meeting was called to order by Paul at 5:35. Present were Jenny Pegg, Harpaul Kohli, Paul Lujan, Nurit Baytch, Lisa Kwok, Eleanore Chadderdon, communism, and Mike Develin

1. Eleanore assumed Mike’s identity.

2. Rude taunts to use against Brown were discussed. Various unrepeatable insults were made.

3. Tryptophan and its soporific effects were discussed, in connection with the allure of football on Thanksgiving, and naptime.

4. Harpaul alluded to the platonic paradigm of penguins in his room.

5. The proletariat revolted.

6. Dinner “sucked.”

7. Jenny’s reading material (presumably not of choice) prompted a discussion of Sigmund Freud and whether or not he could be considered a philosopher. Many were adamant on this issue.

8. Eleanore hobnobbed with the president of the Kisone Republic.

9. Nurit returned from an excursion into the food area with “pink lemonade.” This lemonade was obviously not pink, attaining instead a rather crimson hue.

10. Jenny remarked on the duality between red and pink. Symmetries existing in practice as well as theory were discussed.

11. Blah blah blah blah blah. Metonymy surfaced.

12. The meeting was adjourned at 6:18, amidst a gaggle of excitement about the hockey game to follow.

13. Harvard got pounded 4-2 by Brown. Competence was not on display.

December 2, 1999
Lowell House Game Room

1. The meeting was called to order. Present were Daniel Stronger, Liam McAllister, Richard Eisenberg, Darin Ragozzine, Benjamin Krefetz, Claire Eager, Danna Freedman, Joseph David Rabinoff, Benjamin Dreyfus, Mike Develin, Andy Cotton, Lisa Powell, Eleanore Chadderdon, Paul Dieffenbach, Harpaul Kohli, Adrienne Shapiro, and Paul Lujan.

2. Prior to the meeting’s official commencement, Mike embarked on a discussion of the unit ball.

3. An energetic side discussion on the topic of Lowell House food took place.

4. It was determined that mixed potato chowder includes “scary potato,” which is green.

5. Ben D. apologized for his recent absenteeism and burped. This was clearly a ploy to get us on his good side. Well, not the burping part.

6. Acting as treasurer, Ben D. informed those present of his recent discovery of the SPS mailboxes and a host of bank statements proclaiming the sum holdings of SPS to fall somewhat short of the UC windfall.

7. Mike proceeded to endorse Ben D. for UC president.

8. Mike moved to have SPS endorse Ben D. for UC president. Ben K. seconded. The vote resulted (by a count of 13-1, with two abstentions) in an apparent endorsement. It was later pointed out by Liam that distinctly coercive measures such as the shouting of “everyone raise your hands!” were conducted during the vote, along with various other breaches of the voting protocol somewhere buried in the SPS constitution, thus rendering such an endorsement of dubious validity. In a blatant communist ploy, Mike edited the minutes to note that coercive measures such as these are used by the UC candidates themselves, and consequently are valid when determining things related to it.

9. The ambiguity of the names of various other UC candidates were discussed with regards to the sex of aforementioned candidates. Ben D. pointed out that a number of candidates’ names were actually complete grammatical sentences, eg “Todd Plants.”

10. Eleanore commented that Mike brainwashes people.

11. Joseph David Rabinoff’s Linear Algebra book is entitled “Linear Algebra Done Right.” It was pointed out that the little-known subtitle of the textbook for the now-defunct Math 22 class had in fact been “Linear Algebra Done Wrong.”

12. Harpaul recounted a recent breakdown in trust in which he had been an unwitting participant. Email kohli@fas for more details.

13. Mike advised Harpaul to settle out of court. [Ed. note: This is somewhat inaccurate. In actuality, Mike simply advised Harpaul not to get a lawyer. Either that, or he’s editing the minutes in a communist fashion again.]

14. Lisa advocated minimalist styles.

15. Eleanore noted that she was asymptotically approaching Judaism.

16. Mike put forth allegedly evolutionary arguments that would serve the purpose of those against binge drinking while encouraging it to continue.

17. Lisa noted as she left that she spent her entire time at the meeting talking to Dan.

19. The meeting came to an anticlimactic end replete with much head-shaking and bemoaning the failure of a game of Mafia to transpire.

December 9, 1999
Lowell House Game Room

-1. Liam and Mike engaged in a heated discussion about SPS’ endorsement of Ben Dreyfus, and whether or not SPS should be a political or apolitical organization. The impartial note-taker would like to remind you that the UC election polls close today (Wednesday, 12/15) at midnight, and that voting is a quick and easy process. Rock the vote. While he has your attention, he will also mention that SPS will be meeting tomorrow (Thursday) at 6 PM in the Lowell House Game Room, as usual.

0. Liam called the meeting to order at 6:12. Attendees included, and were limited to, Craig Hetherington, Liam McAllister, Dan Stronger, Eva Holtz, Andy Cotton, Adrienne Shapiro, Mike Develin, Danna Freedman, Claire Eager, Joon Pahk, Richard Eisenberg, Eleanore Chadderdon, Paul Lujan, and the mysterious J.

1. J is going to paint a mural, yo.

2. Craig rattled off an impressive list of anagrams of George W. Bush (the original.) Warthogs were definitely involved.

3. Eva declared Andy to be sugary-sweet.

4. The age-old battle between Ireland and Sctoland for the allegiance of Troy McClure, and the rest of the Clan McClure, was discussed. No conclusion was reached.

5. J’s roommate’s drug dealer’s name is “B.” J’s roommate was talking smack to him, so he busted a cap in his ass.

6. “My boss says we need some eunuch programmers,” said Andy’s shirt.

7. T.A.F.K.A.P. was alluded to in a roundabout fashion. Attempts to impose unpronounceable symbols upon the minutes were rejected due to Mike’s inability to draw said symbols.

8. Liam insulted Dan’s palate.

9. Mike was revealed to have no grasp of the english languge.

10. The merits of ant analysis were discussed and found to be sorely lacking.

11. J insulted Mike’s people as “freaky.” Shit went down.

12. Dan’s Physics 16 exploits were discussed, including eggs for breakfast. Apparently certain members of said class will, in fact, eat green eggs and/or ham.

13. Klezmer bands were discussed, as usual.

14. Harpaul’s various run-ins with the law were discussed. Strangely enough, this item has nothing at all to do with Margaret Law.

15. Boring stories about Mike, Joon, and Paul were told.

16. J leveled baseless accusations at Dan.

17. Various cacophonies of stalking were discussed. Network schemes came up more than once.

18. The Tale Of Mike And Parker Conrad’s Knee was told.

19. Mike’s name degenerated into a collection of arbitrary phoneme strings. Joon and Eleanore argued over the acceptability of various paostrophizations.

20. The ontogenetic development of Dan’s skeletal proportions was discussed.

21. Deja vu….

22. Mathman, Square One, and other related topics were discussed. Various of those present showed an enormous ability to remember specific episodes precisely.

23. Snow football, which will be happening as soon as it snows, was discussed.

24. “Intimidation,” by Richard. Parfum pour homme et femme.

25. Appropriate rules for three-person tic-tac-toe on an infinite checkerboard were discussed. No conclusion was reached. This quickly segued into an adjourning of the meeting at about 7:15.

SPS meeting minutes
The Game Room, Lowell House
Thursday, October 8, 1998

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:13. Present (at some point during the meeting) were Alex Saltman, Paul Lujan, Mike Develin, Lisa Powell, Adrienne Shapiro, Emily Lin, David Shih, Ben Dreyfuss, Joon Pahk, Bryant Matthews, Liam McAllister, and Iris Lan.

2. To atone for past sins, it was declared that Adrienne has many wonderful ideas every day that go ignored by the ingratious multitudes.

3. Lisa received a Level One Commendation for attending the Meeting for Leadership and Financial Seminars, because Alex had “Surrealism section.”

4. It was unanimously declared that Jose is a great guy and that his absence effected a gaping hole in the conversation.

5. The color puce was discussed. It appears to be some shade of light green (or possibly purple, or red….)

6. The Cloud Chamber project was rediscussed. Alex noted that his friend at Wellesley, who is president of their chapter of SPS, was interested in some sort of joint Wellesley/ Harvard Cloud Chamber project. David and Mike were excited about this. Lisa was not so excited.

7. It was mentioned that Prof. Georgi would like to attend a couple of meetings of SPS. Liam noted that the Game Room was far too drab for this purpose, and suggested that we have next week’s meeting (with Prof. Georgi) in the Faculty Room in Lyman. It was remembered that Dave Morin could provide us with pizza for such an event. Stay tuned.

8. Ben lives on the top floor, _and_ used to play the piano….

8. Yale has contacted us about hosting the regional SPS meeting. Apparently we did this once long ago… so if any alums are on this list still, do you remember such a gala?

9. Liam loopholed that SPS at Harvard is not actually part of National SPS, because that would make us a frat. (Sigma Pi Sigma, to be precise.)

10. The meeting was adjourned at 6:58.

11. Mike lost the napkin on which he had written the minutes, and was forced to recall them as best he could from memory.

Meeting minutes, 10/22

(yes, this is last week, sorry for the laziness) 1. The meeting was called to order at 6:05. Present were Joe Subotnik, Brendan Connell, Liam McAllister, Alex Saltman, Joydip Kundu, Eli Bohmer Lebow, Ben Krefetz, Emily Lin, Becky Weiss, Mike Develin, Lisa Powell, William Josephson, and Paul Lujan.

2. Language dialects were discussed. Becky contended that having a larger vocabulary means that you can have a wider range of emotions. Several of those present bristled at this idea. Many insults were volleyed back and forth across the table.

3. The strenuous process of being a meteorologist was discussed, with emphasis on how one computes the chance of rain. Proposed conjectures included a) looking at all days with similar conditions in the past (the empirical approach), b) considering several possible “storm-track” type outcomes (the theoretical approach), and c) consulting a Ouija board (the practical approach.)

4. Prof. Feldman’s opinions on the future of particle physics were discussed, along with Alex and Joe’s experience at CERN over the summer.

5. The Cloud Chamber Project was discussed.

6. Eli waxed ontological about the meeting’s having been called to order.

7. Mike told a bad joke.

8. Alex is in desperate need of an intern/retainer. Surreptitious salt shaker stealing skills essential.

9. It was declared that Joe’s humor was too intelligent for the rest of us.

10. Liam took notes while Mike went to get a Chickwich.

<11. “Big strife! Then a deathly silence.”>

12. Joe attempted to hustle Ben into getting him ice cream by means of a clever quantum-mechanical “Which hand is the coin in?” paradox, but, in a scene eerily reminiscent of failed attempts at making lemon meringue pie, collapsed the wave function too soon, and was forced to trot on up to the dining hall himself.

13. The meeting was adjourned at 6:43, after various people declared that they had can’t-miss sections to go to.

18 billion meters, 11/5

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:16. Present were David Shih, Liam McAllister, Brendan Connell, Adrienne Shapiro, Emily Lin, Joydip Kundu, Joon Pahk, Paul Lujan, Mike Develin, and the spirit of Dino Kakaes.

2. David posed the following philosophical question: “Since we all work in units where c=1, what do [meeting] minutes become?” The answer was agreed to be 18 billion meters.

3. Joydip posed yet another question: “Do you think it’s more shameful to have a professional wrestler become your governor, or your governor become a professional wrestler?”

4. Joon created a monster.

5. Keeping in tradition with the Welsh Day of Questions (the first Thursday in November), somehow the question, “Is there any great literature that isn’t pornographic?” was raised. It was determined that Mark Twain wasn’t very pornographic, and that he wrote many great pieces of literature.

6. David made some very offensive comments.

7. It was determined that the theory of quantum chromodynamics (QCD) is more accessible than Heidegger.

8. Many vignettes of dead people participating as both the electors and the elected in various elections were recounted. In particular, Oklahoma was singled out by Joon. Emily bristled.

9. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: The issue of whether we would make a group trip to the SPS regional meeting in Yale was raised. It was determined that people “had too much to do this weekend,” or “didn’t want to go.”

9.5. People who will remain nameless filtered out to “go do work.” These same people were later found to be asleep, face-down and drooling, in their bed.

10. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: David lamented the lack of physics articles in Harvard Science Review, claiming that all the articles were about “DNA, huh huh.” He said that he had talked to Ed Boas, who is in charge of the Harvard Science Review, and Ed said that he’d be happy to accept physics articles. The articles would be of the type in Scientific American, or alternatively, you could read the HSR for prototypes. If interested, mail Ed directly at boas@fas.

11. Somehow, this led into a discussion on the Physics of Death.

12. The TCP theorem (which states that if you reverse time, flip all the signs of the charges, and act with the parity operator, which basically means taking all position vectors v to -v), was mentioned. As usual, people were flabbergasted that this could actually be proved. As usual, no one recalled the proof, although Liam claims to have seen it at some point. Its implications vis-a-vis neutrino masses were discussed.

13. Mike adamantly claimed that neutrinos were massless. David, although reluctant to give his own personal take on the matter, replied that “most people believe that neutrinos have mass.”

14. Politics was talked about. Several conclusions and startling facts were reached, including:

Adrienne’s mother, who roomed with Hillary Rodham Clinton in Wellesley, is a very intelligent, dark-haired, woman.

Kenneth Starr’s daughter is going to school with Chelsea at Stanford.

Alex, even when he took on the visual characteristics of one, smells much better than a skunk.

15. The meeting was adjourned at approximately 7:30.

Minutes, 10/29

Sorry – these are egregiously late.
But don’t be deceived: it was an exciting meeting!
SPS Minutes
Thursday, October 29
Game Room, Lowell House

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:05. Present were Brendan Connell, Mike Develin, Paul Lujan, Eleanor Williams, Becky Weiss, Joydip Kundu, Adrienne Shapiro, Iris Lan, Joon Pahk, Lisa Powell, Liam McAllister, Eli Lebow, Emily Lin, David Shih, and Prof. Howard Georgi.

2. Monkeybread was the first topic of conversation. If you don’t know what this is, you are in good, but unenlightened, company. Consult Prof. Georgi to leave said company. (Hint: monkeybread, while quite similar to bread, bears no relation to monkeys.)

3. Mike admitted that he believes monkeybread is made by monkeys.

4. A scavenger hunt in Jefferson, to take place around Thanksgiving, was suggested.

5. Adrienne and Emily noted that Prof. Georgi’s relativistic cookies were “very good”.

6. Some one argued that arm hair counts as a body part.

7. High school chemistry just isn’t too exciting any more. Missing in particular is the 12-Molar excitement of bygone days.

8. Various people proposed cool demos, including liquid-nitrogen ice cream, dry ice cars, and sodium in the Charles River.

9. The Physics Department Puppet Show was plugged, and rightly so! **Thursday, Nov. 19, at 8:00 PM in Jefferson 250** Don’t miss it!

10. Princeton was discussed.

11. Pens really do explode if you take them on airplanes. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

12. Suspenders were discussed. No particular member of the faculty came to mind.

13. Prof. Georgi talked about various conferences which aim to increase the number of women in science.

14. On a related note, it was suggested that Joe and Alex, our esteemed Quad officers, have an interest in working with the Wellesley SPS.

15. The story “How Women’s Rooms Came to Jefferson” was told. Dr. Law was the protagonist.

16. Physics 16, and the relativistic vacuum cleaner, were discussed.

17. Prof. Georgi suggested that SPS ask the Science Center demo staff to prepare a spectacle – a collection of cool demos – sometime this year. There was a chorus of assent.

18. The meeting eventually slid to a close.

19. Liam lost track of the napkin-palimpsest which the minutes had become.

Thursday, Nov. 12
Game Room, Lowell House

1. Mike became a napkin. (Mike)

2. Eli squeeked, and was declared “one of those people.” (Mike)

3. Brendan called the meeting to order at 6:25. Present for at least some of the meeting were Brendan Connell, Michael Lee Develin, Samuel Jacob Klein Jr., Ben Krefetz, Joydip Kundu, Eli Bohmer Lebow, Emily Lin, Paul Lujan, Christine Manganaro, Joon Pahk, and Adrienne Shapiro. (Eli and Mike)

4. Mike went upstairs to get food, leaving the minutes napkin with Adrienne. Adrienne also went to get food. Eli seized the opportunity and the napkin. Most of these notes are Eli’s; Mike occasionally snatched the napkin back for a minute, as noted. (Eli)

5. Iris is normal, Alex is “hmm-hoo-haa-hoo-haa-hoo,” and all the other officers are abnormal. I think this was according to Ben, but he may have been getting these judgments from someone else.

6. Physics songs were discussed.

7. “String Theory: Sad but True” — Ben. Okay, this isn’t exactly what he said.

8. Yale is sketchy, according to Adrienne.

9. When discussing whether the ancients knew that ammonia is NH_3, give a citation.

10. The colloquium letter was determined to be a flop.

11. Surprisingly, there are physics students in Math 22.

12. Roommates and relations were discussed, specifically, who could be linked to whom by successive steps of roommates and relations.

13. Eli has mastered the fine art of humor. (Mike)

14. Eli thought the “game” in game room was for game hunting. (Mike)

15. The candy store in the Union, and other obsolete places, were discussed.

16. Ben was set up with a woman who killed him.

17. Mike cracked. (Mike)

18. Numerous puns concerning doing Jack were made. Also, the word “Palimpsest” was ridiculed, or at least teased.

19. Mexican food was discussed, again.

20. The possibility of an SPS trivial pursuit contest was discussed.

21. Several of us are working on a collection of egregious math, physics, and computer science puns. They’re headlines a la Weekly Week. Soon, the list will be visible or linked to on Sammy’s homepage, fas/~sjklein.

22. Must Eli always be a paragon of reason? (Mike)

23. The grand old age of 21, and the proper appellation for Samuel Jacob Klein Jr., were discussed.

24. Joon noted that he was the only person present named “Pahk”.

25. Pi’s have appeared in Mike’s neighborhood. Perhaps it was a math gang, or Greek gang.

26. Joon discussed his past misconceptions. Apropos of that, the puppet show is **Thursday, Nov. 19, at 8:00 PM in Jefferson 250**, according to the previous minutes. That’s **six days from today** assuming I finish the minutes today (Friday). That’s **soon**, and it’s very good. Funny funny funny. Sock puppets. Be there.

27. I missed something very funny, because I was talking to the wrong people and didn’t hear it. But people started laughing, and the cause of their laughter is lost to history.

28. There was a touching moment. Paul was not touched.

29. The Onion discussed Midwest peace talks.

30. No notes were taken for a while, because of the blackout. Maybe I should explain. See, someone suggested that SPS should meet in the dark. Mike liked this idea. After the blackout, it was recalled that they were wrist watch lights like fire flies, that Adrienne proposed an SPS hide-and-seek, and Mike couldn’t avoid being beaten up because if he stood in front of the door, we knew where he was, but if he moved away, there was light so we could see him.

31. At 7:18, the meeting adjourned. At some point before then, I forgot to write down our discovery that SPS is the only non-musical student group that doesn’t distribute condoms.

Minutes, 11/19

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:12. Present were Joydip Kundu ’99, Eli B. Lebow ’99, Rebecca C. Weiss ’99, Lisa J. Powell ’01, Liam P. McAllister ’00, and Michael L. Develin ’00. Later arrivals included Alexander H. Saltman ’00, Brendan D. Connell ’02, Emily S. Lin ’02, Benjamin W. Dreyfus ’01, and Benjamin A. Rahn ’99.

2. It was resolved that Becky is a tool. To be a tool, follow Becky around and do what she does. Also, buy someone a gift from the Coop catalog.

3. Eli proved by contorting his wrist that SU_2 is a double cover of SO_3.

4. Plans for a group showing of the Puppet Show (see below) videotape (since Alex will miss the original, and some other people will want to see it again) were discussed. Prof. Georgi’s being in Washington was also discussed.

5. Citystep and the social intricacies and circumstances thereof were discussed. Most of those present concluded that formals were “not fun.”

6. The Quantum Hall Effect and Magneto were discussed. I think it was concluded that Magneto was hiding out inside a liquid helium dewar inside Physics 191, but I’m not sure. Also, most evil people (“Krang”) have a K in their name.

7. Ben Rahn, a president emeritus from the good old days of yore, walked in! He queried those present on the location of “all of those people who I see in the minutes every week.” Mike stammeringly replied that those people were, in fact, real, and not fabricated. Ben seemed skeptical.

8. Alex repeatedly asked Ben Dreyfus the question “Did you see my sex email?” All present were shocked and confused for quite a while.

9. Ben Rahn revealed that over the course of the past few weeks, he had gone to a clinic at which men in white lab coats jabbed needles into his shoulder in a very unacupunctural fashion. Apparently they are trying to relieve tension in his shoulder, or some such.

10. Accents were discussed, in connection with staying awake in class. Alex revealed that he has taken to writing haikus. Emily chastised Alex on his brazen inobservance of other rules in writing haikus (they’re more than just 5-7-5 poems, you know!)

11. Mike raised the issue of a possible SPS scavenger hunt the Monday after thanksgiving. The response was underwhelming.

12. Custance never really acts. She submits meekly to marriage with the Sultan, allows herself to be placed in a rudderless ship, and makes no effort to direct the vessel, even after years at sea.

13. The meeting dissipated around 7:15.

14. Depending on who you ask, you get varying reviews of the physics puppet show:

Igor Y. Teper ’00: “It was better than last year. It was better than the year before. That was really funny.”
Alex H. Saltman ’00: “From the parts that I saw, it was ridiculously funny.”
Anne K. Sung ’00: “The cheese was not as good as last year.”

All agreed, however, that the puppet show was very funny. Respondents especially liked the Star Wars segments.

December 3, 1998
Game Room, Lowell House

1. The meeting was never officially called to order. Present at various times were Mike Develin, Brendan Connell, Alex Saltman, David Shih, Adrienne Shapiro, Becky Weiss, Joon Pahk, Paul Lujan, Joydip Kundu, Emily Lin, Josh Vonkorff, Eli Lebow, Liam McAllister, and Lisa Powell.

2. Of the nicest people at Harvard, many are to be found in the Noteables. Becky was rebuked for claiming she is “pretty nice, say upper 50% of people in niceness”. Those who delivered the rebukes are likely not in said 50%.

3. Judaism, and its relationship to mathematics, was discussed.

4. One of those present is now – and has been for some time – 18! Some were startled to hear this, but the evidence was strong.

5. Springfest is a joke. SPS members overwhelmingly support the distribution of fried dough, however.

6. UC candidates were discussed. No consensus was reached.

7. When someone says “c-u-s-o-4, it is standard to interpret this as CuSO4, not CUSO4. (i.e., neither carbon nor uranium is present.)

8. “Parts integration (for money!)” met with general approval.

9. Kind words were said about Mary Lampros.

10. It was remarked that, during the SPS Buddy Luncheon, Prof. Nelson mistook Prof. Maldacena for an undergraduate! One professor was heard to yell, “He thought he was some kid!”

11. Liam departed, leaving Mike to note that:

12. Gut cores were discussed.

13. Noam D. Elkies and his Amazing Talents were pondered for a few minutes.

14. It was determined that Becky is object-oriented.

December 10, 1998
Game Room, Lowell House

1. Present were Becky Weiss, Iris Lan, Alex Saltman, Emily Lin, Brendan Connell, Adrienne Shapiro, Lisa Powell, Liam McAllister, Vicki Fossum, Eli Lebow, Joydip Kundu, Mike Develin, Joe Subotnik, Joon Pahk, Bryant Matthews, and special guest Igor Teper ’00.

2. This is a record for officer attendance! And the only missing officer was, according to rumor, “en route”.

3. The lack of a puppet show videotape was lamented by all.

4. It was rumored that some professors do not teach as well as others. This may be correlated somehow to their varying attitudes about the CUE forms.

5. Various Very Young People were discussed. The key question: is a VYP better off being attractive or unattractive when in college?

6. All freshmen are mean, according to several of those present.

7. There was an upwelling of popular support for freshmen, who, according to their defenders, are “nice”.

8. Becky and JD were at the center of a storm of savage repartees.

9. ‘Stick’ is funny.

10. Mike brought in a large amount of frozen yogurt which he claimed was “just peachy”. He soon tired of it, however.

11. Austin is a nice place for graduate school. It was noted that there is a lot of live music there, “and it’s not all rap.”

12. It was remarked that some signs in the Greenhouse say, “Keep doors closed – Energy Conservation.”

13. It was noted that the Science Center revolving doors should have signs reading, “Don’t move doors – Angular Momentum Conservation.”

14. It was pronounced that nearly everyone in SPS would be excited to see the Star Wars prequel. Vague hints were made that we should take an exam-time study break this spring.

15. The meeting ended.

January 7, Lowell House Game Room

0. The tables were moved around before the meeting. The resulting configuration was deemed “less awkward” (by Brendan) but also “less efficient” (by Joydip, I think.)

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:12. Present during at least some of the meeting were Iris Lan, Emily Lin, Adrienne Shapiro, Mike Brauwerman, Mike Develin, Joydip Kundu, Ben Krefetz, Paul Lujan, Brendan Connell, Lisa Powell, Josh VonKorff, Joon Pahk, the Messiah, and Liam McAllister.

2. Paul got a haircut!

3. Despite what Mike would have you believe, Brendan did NOT get a haircut. In fact, he hasn’t had one since Thanksgiving.

4. Did people see that article on Math 55 in the Crimson?

5. Did people see that article on Math 55 in the Crimson?

6. Joydip got new glasses. This became increasingly clear to everyone throughout the meeting.

7. The Jerusalem Disease was discussed. Mike Brauwerman was lambasted over the lack of tickets.

8. Adrienne received lots of blank stares.

9. According to Iris and Joydip, Paul saw a really bad movie that made him throw up.

10. Buddy Lee has a website! And other funny things at (This from Lisa.)

11a. Buddy Lee is Action Man.
11b. Mike is Action Man.
11c. Liam is Action Man.

12. SPS Ultimate and/or Primal Scream was discussed. The latter was ruled out, after the comment, “Theorists don’t go outside.” (by Lisa, I think.) It was resolved that someone should talk to Dave Morin about the former.

13. Joydip was given the nickname of “MC Biology.”

14. Ben is VERY misguided about concentration requirements; in particular, you don’t get put on probation if you don’t take a concentration class in a given semester. Odd, isn’t it?

15. Vanilla Ice, Towel Lady, and using Judaism to your advantage to go see Star Wars on the day it comes out were discussed in rapid succession.

16. Joon and Paul broke out into intranecine warfare.

17. Josh turned out to be quite useful.

18. Iris re-entered with the Messiah and Liam.

19. Liam did NOT get a haircut. It was the biggest mistake of his life, thus far.

20. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: Big Buddies are encouraged to give their little buddies a call or email about course selection for next term. Paul related the story of how when he did this last year, his little buddy said, “I’m going to take 15b,” and there was really nothing he [Paul] could say to that.

21. The meeting was adjourned at 7:20.

January 14, 1999
Game Room, Lowell House

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:05. Present were Paul Lujan, Ben Krefetz, Liam McAllister, Joydip Kundu, Adrienne Shapiro, Iris Lan, Lisa Powell, Mike Brauwerman, Becky Weiss, and Honored Guest David Morin.

2. There was a squabble about endorsing the Primal Scream. Mike Develin was named, in absentia, the SPS member most likely to streak.

3. The Primal Scream at Brown was discussed. It was remarked, by Dave, who should know, that “we did it every night”.

4. Course schedules were discussed at length. Someone voiced a heartfelt plea to change the meeting time of Math 101. A certain math professor’s penchant for morning classes was also mentioned. In this connection, somehow, Ben mentioned a cheap rabbi.

5. Henry Fu appeared through the small opening in the door. Then he vanished.

6. Dave was introduced to Becky as the “Uber-TF”. Hearing instead “Hoover TF”, he showed some puzzlement.

7. Paul recounted, to the delight of all, “Igor’s Celebrated Sicilian-Pizza-Eating Story”, now almost a legend.

8. Becky plugged Great Cuts and Disneyworld.

9. Ben gave a strange rendition of a song about a woodchuck. You know, the one about chucking wood.

10. Mike pawned off a piece of cake for no reason. Then he made a huge and horrible gaffe which does not bear repeating. Everyone was highly amused, except Adrienne, who, indirectly affected by the blunder, was appalled.

11. On that tranquil note, the meeting was adjourned, albeit slowly.

Meeting minutes, 1/21

1. The meeting was called to order by Paul, in the absence of the presidents, at 6:13 PM. Present were Adrienne Shapiro, Joe Subotnik, Eli Lebow, Liam McAllister, Ben Krefetz, Emily Lin, Ben Dreyfuss, Bryant Mathews, Mike Develin, David Speyer, Lionel Levine, Harpaul Kohli, and Mike Brauwerman.

2. Joe discussed the prospects of spending one’s summer on the lovely campus of Berkeley. Paul launched into a diatribe on Berkeley involving coughing, asian girls, the Department of Energy, and LBL.

3. Patriots’ day was discussed, in connection with the Boston Marathon and MIT. Transferring to MIT as a remedy for being forced to attend class on Patriots’ day was discussed.

4. Our heartfelt wishes go out to Prof. Westervelt for a speedy recovery.

5. Bert Halperin’s Magical Healing Properties were discussed in connection with the above. By a vote of 7-4, those present voted down a proposal to spend SPS money on magical healing herbs.

6. John Doyle was declared to be “the bomb.” SPS eschews responsibility for any explosions related to John Doyle, or not related to John Doyle, for that matter.

7. Prof. Feldman “rocks.” Somehow, in connection with this, “literature people” were discussed.

8. Romance languages were discussed, in particular the evolution of French and Spanish. Those present who had taken Knowledge of Language used the word “Proto-Indo-European” repeatedly, and smiled smugly. On the other hand, they too were baffled by Catalan.

9. Charlemagne, and his nationality (Roman? Frankish? Prussian?), were discussed. The pagans say he’s over 200 years old.

10. Joe did a little dance over copies of physics books by Purcell and Jackson, celebrating the ultimate triumph of SI over CGS/MKS, etc.. He was very happy.

11. “If god wanted us to use the metric system, we’d have ten fingers!” exclaimed David. 12 Monkeys was brought up, to the chagrin of certain dentophobic members of the audience.

12. Cheating on the physics 16 take-home final was discussed. Many of those present were chagrined that “half the class had used the book.”

13. Mike mentioned jelly donuts while fleeing. Lengthy arguments about the 1 MJ/JD approximation ensued. (For those of you unfamiliar with this approximation, a jelly donut holds approximately 1 megajoule of chemical energy; this is a good approximation for chemical energy contained in arbitrary solid objects (such as airplane fuel.)

14. Ben made it perfectly clear that he does not want to seduce a certain female member of the mathematics department in charge of disseminating certain cushy jobs.

15. Harpaul told the worst joke ever. At its coup de grace, several members stormed out in disgust, Mike threw eggs at him, and everyone else groaned like they’d never groaned before.

16. The meeting adjourned on a sour note.

February 4, 1998
Game Room, Lowell House
Table #1
(taken by Mike and Liam; Table #2 notes by Igor are forthcoming)

1. The meeting began around 6. Present were Mike Develin, Alex Saltman, Kevin Hall, Liam McAllister, Becky Weiss, Igor Teper, Eran Mukamel, Paul Lujan, Mike Brauwerman, Eli Lebow, David Speyer, Adrienne Shapiro, Emily Lin, Iris Lan, Adam Cohen, Johann Schleier-Smith, Harpaul Kohli, Joe Subotnik, and Joon Pahk.

2. Crowding and aggressive seating led to the division of the meeting into two tables. Paul, in a decree now infamous, rejected Mike and Liam’s L-shaped seating plan, insisting that only a complete division could bring peace.

3. The Constitution of SPS was mentioned. It was remarked that the Secretarial Binder has been retained by a certain previous secretary, now in a position of some prestige.

4. Math 22 and the conception of number were discussed.

5. The SPS Used Book List will not appear this term, as the Marketplace is, according to rumor, faster.

6. Regarding the configuration of the room, Mike remarked, “Why are we so stupid?”

7. Igor cannot rewrite history.

8. Tufts SPS, Wellesley SPS, and Seinfeld were discussed. Vague plans were made to invite the first two to Cool Physics talks.

9. Becky launched a violent verbal attack on Harpaul after he plugged a Core which she had taken and still dislikes. The rights of freshmen, and lack thereof, were mentioned by her. Various people, mostly juniors and seniors, chimed in in support of the privileges of seniority.

10. Joe does not like Lowell House very much.

11. Certain threats were made.

12. People started to drift away, and the conversation turned to courses.

13. Peripheral Akkadian was mentioned. So was Henry Fu.

14. A cry of “I don’t get it” was heard and ignored.

15. Joon shouted a lot. In a loud voice. He was standing on a chair.

16. Semitic pronunciation was reviewed. Hebrew-school people shared their expertise and began to recite the alphabet.

17. The meeting dissolved just before 8.

18. Certain people prolonged the meeting, much reduced in scale and volume, until around 9:10.

Table A
(taken by Igor; Table B notes posted earlier today by Liam)

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:12. For the first fifteen minutes or so, everyone sat together. This tranquil period is covered by Liam and Mike’s minutes.

2. Sometime around 6:30 there was a Great Schism in which those present divided into two factions, the righteous Table A and the villainous Table B. Igor took over the minute-taking duties for Table A. In attendance at Table A were Mike Brauwerman, Iris Lan, Kevin Hall, Eli Lebow, Adrienne Shapiro, David Speyer, Igor Teper, Emily Lin, Eleanor Williams, and Dino Kakaes.

3. Tufts SPS and Wellesley SPS want to conjugate with us for some activity. Just what activity this could be is yet to be determined.

4. Cool physics needs speakers. Iris said she might talk about violin construction.

5. “6 foot-squared-degree-Fahrenheit-pounds per British thermal unit” — Mike Brauwerman.

6. Mike Brauwerman claimed to have seen naked people in a class he shopped.

7. It was noted that Table A was having a better time than Table B.

8. Joe hates the Lowell dining hall.

9. Table A exploded with applause for no apparent reason.

10. SPS elections are in two weeks.

11. Table A undertook a commando mission to steal the salt shaker from Table B. Mission was accomplished with minimal loss of life and property damage.

12. Joon arrived and joined Table A. Table A chanted “Joon! Joon! Joon!”

13. Joon stole a chair from Table B.

14. Table A formed UFaTB ™, the United Front against Table B.

15. Mike Develin’s hearing is too good.

16. It was realized that Eli had defected to Table B about twenty minutes earlier.

17. Iris provided Table A with chocolate.

18. It was noted that Table A was still having a better time than Table B.

19. Mike Develin vowed to CA Math 25 no matter what the cost.

20. Math 22 and Math 25 CA’s were discussed.

21. Igor left the meeting around 7:10, at which point there were few enough people for the Great Schism to end. For the events that took place after this point, consult the Table B minutes.

SPS Minutes, February 11
Lowell House JCR

1. Paul, despite threats of punishment by higher powers from lower powers, called the meeting to order at 6:07. Present for at least part of the meeting were Nurit Baytch, Adrienne Shapiro, Emily Lin, Jose Sandoval, Liam McAllister, Iris Lan, Paul Lujan, Ben Krefetz, Joydip Kundu, Lisa Powell, Mike Brauwerman, Mike Develin, and Harpaul Kohli.

2. The SPS Constitution, an institution older than the U.S.S. Constitution, was discussed. Various officers not present in possession of binders and checkbooks were discussed. Certain attendees were made aware of their right to remain silent.

3. Emily suggested that if said checkbook were ever unearthed, a portion of the funds should be used to buy equipment for laser tag.

4. A piece of advice from Iris: if you walk into a bank and demand to be allowed to withdraw money from the SPS bank account, they won’t let you.

5. The brouhaha regarding the room change was discussed. Liam and Mike placed all the blame on Paul. Iris, as president, consented to this blame. It was decreed that “this is all Paul’s fault.” Some members, however, dissented, claiming that the JCR was a much better place to have a meeting. Plans for next week were pointedly not discussed, leaving the door open to blame Paul yet again.

6. Certain members of the faculty and their opinions on theses were discussed. Martin Luther came up.

7. According to Paul, the mother of another attendee “is stupid.” This is strictly hearsay.

8. Along the same lines, a leading publisher of journalism was declared to be “a whore” due to various inserts included biennially.

9. The efficacy of displaying unborn children was discussed. Mike Brauwerman brought up Psychology 1202 as an example.

10. Jose obtained state secrets from Liam regarding Jeffersonians.

11. Pizza and Cool Physics, along with Dave Morin were discussed. It was concluded that Dave Morin is taller than Paul.

12. Iris refused to be assimilated.

13. Emily proposed tabling outside the science center to hand out autographed pictures of Dave Morin. Liam suggested the Standard Model paper.

14. Certain Physics 15b teaching fellows were declared to be “the man.”

15. The Division of the World into good and evil sides during the 1996-7 school year was discussed. Football memories of Liam running into a water pump were discussed and will be written into the annals of history. 15a. If Harpaul is wearing his hat, he’s evil. If he’s not, he’s good. Capisce?

16. Jacob Lurie may or may not be the origin of everything. Ashley Eden was suggested as an alternative, as was the Garden of Eden. It was noted that upon the return of Jesus, he was mistaken for a gardener. It was concluded that Jacob Lurie was Jesus. This conclusion was quickly thrown on the burning heap of compost outside the window.

17. Paul’s shoes (14) are much bigger than Ben’s (10).

18. Ben made a sexist comment insinuating that in a certain domain of conversation, women were prevaricators.

19. Nurit can identify clothing in Hebrew.

20. Emily and Lisa plotted, plotted, and plotted some more regarding an SPS ultimate game, to replace the Freshman Formal as “an alternative to being social.”

21. Joydip got new glasses!

22. According to Lisa, Liam has “soft, pastel hair” which resembles “an easter egg.” Liam was very befuddled at this.

23. Iris took complete responsibility and blame for the previous two minutes.

24. Mike Brauwerman has “game theory hair.”

25. Mike Brauwerman and Harpaul had a discussion regarding certain noted natural historian Harvard professors and the New York Museum of Natural History. Harpaul’s mother was mentioned.

26. Lisa was very traumatized by the appearance of a chicken head on the street.

27. Squirrels dropping from trees very high off the ground and hawks pouncing on them were discussed. Adrienne was very incredulous. Liam, Jose, and Emily all colluded to pound this idea into her head.

28. The meeting was adjourned by Prof. Noam Elkies at 7:00.

SPS Meeting Minutes
February 18, 1999
JCR, Lowell House

1. The meeting began around 6 and was called to order at 6:17. Present were Paul Lujan, Ben Krefetz, Mike Brauwerman, Liam McAllister, Ben Dreyfuss, Emily Lin, Joydip Kundu, Eli Lebow, Joon Pahk, Lisa Powell, Harpaul Kohli, Joe Subotnik, Igor Teper, Adrienne Shapiro, Samuel Klein, Brendan Connell, and Becky Weiss.

2. There was much shouting at the start. Certain officers fell afoul of a blizzard of accusations.

2′. Becky insisted on running for office. Although she is a senior, she claimed that she would not graduate this spring due to failing a Core for which she has not bought the sourcebook. Her attempt met with no support, but she was promised an emerita position, no small honor!

3. The officers’ duties were discussed.

4. Unfortunately, it is not Maundy Thursday. In this connection, various people were assumed Catholic or non-Catholic and tried desperately to argue otherwise.

5. Ben D. noted, “If I were one of the greatest poets in the Hebrew language and my great-granddaughter was the star on Blossom, I’d be turning over in my grave.” (thanks to Joon for noting this)

6. Nominations for offices were made:
President: Liam, Paul
Vice-President: Joe, Lisa
Secretary: Mike, Adrienne
Treasurer: Sammy, Igor, Ben D.
Events Chair (a new office): Emily, Mike B, Brendan
In addition, Igor ran for everything except events chair in order for the elections to be contested. As he put it, this is because he comes from a communist country.

7. It was eventually decided that votes should be made. Joon counted these in his head, frequently making order-of-magnitude estimates. Some objected to this. Nevertheless, the election went on. The new officers are:

Presidents: Paul Lujan, Liam McAllister
Vice-Presidents: Lisa Powell, Joe Subotnik
Secretaries: Mike Develin, Adrienne Shapiro
Treasurers: Ben Dreyfuss, Sammy Klein
Events Chairs: Brendan Connell, Emily Lin

8. The new treasurers tried to figure out how to get money. New and old secretaries planned to storm Alex’s room in order to reclaim the infamous Secretarial Binder.

9. Igor was nominated Ambassador to the Quad. His nefarious attempt to move every third meeting to the Quad met with tremendous disapproval from many of those present and with strict censure from many officers.

10. Various other appointments, to be confirmed, were made. It was mentioned that Harpaul should be a Freshman Whip. Ben D. wanted to be minister of War and of Peace & Love.

11. Paul was used to measure the height of the ceiling.

12. The meeting dissipated around 7:10.

SPS Meeting Minutes
Lowell House Game Room
Thursday, February 25, 1999

1. The meeting was called to order sometime prior to 6:10. Gracing the meeting with their presences were Mike Develin, Paul Lujan, Ben Krefetz, Liam McAllister, Brendan Connell, Adrienne Shapiro, Will Josephson, Iris Lan, Joydip Kundu, Joon Pahk, Mike Brauwerman, Harpaul Kohli, and Lisa Powell. The absence of Emily Lin was mourned by many present.

2. Mike Develin noted Iris’s pink shirt and conjectured that she had been trying to match her cranberry juice. This was not at all accurate.

3. Snow football, with a variety of objects being used as a ball (traditional football, frisbee, and softball) was discussed. This inspired Brendan to announce the first official Events-Chair-coordinated SPS event:

SPS Ultimate
Friday, February 26, 11:59 PM in the MAC Quad

4. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: Dr. Law has requested SPS input as to the scheduling of 143b and 153 for next year.

5. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: Paul and Liam are going to officially reserve a room for SPS to lift us from the squalor of our current squatter status.

6. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: SPS T-shirts were proposed. This idea met with a marked lack of enthusiasm from various members who had been involved with a certain math 55 tshirt attempt, but Joydip suggested a quote that found favor among many.

7. EVEN MORE OFFICIAL BUSINESS: Liam tracked down standard model chart distributors and ascertained that various sizes, such as notebook sized, laminated, big-ass, and doormat are available. Plans were made to obtain some notebook sized and some big-ass ones.

8. Mike Brauwerman grew bitter and violent in reaction to Joydip’s acceptance to MIT. Others applauded.

9. Brauwerman flaunted his status as a CA by granting homework extensions to those in Math 25 who elected to participate in snow football that evening.

10. Warmups for the Lowell House Opera permeated the meeting.

11. Lisa had a terrible horrible no good very bad day, but a good black bean bun.

12. Death tolls of various men and beasts were discussed. They were illustrated in the following chart:

Kirby Puckett 0
Xerxes 4
McDeath 12
Cowardly Lion 0

13. Mike Develin’s violent outburst met with general disapproval.

14. Upon displaying ignorance and confusion following Ben’s announcement that haggis was being served at Quincy House, Adrienne was informed that haggis is a Scottish dish consisting of sheep bladder and a pool of brownish glop.

15. The meeting was adjourned at 6:53, at which point Brauwerman cursed at the child and was chided by Iris.

SPS Minutes
March 4, 1999
Lowell House Game Room

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:06. Present variably were Emily S. Lin ’02, Adrienne E. Shapiro ’02, Mike L. Develin ’00, Liam P. McAllister ’00, Paul J. Lujan ’00, who is also a Crimson editor, Joon Pahk ’00, Brendan D. Connell ’02, Will K. Josephson ’02, Nurit E. Baytch ’99-01, Lisa J. Powell ’01, who is also a Crimson editor, and Harpaul A. Kohli ’02.

2. Joon posed a problem involving field lines and a conductor that Melissa Franklin had given on the physics 11b test; it turned out to be virtually impossible, much to their chagrin. A similar problem involving conductors on the Red Line was discussed, and this too turned out to be a real doozy.

3. Harpaul related information pertaining to the “time-dependent nature of 1/137.” Paul pointed out that 1/137 does not, in fact, change its value with time.

4. Ways to find the moment of inertia of the earth were discussed. Possible solutions involved submerging it in water, rolling it down an inclined plane, and summoning the ghost of Archimedes from the dead and showing him to the moon.

5. The Director, who is in charge of dispensing keys to the math department, was discussed in a manner befitting Keyser Soze.

6. Susumu Kuno was discussed in connection with Math 25. It was determined that, in fact, he will not be teachig it next year.

7. It was mentioned that Joydip got new glasses.

8. Liam recounted tales of the lecturer for Charlemagne, rolling in the aisles of Harvard 104.

9. Harpaul recounted a complete non-sequitur lamenting the lack of “right-sized bowls” in Annenberg.

10. Michael McCormick and Dawson’s Creek were mentioned in rapid succession. The latter elicited many responses from many of those present, including the word “dreamy.”

11. The study of ethnomathematics was discussed.

12. Harpaul recounted a complete non-sequitur detaling a staged prison riot in upstate New York, involving a guard who wanted a vacation and therefore decided to pay the prisoners to beat him up.

13. Mike declared his faithfulness to the philosophy of Hammurabi.

14. Adrienne recounted a tale of flash photography. Afterwards, Harpaul made a very startling and rather foolish admission, which caused the rest of the room to point fingers, laugh, and adjourn the meeting at 6:52, leaving the destitute freshman alone with his spilled bowl of soup in the Game Room.

SPS Meeting Minutes
Lowell House Game Room
Thursday, March 11, 1999

1. The meeting was called to order at approximately 6:10. Present were Nurit Baytch, Mike Develin, Mike Brauwerman, Brendan Connell, Paul Lujan, who is also, and always will be, a Crimson editor, Joon Pahk, Eli Lebow, Lisa Powell, who is NOT also a Crimson editor, despite erroneous proclamations to the contrary on the part of other members, Dave Freeman, Adrienne Shapiro, Ben Krefetz, and Harpaul Kohli.

2. Plans were made to storm the quad to obtain the ever-elusive secretarial binder.

3. The mertis of O. Henry and An American Tail were discussed. Stupid characters, such as Romeo and Juliet, were derided. Much pleasure was generated in the recollection of the Hand Dance from the not-Leonardo-DiCaprio movie version, as well as the naked scene, which many eighth and ninth grade teachers voluntary showed again to eager student audiences.

4. Eli was possessed of the constitution. This was very useful in determining whether or not US citizens may legally receive honorary titles such as “Sir” or “The Venerable.”

5. The Alaskan Trajan Langdon, not to be confused with Emperor Trajan, plays basketball for Duke and is also a math major.

6. Lisa failed in her attempt to rally the group in Cats cheers.

7. There was a proposal for SPS Easter Bunnies.

8. Eli has dual New Zealand and US citizenship.

9. The lack of treasurers at the meeting was bemoaned by all.

10. Mike Develin disgusted many with his display of peeling a banana with his toes, then eating it.

11. Correction: The Suffolk County prison to which Harpaul referred in the previous meeting is in Massachusetts, not New York, as was generally assumed.

12. The meeting came to an uneasy end at 7:01 amidst shrieks and crying from outside the room.

SPS Minutes
Lowell House Game Room, 3/18

1. Mike Develin called the meeting to order at 6:02, being the highest-ranking (and only) person in attendance. Subsequently, the following people entered (in order): Adrienne Shapiro, Ben Krefetz, Liam McAllister, Jose Sandoval, Dave Freeman, Emily Lin, Steven, Mike Brauwerman, Paul Lujan, Harpaul Kohli, Ben Dreyfus, Joydip Kundu, Tracy Northup, Lisa Powell, Aaron Bronfman, Joon Pahk, Sammy Klein, and Eli Lebow.

2. Jose, in a mean-spirited act of defiance, rejected Adrienne’s blocking group. According to the freshmen present, blocking was a “disaster.” This may or may not have been connected with the seemingly unpatterned swaths of paint on Jose’s shirt.

3. A comment was made that the people at the meeting were acting “at a third grade level.” The motion passed unanimously.

4. The anatomical implications of group theory were discussed, in relation to Duke University, where the aforementioned Steven is from.

5. Paul received two packages in the mail. A furious round of betting ensued as to the identity and/or explosiveness of these packages.

6. Liam whined about the GRE’s being so far away.

7. Ben Krefetz’s father was discussed in the context of heartless, punitive disciplinarians.

8. Mike Brauwerman received pornographic RAM in the mail. For the rest of the meeting, he jealously hoarded it from prying eyes.

9. Dave was discussed in the context of several meanings of the word “junior.” Among the conclusions were: 1) Dave is not a junior. 2) Dave is, however, Mike Brauwerman’s junior. 3) But not by much.

10. Mike Develin made a theatre joke. People were confused.

11. Joydip got new glasses! In other news, Ben Krefetz made a joke that someone had just made, much to the chagrin of the secretaries.

At this point, the meeting was interrupted by a violent constant ripping sound coming from the direction of the fan, which had just started spinning, creating an orgy of paper bits which flew around and around. Suspicious eyes were cast at Mike Brauwerman, who eventually broke down and admitted that he had Clapper-type powers over household appliances. *****

12. Jose made several unnecessary jokes, but no lasting harm came of them.

13. Sheldon Glashow was mentioned, as was Howard Georgi. Nothing particular was mentioned in connection with them, and certainly not in connection with various subatomic particles, the word “exotic,” and small Arab nations. Nothing at all. And certainly not by an unnamed member of the freshman contingent.

14. Outside in the hallway, Claudia screamed.

15. Deaths on Sesame street were mentioned, as were novel and not-so-novel characters. The sordid lives of the Muppets were not discussed.

16. Remember that clown bed on the Simpsons in the episode where the Simpsons’ children are taken away from them by the child welfare agency because they aren’t good parents?

17. Apparently, absolutely nobody remembers that Dr. Seuss book with the thinking caps of which, according to Liam, the moral is that “you shouldn’t think.” Or maybe it was according to Lisa. This secretary was too busy commenting for the umpteenth time on the unpalatable nature of the food to fully realize what was going on.

18. Samuel C.C. Ting was mentioned. Apparently he attempted to search for anticarbon, but failed, instead noticing a rather odd phenomena detailed by Harpaul (as heard in Professor Glashow’s class) involving helium-3, the earth’s magnetic field, and a small duck.

19. Harpaul lied. (In reality, the duck is not a part of the experiment per se, but merely something to keep the experimenters amused while running said experiment.)

20. Joon proposed wacky hypothetical operations on dead people which may or may not confute their identities.

21. Ben Dreyfus wanted Y2K to be discussed. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life. His motion was denied.

22. Eli revealed in a fit of frustration that the complex conjugate of 8 is 8, and that’s all there is to it.

23. The members present voted that we were bored of the current subject (Toppsfield) and that a new subject should be introduced.

24. Joon sang.

25. An extremely heated shouting match erupted between Joon and Mike Develin over the ontological status of a 143a midterm which may or may not have been given in the spring of 1997. [Ed. note: Later, Joon managed to produce a blue book which was ostensibly from said midterm, but was mysteriously unable to produce the question sheet.]

26. Kissing Alanis Morissette was discussed. The motion was denied.

27. The meeting was adjourned at some point. However, because we chose instead to measure the position (Lowell House Game Room), we cannot tell you exactly what time. Best estimates include 6:55, 7:15, and 10:50.

Meeting Minutes
March 25, 1999
Lowell House JCR

1. A general imploring caused the meeting to be called to order at 6:15. Present throughout and in part were Paul Lujan, Joydip Kundu, Sammy Klein, Nurit Baytch, Ben Krefetz, Joon Pahk, Adrienne Shapiro, Mike Develin, Dave Freeman, Eli Lebow, and James R. Griffin.

2. Mike Develin ’00 declared he was graduating this year. This met with a great deal of skepticism which reduced Mike to a sniveling confession of attempted deceit.

3. He subsequently became a great advocate for disabilities.

4. It was pointed out that you can’t be considered that stupid for telling a stupid joke as long as people laugh at it, rendering them obviously more stupid.

5. Our presence in the JCR was explained by the fact that the door to the Game Room had been fixed, causing it to require a nonexistent key.

6. In an attempt to acquire aforementioned key from the Lowell House superintendent, Mike was visually accused of replacing the paneling in the door himself.

7. Joon told the following meta-joke: “So a guy walks into a bar and stars telling this joke.”

8. Paul regressed into the fetal position following a certain response to said meta-joke.

9. Adrienne completed the chain of absurdity.

10. Jacob Lurie’s thesis was not mentioned, nor did it walk into a bar.

11. According to Ben Krefetz, the chief Ashkenazic rabbi of Israel sanctioned the eating of Jacob Lurie’s thesis during passover, provided it be written on rice paper.

12. The possibilities of thesises written on toilet paper were entertained in conjunction with printer difficulties that might ensue.

13. It was unanimously decided that Joon and Sammy should enter a half-Asian three-legged race.

14. In another declaration by Ben Krefetz, calling into question his reliability as a source, Paul won the Putnam.

15. Mike announced that he was wearing an outfit consisting solely of denim, an assertion whose false nature was rapidly demonstrated.

16. It was decided by majority vote that Lowell’s tshirt design this year is absolutely, completely, entirely, and in all other ways, boring.

17. Leverett’s tshirt, on the other hand, met with general approval, as was the news that two SPS officers had recently been assigned to Leverett and consequently had further ties to Prof. Georgi and monkey bread.

18. There is a school named Mount Saint Scholastica.

19. It was ascertained that drooling children appear in Teletubby paraphranelia commercials.

20. The meeting was adjourned at 6:55.

SPS Minutes
April 8, 1999
Lowell House, Small Courtyard

1. The meeting was moved to the small courtyard due to weather. Present at some point during the meeting were Dave Freeman, Jose Sandoval, Harpaul Kohli, Brendan Connell, Joon Pahk, Joydip Kundu, Liam McAllister, Mike Brauwerman, Yu Yasufuku, and Lisa Powell.

2. Poisson brackets, also known as “fish brackets,” and commutators were discussed. Liam mentioned a related problem that would “make our blood posset up,” but fortunately for the audience, did not relate it. Joydip, also forced to undergo this problem for Physics 251, responded by repressing the memory.

3. Upon further investigation, Jose determined that his dinner consisted solely of fingernails. No sauce, just pure, unadulterated, fingernails. The concept of chicken beaks as a cultural delicacy was raised when Dave claimed to have found a crunchy substance in his chicken breast.

4. Joydip came dangerously close to provoking Jose’s culture.

5. The 251 problem set interfered with Joydip’s gin drinking.

6. The exact identity of a ball being thrown around by certain folk in the Lowell House Courtyard was discussed. Various people suggested “baseball,” “racquetball,” “lacrosse ball,” and “green.” Harpaul was dispatched to ask them what it was, and it turned out to be, according to them, “you know, one of those stress ball thingies.”

7. Jose proved beyond any shadow of a doubt that he was too smart for us.

8. Paul Lujan, co-president of SPS, emerged from M Entryway and proceeded to run away from us.

9. Mike Brauwerman made a completely unprovoked mean comment.

10. Mike Develin was ridiculed for not being able to find his way to the Quad. Obscure references to a short story by Jorge Luis Borges were made. Some present, getting the references, chuckled heartily.

11. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: Liam mentioned that sometime during the next month, some kind of Department Investigating Team was going to come from the Real World, and they would want to meet with physics concentrators. If you’d be interested in just talking to these people (no physics-related questions; they just want to make sure that you’re not killing yourself due to inhumane conditions), pay attention to an email you will receive soon from Liam via this list.

12. Taking the BAUPC at Yale was discussed. If interested, contact Dave or Constantine or Oleg. It will not happen this year, but provisions may be made for next year.

13. Jackie walked by and was accused by Harpaul of being a philosophy major.

14. A mutated form of duck, duck, goose involving gray ducks instead of geese was mentioned by Dave, who is from the lovable state of Minnesota. Mike Develin accused Dave of in fact being from Wisconsin.

15. Joon abruptly left the meeting to play frisbee with Claudia and Seamus.

16. Harpaul made a Microsoft Word joke. It was bad. Mike Brauwerman made a deft rebuttal. Jose approved.

17. Lisa arrived, to much rejoicing.

18. Jose recalled other jokes that had tickled him pink in the past. The prospect of making an “SPS Joke Book” was discussed and rejected.

19. It was hypothesized that there was a ghost on a tricycle which mysteriously started moving without the presence of any visible agent. Mike Brauwerman made a very immature noise of fright.

20. Lisa got new glasses!

21. Mike Develin got up and started to chase Seamus and Claudia around the courtyard, after Seamus had anointed him a goose. He made a mess with matzoh.

22. Harpaul made a reference to the Tennis Racket Theorem and promptly dropped his spoon.

23. Joon related the beginning of a problem: “Suppose you have an infinite lattice.” At this point, Joydip told us the answer, “R/2.”

24. Lisa clamored for the instituting of an official SPS salt shaker for various purposes involving yams.

25. Joon started a food fight. The ghost tricycle moved again. The meeting was declared out of order.

26. Ben needlessly demonstrated his verbing of a common noun.

27. Joe was deprecated for his flagging promise to obtain Star Wars tickets. Apparently, they do not sell advance tickets, so we would have to camp outside the theatre. Unfortunately, we also have finals.

28. Cindy Crawford and Natalie Portman were discussed in depth.

29. Lisa claimed to be a representative of the female class, and using this station, that the movie folk who think women won’t go see Star Wars (and consequently, who are planning to release two competing movies on the same day) are wrong. The generalization of Lisa to all females was questioned.

30. Mass confusion ensued. The conclusion, a shaky one, was that one Jacob M. Taylor ’00, would be appearing in Star Wars, much to the delight of young girls everywhere. (Secretary’s note: this is probably hearsay.)

31a. The meeting was called to order at 6:48.
31b. The meeting was adjourned at 6:49.

32. Mike made a bad pun on Jose’s name.

33. Ben repeated this bad pun, much to the chagrin of all still listening at this point.

34. Joydip reduced the infinite problem to a tautology.

SPS Meeting Minutes
Lowell House Game Room
April 15, 1999

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:16. Present were Liam McAllister, Mike Develin, Joydip Kundu, Paul Lujan, Joon Pahk, Eli Lebow, Emily Lin, Lisa Powell, and Adrienne Shapiro.

2. We spoke of thickenizers. If anyone knows how to make a “Cream of X” soup WITHOUT cornstarch, contact Liam.

3. OFFICIAL BUSINESS!! (offset for emphasis)
BAUPC: This SATURDAY, 4/17, 1-5 in Jefferson 250
contact Dave Morin (morin@huhepl) for alternate arrangements regarding religious conflicts.

4. Liam announced that it was high time to throw down the gauntlet to TCS and proposed Ultimate this Sunday at 4 PM. Further updates as events warrant.

5. Mike posited battling the kendo club with quarks. Liam affirmed that “all hell would break loose.”

6. Liam attempted to recall cracks that Sidney Coleman (not Einstein) had made.

7. Joon growled fiercely at Eli.

8. Adrienne cautiously proposed having a single meeting in the Quad as a last-ditch, eleventh-hour peacekeeping attempt before NATO troops were called in. This idea met with intense skepticism.

9. There was a move to sever all diplomatic relations with the Quad since the Ambassador to the Quad, Igor Teper ’00, has not met his quota of one meeting per month.

10. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: May 7 is the picnic. Time and details to follow.

11. Lisa announced an official complaint. In an open-letter-form to those at HDS, we meet with dismay the disapperance of the cheese tortilla and the concurrent arrival of jambalaya. We encourage all concerned to write their dining services representative.

12. Mike likened ROTC to a combinatorics thesis.

13. Emily wreaked havok with Mike’s Corn Pops (TM).

14. It was noted that Harvard owns many Babysitters Club books in Hebrew, but none in English.

15. Lisa pointed out that hair grows.

16. Joon demanded that Mike return Dan Biss’s birthday.

17. In response to the motives of a certain occasional SPS member for joining HCS, it was commented that “There are some good plans, and there are some not-so-good plans.”

18. Lisa gets to be queen since she owns land.

19. Monikers of various professional athletic teams were discussed and ridiculed to various degrees. Mike had a significant amount of trouble comprehending why the Bills was an appropriate name for the Buffalo football team.

20. Joon is waiting to see Matrix until Tensor comes out.

21. Liam demonstrated his astounding accuracy and strength by annihilating a piece of matzah with a blue jelly bean of unknown origin.

SPS Minutes
April 22, 1999
Lowell House Game Room

1. The meeting was convened at 6:07. Eventually present were Mike Develin, Dave Freeman, Liam McAllister, Ben Krefetz, Harpaul Kohli, Paul Lujan, Paul Dieffenbach (a prefrosh), Joydip Kundu, Mike Brauwerman, and Lisa Powell.

2. The general badness of the food was commented upon.

3. The pre-frosh who held a press conference upon getting admitted to Harvard was maligned. It was hypothesized that upon arriving on campus, said prefrosh might be the target of a “crazed mob,” as current and future Harvard students sought to get back at him for tarnishing their image.

4. Physics advising for pre-frosh was discussed. It was resolved that one or two SPS officers would, if wanted, assist Dr. Law and Prof. Georgi with this matter. Liam was put in charge of finding out if said faculty wanted to/ would let us help.

5. The etymology of the word “tailspin” was discussed, specifically whether it derives from dead birds or dead airplanes.

6. Mike D. mentioned that the minutes from four years ago show a world of SPS meetings similar to those of today (e.g. frolicking.) Liam and Paul commented that this long period of peace should be called the “Pax Georgi.”

7. Rancidity of various items was discussed.

8. According to Liam, there is this monitor somewhere in the physics building that when turned on, emits a regular ticking, but does not turn on. Speculations were made regarding the origin of the ticking.

9. Harpaul’s prefrosh ’03 made his entrance into the seamy underbelly of Harvard.

10. Joydip mentioned that when he was applying to college, the “t” on his typewriter was broken, forcing him to fill in all the t’s by hand. “It looked awful,” he commented. Harpaul related an identical story with all the t’s replaced by 1’s.

11. Liam attempted to impose a “no t” rule in our talking to impress upon us the crippling nature of this. However, none present could adhere to it, demonstrating his precise point.

12. Linguistic competence and the presence of stars before ungrammatical sentences was discussed. Apparently Henry Fu’s Social Analysis 34 TF thinks it is impossible to eat.

13. This minute was stricken from the record, being rather inappropriate.

14. Murray Gell-Mann is giving a talk here which Ben wants publicized. Apparently according to various sources he is also very self-confident and of notable lineage.

15. Harpaul raised the possibility of SPS meetings being in Leverett. It was quickly rejected, having few backers present.

16. Harpaul told an odd story of an Encounter with Juan Maldacena at the Bombay Club, during which his mother spoke in Spanish with Prof. Maldacena while Harpaul distracted his (Prof. Maldacena’s) girlfriend.

17. Liam mentioned that a certain member of the faculty knows his name, and goes around with a constant happy mood, which may or may not be related.

18. Liam mentioned that he speaks Latin with his sister when they are at home. Mike D. was very skeptical.

19. The sentence “Colorless green ideas sleep furiously” was discussed. Liam noted that no one would ever say it in a normal conversation, thus invalidating Mike D.’s attempts to use it as an example of the impossibility of (18). Harpaul translated it into Spanish. Ben provided an imperfect translation of it into French Life went on.

20. The “kosher-ness” of various foods, specifically breast milk, was discussed. Apparently infants get a blanket exemption.

21. Harpaul commented on the complementary fasting rules of various religions on Fridays during Lent.

22. Liam and Mike D. recounted many instances when they had fasted for at least 24 hours.

23. Loopholes were found in the statutes of several major religions, thus proving that God can’t make a code so strict he can’t wriggle out of it.

24. The meeting was adjourned at approximately 7:16.

SPS Meeting Minutes
April 29, 1999
Lowell House Game Room

1. The meeting was called to order without ceremony at 6:07. Present were Mike Develin, Paul Lujan, Eli Lebow, Liam McAllister, Joydip Kundu, Ben Krefetz, Dave Freeman, Adrienne Shapiro, Emily Lin, Ben Dreyfus, Harpaul Kohli, Sammy Klein, Joe Subotnik, Lisa Powell, and Mike Brauwerman.

2. Many complained about renegades who saw fit to poster over the SPS prefrosh posters so carefully placed by Mike D. and Paul.

3. Mike D. proposed free ice as a campaign tactic for UC candidates.

4. Eli separated two forks with great ceremony, leaving him with two forks instead of a useless lump of metal. Fortunately, Joydip arrived with two spoons, and the inevitable transpired.

5. Sympathy was expressed for those whose pictures on the math department bulletin board have been disfiguringly altered with pushpins.

6. Mike D. admitted that he cannot guard Daniel Tenny, but this in no way implies that it was he who poked Daniel’s math department picture with pushpins.

7. Brauwerman’s email generator that automatically and periodically sends email to parents was lauded.

8. Harpaul arrived and produced a napkin signed to SPS by Murray Gell-Mann. One secretary accepted this for the soon-to-be-created archives, shortly followed by the other secretary relieving the aforementioned secretary of this responsibility in a move of utmost prudence and good judgment.

9. It was confirmed that Robert S. McNamara’s middle name is, in fact, Strange.

10. Howard Georgi did not apologize for the death of some woman’s son in Vietnam.

11. Heated debate ensued on the merits of The Bonfire of the Vanities.

12. Even more heated and considerably louder and more cacophanous debate ensued over the results of the Indy sex survey. This included Joydip’s asking how much sex Yoda had, followed by Ben Dreyfus asserting that Yoda is all Jewish. Brauwerman proposed sacrificing Pfoho virgins to the gods.

13. Of all the impassioned proclamations made, two best summed up the discussions:

“These results are for entertainment purposes only.” -Paul
“People should be posting on newsgroups, not having sex.” -Ben D.

14. Ben Dreyfus whined some about Mizmor Shir, the Hillel a capella group.

15. TCS frisbee negotiations resumed.

16. The meeting concluded sometime shortly before 7 pm.