The Art of Seducing Relatives

Seducing relatives is an easy way to keep yourself entertained at large and small family gatherings. With lovin' on your mind, you can always maintain a high level of interest in conversation and keep familial bonds tight.

The first step to a successful seduction is choosing the relative to pork. Select your future bedmate early in the evening and don't change camps. A focused effort will get you far.

Unfortunately, the codes and mores of most individuals locked in a Judeo-Christian framework don't allow for such intimacy, so after you have selected the lucky relative, you must set about to drug him or her. Once your relatives have been shown the way, they will come to one drunken realization - a good fuck with a family member more than half their age is always fun (in vino veritas - as I always say). From personal experience, I have found that a combination of codine and loads of gin can loosen them right up. Of course you don't have to drink a thing - just act drunk.

Once your relative is in an absolute stupor, stumbling about the room and speaking in short, incoherent sentences, the real fun can begin. For woman relatives, it is good to activate their maternal instincts. Remind them of the times when they used to diaper you or give you a bath. As a final act, ask if they want to see your pee-pee. With male relatives, it is a more difficult matter. Slap them on the ass a few times, tell them some dirty jokes, and the rest is up to you.

It shouldn't prove too hard to wake up before they do the next morning. The average middle aged relative can't take a night of hard living nearly as easily as we virile post-adolescents. And remember the next day to deny everything.

Next month: How to seduce your congressman and make lots of money!