Category: 1999-2000

September 30, 1999
Coolidge Room, Lowell House.

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:10. Present for at least some part of the meeting were Liam McAllister, Mike Develin, Ben Krefetz, Zachary Subin, Darren Ragozzine, Jamie Lee (from Holworthy East), Jose Sandoval (disenfranchised), Aaron Parsons, Chris Laumann (with overwaxed apple), Brad Kittenbrink, Eleanore Chadderdon, Dave Freeman, Nate Greenblatt, Lisa Powell, Sara Hashmi, Paul Dieffenbach, Harpaul Kohli, Tad Warshall, Igor Teper, and Joydip Kundu.

2. The meeting got off on a rather high note with the introduction of all of those present. Liam and Mike gave a short schpiel about what SPS does. Mike made an ardent plea for Cool Physics speakers.

3. The meeting quickly degenerated.

4. Mike leveled totally false accusations at Lisa concerning the buddy system’s restraining order against him. Harpaul dutifully voiced his grievances thereof. In reality, however, anyone can be a buddy! If you haven’t already emailed Lisa, you should do so at once.

5. The Macintosh Quack was discussed. It was concluded that it emanates from a tutor in Adams House named Dave.

6. A certain Quincian (formerly Quadling) present noted that a certain professor with dual citizenship was a “surprisingly good” teacher. This met with mixed reactions.

7. After Mike encouraged wide-open, hotly-contested mud-slinging elections for SPS posts, Harpaul declared his candidacy for SPS penguin, surprising no one. The polar bear in the Coca-Cola commercial was also nominated.

8. Harpaul noted that some cores are bad. Pressed further, he could not come up with any. He did, however, note that he was taking an excellent class by the name of “Lives Ruined by Literature,” leading to many snickers.

9. James Watson was discussed.

10. Jose’s band, an eternal topic of SPS meetings, once again elbowed its way through a mass of competing topics to the forefront. He promised to bring a CD to the next meeting so that we could gather some empirical evidence about the heretofore elusive organism.

11. Harpaul launched a lengthy one-breath diatribe about the squeaking doors in the Science Center lecture halls. The freshmen, unfamiliar with this ongoing lecture series, were visibly shaken, but also stirred to action.

12. Half of the first-year contingent left.

13. Igor regaled the crowd with a devilishly humorous anecdote about how he attempted to run down Stephen Hawking. Fortunately for the physics community, he failed.

14. Noam Elkies and Kalle Karu, professors of Math 55 and 25 respectively, were discussed. No conclusion was reached.

15. Harpaul’s excuse for leaving: “Someone’s coming from the prison. We have to make a big show about it.” Since this is only funny if you were there, you should come to the next meeting.

16. The efficacy of using members of the Physics Department as erasers was determined to be nil.

17. The meeting was adjourned at 7:12. The freshmen generally dispersed to other extracurricular activities. The upperclassmen, far more jaded, cynical, and lazy, retired to their respective dens.

October 7, 1999
Coolidge Room

1. Around 6:18, it was remarked that the meeting had yet to be called to order. So Liam called it to order, and he saw that it was good.

2. Present around the absurdly long and unwieldy table at one point or another were Ben Krefetz, Sara Hashmi, Andy Cotton, Jim Griffin, Liam and Tara McAllister, Nate Greenblatt, Lisa Powell, Adrienne Shapiro, Mike Develin, Darin Ragozzine, Wei Ho (who@fas), Joon Pahk, Eleanore Chadderdon, Jose Sandoval, Paul Lujan, Harpaul Kohli, M. Ari Behar, William Wise. This list most likely contains several egregious omissions, for which the secretary would like to apologize, but as was mentioned earlier, the table was ridiculously unwieldy for these purposes.

3. Lisa bounced to business: Physics buddy signup! Get your physics buddies!

4. Lisa informed Adrienne that she could be a sketchy buddy to a sketchy freshman.

5. It was almost unanimously resolved that the Game Room would be infinitely more appropriate to SPS purposes than the Coolidge Room, and it was resolved that measures would be taken to gain entry to said Game Room. 7. Harpaul materialized after a vast stretch of time since his first appearance in the Coolidge Room.

8. Mike accused Harpaul of being the stupid person in the police log, then fled the room in a fit of giggles.

9. Harpaul reportedly invaded Hurlbut and was found sleeping on an astonished freshman’s couch.

10. Joon stormed out to get root beer.

11. The propriety of mentioning Stephen Hawking during the Physics Department puppet show was debated.

12. Mike confounded many with his reversal of LIFO and FIFO.

13. Jose procured for the listening pleasure of SPS a copies of his band’s demo and live CDs. He is currently looking for a drummer; those interested should respond to jsandova@fas

14. The calculus of variations was dubbed “Krazy Kalculus”

15+ Many more interesting statments and occurrences escaped the eyes and ears of the secretary due to the unfortunate conformation of the room, which rendered her completely unable to observe anything at the far end of the table. Complaints and queries should not be sent, as they will be ignored.

Coolidge Room, Lowell House
October 14, 1999

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:02 by Liam. Present was Liam McAllister.

2. Later arrivals included Eleanore Chadderdon, Emily Lin, Adrienne Shapiro, Mike Develin, Nate Greenblatt, Ben Krefetz, Paul Dieffenbach, Matt Thrasher, Ari Behar, Harpaul Kohli, Lisa Powell, Ben Dreyfus, and Sammy Klein.

3. Emily asked Liam what his sister’s last name was, prompting laughter from the masses.

4. An audible groan was emitted as an Undesirable Event occurred. Mike burst out laughing.

5. Joydip Kundu was exalted and crucified in rapid alternation.

6. A discussion broke out at one end of the table about the break dancing scene at Harvard. Matt noted that it is in fact, alive and well. It was remarked that Oklahoma had a plurality of those present. With much less surprise, it was also noted that Massachusetts had a similar plurality.

7. Nate insulted Mike’s people.

8. Fistulated cows were discussed, in the context of the Pennsylvania Dutch. New York, Minnesota, and Wisconsin proceeded to have an all-out war over dairic supremacy. Like in all wars, there were no winners, only losers.

9. The taste of certain religious traditions was discussed.

10. A rather personal battle with an external tyrant was alluded to.

11. Harpaul recounted the story of Quito vs. the Volcano, starring Tom Hanks. No one was sure whether laughing would be insensitive or blasphemous, so a few nervous giggles comprised the only reaction.

12. Adrienne sneezed up a carrot.

13. Harpaul asked when the most recent hunger strike at Harvard was; apparently he has a friend whose college decision rests on the answer to this question. Liam and Mike both came up with unsure answers.

14. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

15. Emily moved that the Physics and VES departments merge, extolling the possiblities of a greater enlightenment for both.

16. At this point, Ben Dreyfus entered the room, marking the first time in SPS history that both treasurers had been present at a meeting, and also marking an all-time high for officer attendance, with seven.

17. A basmati rice fight broke out. Order was quickly restored.

18. The constitution of the US was analogized to something Jewish. The goyim at the table were perplexed.

19. The rather puzzling question of how Iris found law school interesting was raised. No one had an adequate answer.

20. Thrash noted that the only time SPS talks about business is when Mike leaves. Mike returned, halting constructive discussion.

21. Over Mike’s objections, a proposed co-sponsorship by SPS of the Ig Nobels was passed. A delegation was formed.

22. Ben Dreyfus and Emily burst out in a stirring rendition of O Canada, providing a backdrop for a discussion about Ricky Martin and the English National Anthem. No one could see the reasoning behind either.

23. Annenbergian traffic jams were discussed. On a related note, Eleanore announced that she was attending a pretty fly party that night.

24. Much to the surprise of all, Adrienne noticed that Sammy was, in fact, wearing a wet suit. Why?!?!?

25. Ben Krefetz and Noam Elkies were analogized by Sammy. Ben’s mind was played with. Ben’s Crimson article was discussed.

26. The Pfoho vs. Adams war was discussed. Tempers flared.

27. Sammy engaged on a lengthy oration about toast masters and Americanisms. Harpaul then proposed that every week, there should be one reading, as an additional draw for certain recalcitrant freshmen. The motion was unanimously passed.

28. The meeting was adjourned much too late to ensure that those with problem sets due the next day could get a good night’s sleep.

October 21, 1999
Lowell House Game Room

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:10

2. Gracing the newly-acquired Game Room were Ben Krefetz, Nate Greenblatt, Ari Behar, Joon Pahk, Liam McAllister, Mike Develin, Adrienne Shapiro, and several whose names were harshly torn from the paper bearing notes for these minutes. Those seeking redress should apply to the secretaries.

3. Various topics covered in Physics 16 were discussed. Professors were compared. Mistakes were made.

4. Mike made an exceptionally mature gesture in response to the discussion of asymmetric tops.

5. Ben spoke at length on a topic which he requested not be put in the minutes, despite the fact that nobody had ever given the slightest indication that said topic was being considered for peer review and subsequent inclusion in the minutes.

6. SPS hockey was proposed. This proposition rapidly snowballed into a discussion of the finer points of “icing.”

7. Joon conducted a vote on East Timor during which many were encouraged to vote “present.”

8. Marshall Perrin’s state of origin was debated in a heated member. Candidates included Texas as one of the more incendiary states.

9. Tenure habits of various departments were pondered. Ari pointed out that the US branch of the History department has not granted tenure since the sixties. Rapid calculations led the group to conclude that they’re REALLY OLD.

10. Mike made quasi-surreal comments about fruit.

11. Purcell and Weinberg retain offices in the physics department, despite the fact that Purcell is dead and Weinberg is no longer at Harvard, due to Harvard’s desire to maintain a high ratio of Nobel-prize-winning-physicists’-office-space-to-body-mass.

12. Sources of Nobel prize money were discussed. This led to the inevitable mention of Harvard’s endowment, and the abrupt termination of the meeting.

October 21, 1999
Lowell House Game Room

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:10

2. Gracing the newly-acquired Game Room were Ben Krefetz, Nate Greenblatt, Ari Behar, Joon Pahk, Liam McAllister, Mike Develin, Adrienne Shapiro, and several whose names were harshly torn from the paper bearing notes for these minutes. Those seeking redress should apply to the secretaries.

3. Various topics covered in Physics 16 were discussed. Professors were compared. Mistakes were made.

4. Mike made an exceptionally mature gesture in response to the discussion of asymmetric tops.

5. Ben spoke at length on a topic which he requested not be put in the minutes, despite the fact that nobody had ever given the slightest indication that said topic was being considered for peer review and subsequent inclusion in the minutes.

6. SPS hockey was proposed. This proposition rapidly snowballed into a discussion of the finer points of “icing.”

7. Joon conducted a vote on East Timor during which many were encouraged to vote “present.”

8. Marshall Perrin’s state of origin was debated in a heated member. Candidates included Texas as one of the more incendiary states.

9. Tenure habits of various departments were pondered. Ari pointed out that the US branch of the History department has not granted tenure since the sixties. Rapid calculations led the group to conclude that they’re REALLY OLD.

10. Mike made quasi-surreal comments about fruit.

11. Purcell and Weinberg retain offices in the physics department, despite the fact that Purcell is dead and Weinberg is no longer at Harvard, due to Harvard’s desire to maintain a high ratio of Nobel-prize-winning-physicists’-office-space-to-body-mass.

12. Sources of Nobel prize money were discussed. This led to the inevitable mention of Harvard’s endowment, and the abrupt termination of the meeting.

October 28, 1999
Lowell House Game Room

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:05. Present for at least some of the meeting were Joseph David Rabinoff, Andy Cotton, Tad Warshall, Ari Behar, Josh VonKorff, Adrienne Shapiro, Mike Develin, Liam McAllister, Dave Freeman, Darren Ragozzine, Eleanore Chadderdon, Paul Dieffenbach, Harpaul Kohli, Natalia Luckyanova, and Paul Lujan (7 PM onward.)

2. The SPS constitution was once again raised. The question of whether we could discriminate against people who didn’t like physics, as well as possible provisions for impeachment, were discussed in particular.

3. Context-free notes were taken while I was out of the room. Consequently, they have been stricken from the record as any Expos preceptor would do.

4. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: The question of whether SPS should send a delegation to the regional meeting in UMass-Amherst was brought up. Reaction seemed to be lukewarm barring expense accounts.

5. Someone clever brought up the idea of stealing CityStep propagandic methods to promote the spread of Physics. If you think you might be that person, email an officer.

6. A poll seemed to indicate that four people had math sets due tomorrow, while only one had a physics set due today. Mike cheered. Liam ordered a recount.

7. The Physics 16 essay was discussed. Yes, you read that right. Shortly thereafter, Judaism came up yet again.

8. Figurines of Milne characters in Harvard flora were discussed.

9. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: Apparently there is some sort of function every week, the Young Experimenters colloquium (for lack of a better word) that undergraduates are at least allowed to attend. This urban legend was tossed around for a while, during which the pronunciation of Golubovic was hashed out.

10. Adrienne confuted former Soviet Socialist republics.

11. Certain secretaries’ emphasis on punctuality was discussed. Lisa arrived.

12. According to Eleanore, there is something called the Kisone Republic. It consists of 40 cubic feet of airspace, somewhere over Wisconsin (Minnesota? Michigan? Ah, well, they’re all the same.) Liam and Mike discussed appropriate dimensions for computing the number of people who could fit into such a bastion.

13. Once again, possible mascots for SPS were discussed. The frontrunners were Harpaul and a cute boy in a Tigger suit. Paul D. was confused.

14. Harpaul flashed his cellphone penguin indicator. People laughed.

15. The question of whether SPS was closer in institutional practice to HRO or a final club was discussed. No consensus was reached, except for the proposal of Negative Annual Dues which emanated from Paul D., via Joe.

16. Gas-guzzling SUV’s and Hermann Hesse were discussed. Both received a thumbs-down. However, Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s soundtrack was reviewed positively by Lisa.

17. The upcoming movie _Bats_ was discussed. All of the obvious analogies were made.

18. Joe noted loopholes in the de jure SPS constitution. Paul D. pressed the argument.

19. Someone talked about physics! The conversation then quickly came full circle, with Eleanore hurling a personal insult at Andy. In a related note, Alex Saltman is at most twelve.

20. A possible rampant spate of bikers dealing tobacco to minors sometime in the 1980′s was hypothesized, during which Harpaul chimed with tales of his reckless jaywalking.

21. The story of how Ben Krefetz jumped into a bus to prove a point and had to leap back was told. An unspecified person made a demonstration.

22. Adrienne got a graphite tattoo.

23. The ambiguity of laws regarding bicyclists, rollerbladers, and pedestrians was discussed. The meeting was adjourned at 7:11 so experimental evidence could be collected.

Lowell House Game Room
November 4, 1999

1. The meeting was called to order by Mike at 6:13, proclaiming himself dictator in the absence of any higher-ranking officers. The “stunning” attendance at that point was Darren Ragozzine, Paul Dieffenbach, Andy Cotton, and the aforementioned Mike Develin (who apparently possesses the amazing skill of “writing without looking at the paper,” according to Josh.) Later arrivals included Matt Thrasher, Emily Lin, Lisa Powell, Sara Hashmi, Joon Pahk, Paul Lujan, Harpaul Kohli (brandishing half a Tommy’s pizza), Tim Warren, and, for a brief moment, Josh Blanchfield, and Jeannie Miller, concentrating in Hist and Lit of Europe, 1300-1750. All mentions of “Paul” in the following minutes refer to Paul Dieffenbach unless noted otherwise.

2. Andy brought up the longtime Amending the Constitution debate. All present thought it was a good idea, but it was later filibustered to death.

3. Paul instructed Mike to “keep the minutes funny.”

4. Darren brought up negative dues as a possible amendment to the constitution. Paul then exhibited his nihilist tendencies for all to see, and proposed that a grapefruit be present at every meeting.

5. Hell froze over.

6. Completing the grand tour of classic topics, the SPS Mascot was discussed and determined to be a Jewish penguin in Noteables. Or possibly Harpaul.

7. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: Emily brought up again the SPS Zone Meeting. The age of Bo Hammer, national SPS president, was discussed. Various swarthy pronunciations of his name followed.

8. Emily detailed her harrowing run-in with notorious Lowell Checker Vicky. Paul chimed in.

9. Yet another Classic SPS Conversation was relived as the Fraternity Issue (a.k.a. Why SPS Isn’t Officially Part of National SPS) came up. Hillel inevitably ensued.

10. An inbox contest took place. Emily derided Paul’s manhood.

11. Matt and Emily carried on their own conversation about cool things.

12. Analogies between Prof. Georgi’s office space and the Death Star were constructed. Several of those present resisted an overwhelming desire to quote “Clerks” and/or refer to the SPS Puppet Show of two years ago.

13. Lisa said “prom.”

14. Emily committed a grave cakelike social blunder.

15. In rapid succession, the topics of baby identification difficulty, “all Asians look alike,” How To Tell People You’ve Dated Apart, and premeds vs. statues were brought up. Conclusions of various global and local offensiveness were reached.

16. The Exploding Bus was discussed.

17. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: Lisa announced that the buddy assignments would be distributed shortly. The Buddy Luncheon is sometime around December 6. This is of course useless by now, since you’ve already gotten the Buddy Email from Lisa.

18. Sara discovered that she had a defective egg. Albino chickens, as opposed to chickens merely lacking in melanin, were discussed. Lisa posited a class known as “country eggs,” presumably in opposition to “city eggs.” [Insert witty clause here.]

19. Prof. Robert Nozick was discussed in connection with Lisa’s TV box in the Crimson. It was decided that he should make regular appearances on WWF Smackdown, shown every Thursday night at 8 PM on UPN.

20. Diets consisting solely of bananas, or solely of cheese, and their consequences were discussed. Do not try this at home.

21. Sara took the Saltine Challenge. Matt and Emily took the Saltine Challenge. Mike took the Saltine Challenge. All completed it in order-of-1 minutes.

22. Matt recounted a shocking but true fact: in the Bartlesville, OK hospital, blood for transfusions is frozen and then microwaved before being recirculated. This both caused some woman to die because the blood was boiled, and did nothing to dispel stereotypes of Oklahomans as incompetent hicks.

23. The SPS Cloud Chamber came up again. It still doesn’t exist, in case you were wondering.

24. The meeting was adjourned at 7:10, in plenty of time for Smackdown.

Lowell House Game Room
November 11, 1999

1. Available in the flesh were Liam McAllister, Tara McAllister, Emily Lin, Vince Chu, Vagish Hemmige, Darin Raggozine, Paul Dieffenbach, Matt Thrasher, Tadd Warshall, Harpaul Kohli, Adrienne Shapiro, Lisa Powell, and surprise guest personality Joydip Kundu.

2. The concept of Mike in a tux was discussed and routinely discarded.

3. It snowed in Santa Barbara once, but that doesn’t mean Liam shouldn’t go to grad school there. Also, despite Joydip’s intense advocacy of snow in Florida, the orange farmers get really irate when it gets cold down there.

4. The legal status of Skewers was debated. Although some claimed to have seen sarcastic notes to postal workers directing them to alternate locations, Joydip’s all-too-present schwarma belied this statement.

5. The Greek accent of the Math 23 professor, in the grand tradition of the Greek accent of last year’s Math 22 professor, was discussed. A poll was conducted to unearth the names of teachers with particularly entertaining accents that would keep a tired student awake.

6. Official Business: It is with deep regret that we inform the SPS community that we were unable to send anyone to the SPS Zone meeting.

7. Mike didn’t help this guy move a chair two years ago. The memory will be with him forever.

8. Joydip is going to the Yale game.

9. Harpaul insisted that the security guard in the science center is a Kennedy. As in, a KENNEDY.

10. Tenure was discussed yet again.

11. Harpaul revealed his knowledge of George Will’s immediate family: “His daughter is a nice guy.”

12. Paul derided the Game Room architecture.

13. The fact that there is a person named Lemma provoked a great deal of laughter among all present. Immediate references were made to other equally amusing names, like “Corollary.”

14. Paul’s mission is to break the froyo machine in Annenberg to force the dining employees to serve real ice cream in accordance with the Camp Widener Agreement.

15. Paul was reminded that Annenberg is the only dining hall that consistently serves ice cream novelty when it is on the menu. Leverett was singled out as being particularly lacking in this facility.

16. Mike attempted to be debonair without lung cancer by pretending to smoke a breadstick.

17. Lisa came in to announce the official business that Buddies should be receiving emails about their status as a Buddy or a Bud-ee. Those who signed up to get a Buddy who have not received notification of their buddy should email Lisa, as it is now Her Problem.

18. Thrash expressed regret at not being a Bud-ee.

19. Eventually people wandered off into the no-longer-remotely-sunset.

November 18, 1999
Game Room, Lowell House

1. The meeting was called to order at 6:15. Throughout, the attendees were some subset of Liam McAllister, Mike Develin, Adrienne Shapiro, Paul Dieffenbach, Lisa Powell, and Harpaul Kohli.

2. Mike ranted about the paltry attendance due to his not sending out a reminder. He noted that he will, in general, not send out reminders, and that if people hear nothing, the meeting is on. As reinforcement, it was decided that Mike simply “wouldn’t make the minutes funny this week.”

3. Coed bathrooms were discussed.

4. Meteors, lots of meteors, meteor showers even, were discussed.

5. Mike extricated his entangled yo-yo using an array of knives.

6. Adrienne commented that Harpaul’s bike helmet would, in fact, be quite useless in the case of a crash.

7. Lisa wants holiday presents. If you are in the mood, please give holiday presents to Lisa. Thank you.

8. Meteors were discussed again.

9. The buddy system is CLOSED. If you are not a buddy yet, don’t say we didn’t warn you. You got your buddy email; you had your chance.

10. OFFICIAL BUSINESS: The Physics Puppet Show will be happening this year. In fact, as of now, it will be happening TODAY, at 8 PM in Jefferson 250, with refreshments in the physics library beforehand, at 7:30. According to Liam, the G2′s haven’t been going to any classes; apparently they’re working really hard on it, so it ought to be really good. Do not be hoodwinked by the signs claiming cancellation of the puppet show.

11. Physics was discussed.

12. Lisa remarked that she needed a bottle opener for her keychain. The bottle-opening ability of several objects were then discussed in rapid succession.

13. The meeting broke up sometime around 7:15.

SPS Minutes
November 27, 1999
Currier House Dining Hall

0. The meeting was called to order by Paul at 5:35. Present were Jenny Pegg, Harpaul Kohli, Paul Lujan, Nurit Baytch, Lisa Kwok, Eleanore Chadderdon, communism, and Mike Develin

1. Eleanore assumed Mike’s identity.

2. Rude taunts to use against Brown were discussed. Various unrepeatable insults were made.

3. Tryptophan and its soporific effects were discussed, in connection with the allure of football on Thanksgiving, and naptime.

4. Harpaul alluded to the platonic paradigm of penguins in his room.

5. The proletariat revolted.

6. Dinner “sucked.”

7. Jenny’s reading material (presumably not of choice) prompted a discussion of Sigmund Freud and whether or not he could be considered a philosopher. Many were adamant on this issue.

8. Eleanore hobnobbed with the president of the Kisone Republic.

9. Nurit returned from an excursion into the food area with “pink lemonade.” This lemonade was obviously not pink, attaining instead a rather crimson hue.

10. Jenny remarked on the duality between red and pink. Symmetries existing in practice as well as theory were discussed.

11. Blah blah blah blah blah. Metonymy surfaced.

12. The meeting was adjourned at 6:18, amidst a gaggle of excitement about the hockey game to follow.

13. Harvard got pounded 4-2 by Brown. Competence was not on display.

December 2, 1999
Lowell House Game Room

1. The meeting was called to order. Present were Daniel Stronger, Liam McAllister, Richard Eisenberg, Darin Ragozzine, Benjamin Krefetz, Claire Eager, Danna Freedman, Joseph David Rabinoff, Benjamin Dreyfus, Mike Develin, Andy Cotton, Lisa Powell, Eleanore Chadderdon, Paul Dieffenbach, Harpaul Kohli, Adrienne Shapiro, and Paul Lujan.

2. Prior to the meeting’s official commencement, Mike embarked on a discussion of the unit ball.

3. An energetic side discussion on the topic of Lowell House food took place.

4. It was determined that mixed potato chowder includes “scary potato,” which is green.

5. Ben D. apologized for his recent absenteeism and burped. This was clearly a ploy to get us on his good side. Well, not the burping part.

6. Acting as treasurer, Ben D. informed those present of his recent discovery of the SPS mailboxes and a host of bank statements proclaiming the sum holdings of SPS to fall somewhat short of the UC windfall.

7. Mike proceeded to endorse Ben D. for UC president.

8. Mike moved to have SPS endorse Ben D. for UC president. Ben K. seconded. The vote resulted (by a count of 13-1, with two abstentions) in an apparent endorsement. It was later pointed out by Liam that distinctly coercive measures such as the shouting of “everyone raise your hands!” were conducted during the vote, along with various other breaches of the voting protocol somewhere buried in the SPS constitution, thus rendering such an endorsement of dubious validity. In a blatant communist ploy, Mike edited the minutes to note that coercive measures such as these are used by the UC candidates themselves, and consequently are valid when determining things related to it.

9. The ambiguity of the names of various other UC candidates were discussed with regards to the sex of aforementioned candidates. Ben D. pointed out that a number of candidates’ names were actually complete grammatical sentences, eg “Todd Plants.”

10. Eleanore commented that Mike brainwashes people.

11. Joseph David Rabinoff’s Linear Algebra book is entitled “Linear Algebra Done Right.” It was pointed out that the little-known subtitle of the textbook for the now-defunct Math 22 class had in fact been “Linear Algebra Done Wrong.”

12. Harpaul recounted a recent breakdown in trust in which he had been an unwitting participant. Email kohli@fas for more details.

13. Mike advised Harpaul to settle out of court. [Ed. note: This is somewhat inaccurate. In actuality, Mike simply advised Harpaul not to get a lawyer. Either that, or he's editing the minutes in a communist fashion again.]

14. Lisa advocated minimalist styles.

15. Eleanore noted that she was asymptotically approaching Judaism.

16. Mike put forth allegedly evolutionary arguments that would serve the purpose of those against binge drinking while encouraging it to continue.

17. Lisa noted as she left that she spent her entire time at the meeting talking to Dan.

19. The meeting came to an anticlimactic end replete with much head-shaking and bemoaning the failure of a game of Mafia to transpire.

December 9, 1999
Lowell House Game Room

-1. Liam and Mike engaged in a heated discussion about SPS’ endorsement of Ben Dreyfus, and whether or not SPS should be a political or apolitical organization. The impartial note-taker would like to remind you that the UC election polls close today (Wednesday, 12/15) at midnight, and that voting is a quick and easy process. Rock the vote. While he has your attention, he will also mention that SPS will be meeting tomorrow (Thursday) at 6 PM in the Lowell House Game Room, as usual.

0. Liam called the meeting to order at 6:12. Attendees included, and were limited to, Craig Hetherington, Liam McAllister, Dan Stronger, Eva Holtz, Andy Cotton, Adrienne Shapiro, Mike Develin, Danna Freedman, Claire Eager, Joon Pahk, Richard Eisenberg, Eleanore Chadderdon, Paul Lujan, and the mysterious J.

1. J is going to paint a mural, yo.

2. Craig rattled off an impressive list of anagrams of George W. Bush (the original.) Warthogs were definitely involved.

3. Eva declared Andy to be sugary-sweet.

4. The age-old battle between Ireland and Sctoland for the allegiance of Troy McClure, and the rest of the Clan McClure, was discussed. No conclusion was reached.

5. J’s roommate’s drug dealer’s name is “B.” J’s roommate was talking smack to him, so he busted a cap in his ass.

6. “My boss says we need some eunuch programmers,” said Andy’s shirt.

7. T.A.F.K.A.P. was alluded to in a roundabout fashion. Attempts to impose unpronounceable symbols upon the minutes were rejected due to Mike’s inability to draw said symbols.

8. Liam insulted Dan’s palate.

9. Mike was revealed to have no grasp of the english languge.

10. The merits of ant analysis were discussed and found to be sorely lacking.

11. J insulted Mike’s people as “freaky.” Shit went down.

12. Dan’s Physics 16 exploits were discussed, including eggs for breakfast. Apparently certain members of said class will, in fact, eat green eggs and/or ham.

13. Klezmer bands were discussed, as usual.

14. Harpaul’s various run-ins with the law were discussed. Strangely enough, this item has nothing at all to do with Margaret Law.

15. Boring stories about Mike, Joon, and Paul were told.

16. J leveled baseless accusations at Dan.

17. Various cacophonies of stalking were discussed. Network schemes came up more than once.

18. The Tale Of Mike And Parker Conrad’s Knee was told.

19. Mike’s name degenerated into a collection of arbitrary phoneme strings. Joon and Eleanore argued over the acceptability of various paostrophizations.

20. The ontogenetic development of Dan’s skeletal proportions was discussed.

21. Deja vu….

22. Mathman, Square One, and other related topics were discussed. Various of those present showed an enormous ability to remember specific episodes precisely.

23. Snow football, which will be happening as soon as it snows, was discussed.

24. “Intimidation,” by Richard. Parfum pour homme et femme.

25. Appropriate rules for three-person tic-tac-toe on an infinite checkerboard were discussed. No conclusion was reached. This quickly segued into an adjourning of the meeting at about 7:15.