Real Choice
October 23, 2008 by admin
Feminists should respect stay-at-home moms
By Michael W. McLean
For feminists, there is only one choice for a young woman: work. In fact, many feminists look down on women who stay at home. Feminists are all about choice as long as the choice you make is the one they like.
It has been forty-five years since the publication of Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique, which ignited the modern feminist movement. The Feminine Mystique criticized society for telling women they could only find fulfillment through motherhood and homemaking. Ironically, now feminists are telling women they can only find fulfillment through having a career and working. In reality, both a career and motherhood provide fulfillment.
For too long, society told women they can have everything, a full time career and a family. And for too long, women accepted this unrealistic promise. They tried to be superwomen. But just as Superman is a fictional character, so is Superwoman.
In the words of Bob Dylan, it seems that once again, “the times they are a-changin’.” Our generation is saying enough is enough. Let women choose; and they are. They are choosing to be mothers. Today, women at our nation’s most elite colleges are saying they plan to be stay-at-home moms and they’re proud of their decision. Some of the smartest and most talented women across the Ivy League are choosing the title mom over CEO.
In September 2005, Louise Story wrote an article in the New York Times entitled “Many Women at Elite Colleges Set Career Path to Motherhood,” explaining the changing attitude of today’s young women. “Many women at the nation’s most elite colleges say they have decided that they will put aside their careers in favor of raising children,” writes Story. “Women of this generation expect their careers to take second place to child rearing.” In fact, according to a Yale survey cited in the Times article, sixty percent of Yale female undergrads said when they have children they plan to stop working entirely or cut back. The numbers are no different at Harvard. A 2001 survey of Harvard Business School graduates found that thirty-one percent of female graduates didn’t work at all and another 31% worked on a limited basis.
For feminists, these numbers are concerning. A feminist would assert that by accepting traditional gender roles, women are giving in. But women are doing anything but giving in; they are freely choosing.
The realignment of priorities of today’s young women reflects a backlash. Our generation is rebelling against the dogma of 1960s feminism. Today’s women are choosing motherhood proudly. They are part of the generation that first experienced the career mom. Many of today’s young women went home to empty houses after school and grew up with the reality of the working mom. These same women are saying they didn’t like it and want to raise their children differently.
There are some who would now counter that being a stay-at-home wife and mother wastes a woman’s Ivy League education. Nothing could be further from the truth. You don’t need to be on Wall Street to get value from an elite education. And being a stay-at-home mom is the greatest gift you could give your child.
Many families today cannot afford to have one parent stay at home. Dual incomes are required in an increasing number of American families just to pay the bills. But Harvard and all other colleges should encourage motherhood and working equally. Being a stay-at-home mother should not be discounted. That’s choice.
Today’s women know it is unrealistic to be the best career woman and mother simultaneously. Slowly women are telling society that the old definitions of choice are outdated. The chorus is loud and clear from these women. It’s okay to be a stay-at-home mom.
It is really saddening (though not at all surprising) that I student of this university could be so essentialist, and regressive on the issue of gender politics. Dated, misinformed, and distinctly MALE.
1. WHAT FEMINISTS ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? You didn’t cite a single feminist who holds the view that “women can only work..” If you had read any feminist writing at all since the FM, you’d know that the 80s contained a whole series of women who pushed for a feminist version of motherhood.
2. Your solution is SEXIST.
“Harvard and all other colleges should encourage motherhood and working equally”
a. Uh.. Why shouldn’t they also encourage stay at home dads? I know, because that would prevent the big strong man from bringing home the bacon? THIS IS SEXIST.
b. Why is being a mother and working mutually exclusive? Given that most of my friend’s mothers have been working mothers, I think it’s pretty asinine to suggest that women should choose one or the other OR that Harvard should present a woman’s options in such dichotomous terms.
c. Harvard, as a college, doesn’t promote “WORK WORK WORK”. . yeah, there’s e-recruiting, are you suggesting e-family planning? If such education would just be for women then you, sir, are a sexist.
3. Feminism IS NOT MOTHERHOOD BAD, it’s about the hierarchal structure of the family unit. Yes, pregnancy is something that hetero-women who want kids are uniquely burdened with at a biological level, but the primary thing the only feminist you cite (and many old-school fems) were fighting against was not “OMG BABIES,” but rather the structure of the “family,” which a priori discounted women’s views and confined her to a specific, banal intellectual role within the household. Did you know that sexism exists, even for women without children? Can you imagine?
Your understanding of feminism needs substantial broadening.
As it stands now, your article is a disgraceful piece of scholarship that makes the entire publication appear dated and anti-feminist.
One last thing: What about queer folk? Why should they have to suffer from Harvard’s “it’s OK to have a baby” propaganda.
POOR POOR POOR.
I completely agree that colleges should encourage working and motherhood equally. It is sad when women put their career above family. The way our next generation will act and benefit society lies in the hands of our mothers and fathers. If mothers don’t take time to be in the home to teach their children, they will get education elsewhere. Yes, it’s perfectly fine for a woman to work but she should not put that before or in place of motherhood. I think this article was very well written. What about queer folk?… well they need to accept “it’s okay to have a baby” propaganda. This was a very educated and well researched piece of literature.
GREAT GREAT GREAT